by part

[Mic]

I took an eyeball,
hopeful friend,
opened lash-shuttered iris
and found nothing inside.

[Magpie]

Hi Mic, this is interesting, very short. I'm not entirely sure of your meaning, there seems to be a lot of ambiguity here, intentional??

I took an eyeball,  -- 'took' is the key word here, coupled with the title this would presume dissection of sorts. You could drop 'I' to make it more impersonal, if that's what you were after
hopeful friend, -- this line could mean few things, it's hard to know. Eyes of a friend perhaps?
opened lash-shuttered iris -- 'opened' here is at odds with 'took' from the first line, 'opened' is gentle. Also 'lash-shuttered' seems secure so to 'open' may not be the word you want to convey your meaning. 
and found nothing inside. -- could drop the 'and' ... could drop 'inside' if you wanted to be even more minimalist

If I knew your intention I could give better critique. 

Is it saying, I looked into the eyes of my friend and saw no soul.

I first thought about dissection but the line 'opened lash-shuttered iris' seems to indicate opening some ones eyelid which is at odds with the first line in which you have an eyeball.

Iris has a lot of symbology attached to it.

Just a few thoughts,

Cheers for the read.

[Mic]

Hi Mic, this is interesting, very short. I'm not entirely sure of your meaning, there seems to be a lot of ambiguity here, intentional??

If I knew your intention I could give better critique. 

Is it saying, I looked into the eyes of my friend and saw no soul.

I first thought about dissection but the line 'opened lash-shuttered iris' seems to indicate opening some ones eyelid which is at odds with the first line in which you have an eyeball.

Iris has a lot of symbology attached to it.

Just a few thoughts,

Cheers for the read.

I'm trying to use the 'eyes are the window to the soul' to say if you only look at one aspect of someone/something it loses whatever it had as a whole. I've been trying to tweak the wording of the lines for a while and wanted to get fresh opinions on why exactly it isn't working.

Thanks for the critique

[jonvandalen]

I took an eyeball,
hopeful friend,
opened lash-shuttered iris
and found nothing inside.

It’s arresting right off the bat. 

A surreal image. 

But it feels like an image and not a fully realized poem yet. 

Who’s eyeball? Who is the subject? 

Perhaps this is a bit conceptual about emptiness without having any concrete experience tied to it?

[wasellajam]

Hi, Mic, I've come back to this multiple times and being so short I've read it more times than I can count yet still can't reconcile it. Some notes on my read:

by part

I took an eyeball,
So, the eyeball is the part from the title. Took is aggressive. The N stole, removed someone's eyeball. I can only take "eyeball" literally, I don't have a clue yet as to what it may represent.
hopeful friend,
I'm confused. A hopeful friend had something taken from them? The N was a hopeful friend who took something, who responded with violence when their hopes weren't fulfilled?
opened lash-shuttered iris
An opened eye? I opened the eye? Sonically "lash-shuttered iris" is awkward for me and seems to purposely obscure what is clear for poetry's sake. It is a novel way to say an eye that was closed is now opened.
and found nothing inside.
Okay, the prize was empty,  though the title implies that the N had only a part of the whole.

It seems to me that the poem has been stripped of its connecting words to the point of being incomprehensible. To me.
I tried but it never came together for me, I haven't read your response to previous crit while waiting for the poem to explain itself, I'll take a look now. I hope my notes help in some way. -ella