Another Place - feedback?

[RichardBosten]

"I’ll not Today" — Adrift I stay —
And sail Tomorrows free.
Another Place I find Myself —
Where no one else has been.

I’ve swum to Shores so lost before —
As Raindrops in the Sea.
Spurned the Tide of Dutiful —
Responsibility.

Worries lurk away amid —
Stowed Fantasies and Schemes.
Scurried — gnawing — little Rats —
They nibble at my Dreams.

Compass spinning dizzily —
True Lost is hard to find.
Trade Winds of Conformity —
Swells the Sails of Mind.

Without a rudder, chart or fare
Direction left to toss
With fog of mind I set to find
Another Place that's lost

I started this months ago and then came back to it  . I kinda like it always looking for advice . I was wondering if I could use this to write an actual song with acoustic guitar perhaps.

[Tiger the Lion]

Quick note: I find if you give more feedback you get more in return and don't need to solicit for it. Try catching up on some critiques and see if that gets you the feedback you want. GL

[Sullivan]

Feedback:

I think it's pretty clear you understand the days of rain, it's like an aging transgretion to being with yourself trying to avoid openings and still want to keep low profile.

I like it, good job.