Children, once they're grown

[busker]

Children, once they're grown

Children, once they're grown,
are gone forever.
Where do they go to?
Why does time never stop?

Why can't it be like how they
told us of the future
in comic book shops - 
where the past is a page we could visit once again,
not in the mind, as through a window pane,
but walk in once again?

In Browning's retold rhyme
the piper wasn't death, only the 
passage of time.

Tell me there's a way 
to come back from tomorrow.
Time is at the quantum level
a double headed arrow,
merely an illusion, pure poppycock.

So can you turn back the clock 
to just my boy and me?

[milo]

Children, once they're grown

Children, once they're grown,
are gone forever.
Where do they go to?
Why does time never stop?

So, I have a couple issues with this.  First, The title adds nothing at all, so it is a wasted opportunity.  But second, and most importantly, the whole first strophe is just exposition and it isn't new exposition, readers have heard this sentiment 1000 times and most of them are better said.  I really feel like you need a metaphor here to draw the reader in.

Why can't it be like how they
told us of the future
in comic book shops - 
where the past is a page we could visit once again,
not in the mind, as through a window pane,
but walk in once again?

I don't think bring in the royal "they" is helping at this point. I think here we finally meet your metaphor so, not surprisingly, it is the best part of the poem.  The past like pages to flip through and memories like window panes.  Unfortunately, it is drawn a little too clunky.

In Browning's retold rhyme
the piper wasn't death, only the 
passage of time.

Yes, Browning did already say this, it was a masterpiece of writing.  In this case, I don't think the allusion helps that much because it feels like it overwhelms your whole story

Tell me there's a way 
to come back from tomorrow.
Time is at the quantum level
a double headed arrow,
merely an illusion, pure poppycock.

The immediate dismissal of the narrator's discourse doesn't allow the reader to fully absorb it before it is immediatey irrelevant anyway.

So can you turn back the clock 
to just my boy and me?

yah, "turn back the clock" is just cliche so why add it here?  you have already said as much several times in this poem?
The ending feels like it could have been a reveal but lacks punch

Thank you for posting this poem

[busker]

I find your feedback on S4 most interesting. I was going for a different effect there, but it’s not necessarily rtranslating.
Thanks for reading and critting. Something to think about.

[milo]

I find your feedback on S4 most interesting. I was going for a different effect there, but it’s not necessarily rtranslating.
Thanks for reading and critting. Something to think about.

yah, I don't know if I was clear

You introduced the concept of quantum time (or time at the quantum level) only to immediately call time poppycock so quickly after, it felt dishonest to me.  Now, normally, I do love this kind of wordplay trickery as it builds tension before the reveal but for some reason it felt shoe horned in with the rest.  I don't know exactly.

[wasellajam]

Children, once they're grown

Children, once they're grown,
are gone forever.
Where do they go to?
Why does time never stop?

Sounds like the typical parental whine, wondering why you would open with this, feel I'm missing something.

Why can't it be like how they
told us of the future
in comic book shops - 
where the past is a page we could visit once again,
not in the mind, as through a window pane,
but walk in once again?

I'm almost with you here, but then, for me, rereading a comic book is like looking through a window pane, it doesn't come alive to me the way it does to your N.

In Browning's retold rhyme
the piper wasn't death, only the 
passage of time.

Oh, the piper, my childhood crush, I wanted to join those children. So for me just saying The piper would be enough, but maybe he needs the intro. Either way, I think you could do something interesting here that leads the reader to your conclusion on their own.

Tell me there's a way 
to come back from tomorrow.
Time is at the quantum level
a double headed arrow,
merely an illusion, pure poppycock.

I like the first two lines here, trying to like L3, love the double arrow, I can see time traveling from each end. But I don't think that's the illusion you're leading me to. I'm confused.

So can you turn back the clock 
to just my boy and me?

I don't know enough about these two to understand why the now is unacceptable.

So, I haven't been reading too much poetry lately, before the last few weeks, so apologies if there's something I'm missing. I've been trying but I just don't get the tone of it. Thanks for posting it so I could at least try.

[busker]

Thanks for the crit, ella. Some useful insights.

The concept of time as being equivalent in both directions: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CPT_symmetry (the general idea is not hard to follow, but I have no idea about the detail. It's well outside my area of knowledge).