Posts: 2
Threads: 1
Joined: Jan 2026
Why am I here?
What is my purpose
In a universe
So big
Its presence
Forces me to my knees
I sit in a field
Where the wind
Murmurs in the grass
And the birds laugh
And the trees applaud,
All of them
A patient audience
As I question my place
In this world;
They don’t pry
After a while
I look up
And the stars cry out in the silent night
And ask me to listen
They say
The beauty of the universe
Would pass quietly by
Without me.
They tell me
That I was one of them
Long ago
I see my reflection
In them
As I look up,
My eyes windows
Illuminating my heart
With the moon’s light
And I cry
Because they are right
And the heavens
Cry with me
In their own way
I think
But I don’t cry
For too long
And how could I
Because when I look around
The universe takes away
My breath
Once again.
Posts: 33
Threads: 9
Joined: Jan 2026
Hi and welcome, some notes:
Quote:Why am I here?
What is my purpose
In a universe
So big
Its presence
Forces me to my knees
Starting with the questions seems weak, more tell than show.
I sit in a field
Where the wind
Murmurs in the grass Possibly through instead of in
And the birds laugh
And the trees applaud, What does "and the" add?
All of them
A patient audience
As I question my place
In this world; You might think of a more original way to say this.
They don’t pry
After a while What does this add, how did that time feel?
I look up
And the stars cry out in the silent night
And ask me to listen
They say
The beauty of the universe
Would pass quietly by
Without me.
They tell me
That I was one of them
Long ago
It's hard to reconcile the weight of once being a star with the nonexistence before it.
I see my reflection
In them
As I look up, Reflection feels off.
My eyes windows cliche
Illuminating my heart
With the moon’s light
And I cry
Because they are right Right about you once being a star or that of course the world would go on without you?
And the heavens
Cry with me
In their own way
I think ???
But I don’t cry
For too long
And how could I
Because when I look around
The universe takes away
My breath
Once again.
For me, there was a lot of just telling me instead of creating images that made me feel what the Narrator was feeling.
Two general points: Does the capitalization of every line add anything? The punctuation is erratic, you might try adding full punctuation or removing it all and see what you think. Hope this helps, thanks for posting.
Posts: 2
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2026
Hey, how's it going. I'm pretty new to actually writing poetry, so I thought what might be helpful is sharing what I felt and thought as I read, so you can see if you've had the desired effect 
I hope that is helpful!
Title: It's a big ol' concept, it sets a grand tone within something quite cute like a window. I've certainly heard the term before but I like that, I feel like I'm going into this poem knowing something which is interesting considering...well, the universe.
(01-28-2026, 02:58 AM)Medslijun Wrote: Why am I here? This confirmed my expectations from the title: something existential but from a personal perspective, given by the "window"
What is my purpose
In a universe
So big I felt this line had particular impact on the first read given its short length. On later reads I found it kind of humorous, in a way.
Its presence
Forces me to my knees "Forces" caught my eye. This is where I felt a layer to the poem different to that implied in the title. The personification, for me, set up a power dynamic which made it a bit more personal. I'm unsure if no punctuation here was intentional, but I thought it was interesting as given this stanza is essentially reiterating the same question posed in line 1, there is somehow less certainty in the tone with no punctuation.
I sit in a field
Where the wind
Murmurs in the grass
And the birds laugh I got a cruel vibe off the birds laughing. Perhaps also worth noting that the earlier lack of punctuation in S1 did highlight the lack at the start of this one. Not that this is bad necessarily, just it drew away my attention on the first read for me. Sorry to harp on about that, esp. if it's a mistake lol. Just my reading.
And the trees applaud,
All of them I enjoyed the phrasing of this "audience". Introducing yourself as the actor first solidified the personal feel.
A patient audience
As I question my place
In this world; Repeating the struggle really suggested to me how deep the turmoil is. To me this repetition suggested the narrator is completely lost, with no idea how to breakdown such a big question.
They don’t pry This was leading, but also tone-shifting. If the "audience" was part of the universe then their lack of opression as told earlier is different, but not contrasting. To me this portrayed the narrator as less self-centered and more introspective. There seems less relationship between universe and narrator. The power of the universe is there to be observed; I felt this fit well with the title.
After a while After several readings, this line felt pivotal to me. This is where the narrator interacts and draws particular attention from their surroundings as opposed to being completely subject to the elements. Given this, I thought the idea that this took time was interesting to me as a reader.
I look up
And the stars cry out in the silent night
And ask me to listen This felt much more interpersonal, as if the universe is now an interlocutor. Perhaps this was the case to begin with, and knowing this is coming did change my later readings.
They say
The beauty of the universe
Would pass quietly by
Without me.
They tell me This is nice substance wise. It feels like this person is becoming more a part of the universe rather than observer.
That I was one of them
Long ago
I see my reflection
In them
As I look up,
My eyes windows Interesting on the first read especially. The heart is the observer. It's a nice twist on the title, I think.
Illuminating my heart This is a pretty beautiful line. Where you might say this poem hits some cliches, personally this part felt quite original and imaginative
With the moon’s light
And I cry There is something interesting going on with observing and the observing tool in this poem. Whether audience, windows, or eyes, or a mix. The idea of crying paints an interesting image given the metaphor of the eyes being windows. As if it is getting blurry.
Because they are right
And the heavens
Cry with me
In their own way
I think I liked this uncertainty in the poem. It adds to the feeling of humility and having it as an isolated line made it feel very retrospective.
But I don’t cry Even on the first read, this line break stuck out as it adds to the narrative revision. I cry, they cry, but I don't cry. I like the uncertainty
For too long
And how could I
Because when I look around
The universe takes away
My breath
Once again. Affirmed the overwhelmed feeling of the poem. Not an unexpected end, but I didn't feel it was weak. It was rather emotionally satisfying and exhaustive, in a good way.
Overall, as a reader I enjoyed the middle and end the most. As you can see I'm quite obsessed with windows XD. As a reader that was the big interesting part to me, I think because this is a relatable, much-done topic but some of the imagery was thought-provoking. Especially on re-reads. I will confess on the first read I was not sure, which I hope you don't take too critically, just my first impression which I hope is helpful. It was very rewarding on re-reads.
I hope this was remotely helpful Again this was just my feelings and thoughts as a reader. I enjoyed reading and analysing and thinking about windows too much haha, it felt like there was a good bit there to think about.
Thanks!
