Contra Heterodoxy

[RiverNotch]

Contra Heterodoxy


If in the present turn I played a role
as tender as the daughter who foresaw
disaster when she gently asked her sisters
not to make light of filial obligation
only to be rebuffed, I would feel more
compassion for your cause, I would shed tears
for how the storm yet scars your senseless face
by whipping water droplets into darts,
but in this reenactment I was cast
as one of all the nameless background figures
suffering as you suffer, if not more,
our tokens of this kingdom as it prospered
poorer by far than yours, our taste of order
only as mother nature righting wrongs.

[dukealien]

Contra Heterodoxy


If in the present turn I played a role  "trurn" suggests a game - can't help recalling the fragment of Elia and Anna - strengthened by "role"
as tender as the daughter who foresaw
disaster when she gently asked her sisters
not to make light of filial obligation  "filial" can be read as two syllables
only to be rebuffed, I would feel more 
compassion for your cause, I would shed tears
for how the storm yet scars your senseless face  "sensless" is perhaps not the right word here - "nerveless" or some synonym for "frozen"
by whipping water droplets into darts,
but in this reenactment I was cast  this further strengthens the RPG setting...
as one of all the nameless background figures  but this time as a NPC or, in classical terms, member of the Chorus
suffering as you suffer, if not more,
our tokens of this kingdom as it prospered
poorer by far than yours, our taste of order  
only as mother nature righting wrongs.  Or maybe not Chorus or NPC, maybe the Dungeon Master sighing as a Player Character snuffs it.

I quite liked this, though likely without understanding the full intent.  Technically, it's basically IP with easily accepted variations, usually a stressed first syllable if read naturally.  As noted above, "filial" pretty much has to be contracted to two syllables since the line already boasts a female ending.

If I had to summarize the work it would go something like, "I'd feel for your struggles to tell unwanted truth, but I just don't have a dog in this fight.  Time will tell whether you or the orthodox had the right of it."

Suggestions for improvement:  the reference to Cassandra could be clearer, if that's what it is.  The foolish sisters don't ring a bell.  And the title left me a bit confused - perhaps Heterodoxy is the name, or role. of the character being addressed?  And he's, what, human-neutral-order but with a "contrary" instruction?

Thanks for posting - good read.