Primitive Hope

[Bunx]

Primitive Hope

A life without stigma
would be a place
uncivilized.

A living existence,
finding purpose being 
hypnotized.

Though,

what is true to me
is living tranquilized.

Trauma blurs reality;
coping clears conscientiousness.

Hoping one day my mind
won't have to be restrained. 

Mastering mentality
living without shame.

[dukealien]

Primitive Hope

A life without stigma
would be a place
uncivilized.

A living existence,
finding purpose being 
hypnotized.

Though,

what is true to me
is living tranquilized.

Truma blurs reality;
cooping clears conscientiousness.

Hoping one day my mind
won't have to be restrained. 

Mastering mentality
living without shame.

There was a political cartoon this morning - Uncle Sam lying in OR, flatlined, labeled "Virtue" with one of the docs remarking this was bound to happen after the death of Shame.

Stanza 5:  since it contains not one but two apparent typos ("Truma" and "cooping") I suspect that they're meant - simulating or actually the product of the speaker typing on a too-small keypad.  In which case "cooping" could even be a Freudian slip by the, er, committed.

FWIW, "Truma" is apparently a German manufacturer of environmental systems, e.g. off-grid heating.  OK, isolated, makes sense.  And "cooping" was a vote-fraud system where subjects were locked up and forced or liquored up to vote repeatedly for the desired candidate.  There, too, a sort of fit.  Today I guess we'd call it a form of siloing.  Weird and wonderful are the ways...

[milo]

Primitive Hope

A life without stigma
would be a place
uncivilized.

So, I think this thought is really the best part of the poem.

Life - as a place.  I wonder how much that could be expanded on.  Perhaps make life a place the central metaphor and develop from there instead of moving on?

A living existence,
finding purpose being 
hypnotized.

Though,

what is true to me
is living tranquilized.

Truma blurs reality;
cooping clears conscientiousness.

Hoping one day my mind
won't have to be restrained. 

Mastering mentality
living without shame.

I also liked the uncivilized/hypnotized rhyme.

Thanks

[Bunx]

Hey Milo thanks for the read! I agree too my inspiration for the poem is mental health viewpoints within tribal communities. Often viewing what the western world views as illness as a blessing. I agree too I think I need to focus in on this one and make it reflection the inspiration more.

[milo]

Hey Milo thanks for the read! I agree too my inspiration for the poem is mental health viewpoints within tribal communities. Often viewing what the western world views as illness as a blessing. I agree too I think I need to focus in on this one and make it reflection the inspiration more.

Have you considered metaphorically describing this journey to live in this place called life? Or perhaps describing this place? What does this place look like? What does it smell like?

I think I would like that

[Bunx]

Duke thanks for the feedback! I'll fix up the typos haha I'm looking forward to the day where I don't post a typo

---

Milo- a place called, life challenge accepted. I like that as a prompt it is giving ideas already

[milo]

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Duke thanks for the feedback! I'll fix up the typos haha I'm looking forward to the day where I don't post a typo

---

Milo- a place called, life challenge accepted. I like that as a prompt it is giving ideas already

I am looking forward to it