Open your eyes

[TheCryptCreeper]

-- Newest Revision --

A verdant terrain.
Nature’s gift, a fertile ground.
Drenched in April's rain.

Yet burning waves bound.
Over land, and sunlight spreads.
Under mid-life’s crown.

Crescent yellow threads.
Ancient branches crack and bend.
Now weeping soft reds.

Sharp freezing winds rend.
Extinguishing warmth within.
Exit Old Year's end. 

Melting snow signals the next cycle's spin.
Everything will change, but your kith and kin.

-- Original Post --
A young green terrain,
nature’s gift, a fertile ground.
Dearest Kore’s reign.

Yet burning waves bound
over land, and sunlight spreads.
Under mid-life’s crown.

Cascading swept reds,
a gale howls through, branches crack.
Naked spindly shreds.

Sharp cold winds attack,
extinguishing fire within.
Exit the last act.

Make ready for the festivities to begin.
Enjoy a final end, and celebrate with kin.

[Mostly Holy]

An curious poem. Four haikus and a closing couplet. The haikus all work, the final couplet a little puzzling. As I read it, the poem is both a set of portraits of the seasons, and an allegory for ageing and death? So the festivities in the closing couplet seem odd, I suppose you might mean something like a wake, and ofc it works with the reading as a nature poem, the festivities being Christmas (presumably), but ti does not work as a funeral, even a raucous one.

The imagery is clear, the classical reference in the first stanza is odd because it is the only one in the poem, I would suggest either cutting it or adding something to mirror it in one or all of the other haikus. I might also suggest that the "naked spindly shreds" line sounds more wintery than autumnal, I get what you are going for, the wind stripping the dead leaves from the tree, but "bare branches" is much more of a signifier of winter, I think.

In all an interesting poem with an interesting structure that is slightly muddled by its ending.

[TheCryptCreeper]

An curious poem. Four haikus and a closing couplet. The haikus all work, the final couplet a little puzzling. As I read it, the poem is both a set of portraits of the seasons, and an allegory for ageing and death? So the festivities in the closing couplet seem odd, I suppose you might mean something like a wake, and ofc it works with the reading as a nature poem, the festivities being Christmas (presumably), but ti does not work as a funeral, even a raucous one.

The imagery is clear, the classical reference in the first stanza is odd because it is the only one in the poem, I would suggest either cutting it or adding something to mirror it in one or all of the other haikus. I might also suggest that the "naked spindly shreds" line sounds more wintery than autumnal, I get what you are going for, the wind stripping the dead leaves from the tree, but "bare branches" is much more of a signifier of winter, I think.

In all an interesting poem with an interesting structure that is slightly muddled by its ending.

Heya Holy, thank you for the response. I have taken your feedback into consideration and made some amendments. Have a blessed day!

[Mostly Holy]

Okay let me have another go. I think this version is much better!

Method: Your rhymes are clean, which is appropriate for a sonnet but less so for your subject matter, which is pretty dark. I think a few slant rhymes might help, especially in the later seasons. You could rhyme "wind" directly with "end" in your winter stanza, for example. Some good euphony but it is not consistent, consider varying the consonants and internal rhymes between seasons, making summer mellow and winter sharp and hard acoustically.

Manner: The strict form you are using demands that you do not waste a single syllable on anything trite, cliche, or just filler. Sixteen syllables is not much to pack in a season and a stage of life so you have to make every word count double. To this end I have highlighted every part of your poem that I think you could use more vivid and original imagery in, or where I thought the imagery was muddled or unclear. I am not suggesting you change every one of them, or any of them, just that these are the ones that jumped out to me. Cliches are in green, confusing images in pink, weak phrases in blue: 

A verdant terrain.                           
Nature’s gift, a fertile ground.      
Drenched in April's rain.               

Yet burning waves bound.             seems more like an autumnal image
Over land, and sunlight spreads.
Under mid-life’s crown.

Crescent yellow threads.                 confusing image, is it a field of wheat? Why it is a crescent?
Ancient branches crack and bend.    
Now weeping soft reds.                  melodramatic and unclear

Sharp freezing winds rend.
Extinguishing warmth within.          winter is already cold, unless you mean warmth within houses, which seems thematically unrelated?
Exit Old Year's end. 

Melting snow signals the next cycle's spin.        
Everything will change, but your kith and kin.     

Matter: You are erring very much on the side of "nature poem", your metaphor is somewhat lost. I think more images that could be either nature or human, like "withered limbs" and "fraying tops" could help push the parallel development of the seasons and the stages of life. Your closer needs much more of a bite, the one you have is rather sentimental and also confusing. "death changes everything, except our friends and family" does not follow form your poem, and is obviously factually untrue as well. I also think it is a mistake to mention April, or the years end, directly. Haikus work best when they play it coy and force the reader to interpret images hidden in tight wordplay.

In all I really liked this version, I think your edits really helped and I look forward to seeing the next version, if you make one.

[sun_sparks]

-- Newest Revision --

A verdant terrain.
Nature’s gift, a fertile ground.
Drenched in April's rain. This stanza is very rooted in location. I do feel that verdant is slightly later in the year than April though, and perhaps less water logged than drenched soil. From my Irish eyes, this last line is perfect. I love the word "drenched" - cliche though it may be. The idea of land lying fertile awaiting growth is interesting. Perhaps earlier in the year?

Yet burning waves bound. I was confused by this - what are the burning waves? It seems violent. The full stop/period also threw me here.
Over land, and sunlight spreads.
Under mid-life’s crown. I felt that sunlight would come from above a crown, not under it, so this made me hesitate. It's also the first reference to implied humanity, which may need to come earlier?

Crescent yellow threads. I assumed the sun for crescent yellow - perhaps low sun filtering through branches? It's not terribly clear though.
Ancient branches crack and bend. I liked the sharp sound in "crack"
Now weeping soft reds. This stanza is colourful, but perhaps too obviously autumn/fall. It would be nice to play with this.

Sharp freezing winds rend.
Extinguishing warmth within.
Exit Old Year's end. I found the phrase "Old Year" quite forced

Melting snow signals the next cycle's spin. The melting snow image is overused. There might be something else that could be used instead?
Everything will change, but your kith and kin. This last couplet felt quite forced, as if you weren't 100% sure what your message would be. In fact, when we look at the cycle of the seasons, nothing really changes. That's why it's such a popular topic for poetry! The rhyming of "spin" and "kin" also feels as though you were reaching for a rhyme scheme at the expense of the message.

-- Original Post --
A young green terrain,
nature’s gift, a fertile ground.
Dearest Kore’s reign.

Yet burning waves bound
over land, and sunlight spreads.
Under mid-life’s crown.

Cascading swept reds,
a gale howls through, branches crack.
Naked spindly shreds.

Sharp cold winds attack,
extinguishing fire within.
Exit the last act.

Make ready for the festivities to begin.
Enjoy a final end, and celebrate with kin.

Despite my lack of positive comments above, I enjoyed the concept of this poem, and it was helpful to see its evolution from your first version. However, I found the flow a little confusing, much as Mostly Holy wrote above. It jumps a little from one season to the next. I wonder whether you could nail the last couplet first - what are you trying to say? From there, perhaps, you can tease the seasonal journey a little more. I personally love to see writing that explores colour - your autumn stanza attempts this.

[TheCryptCreeper]

Heya Sun! Thanks both for the comments; I think I will have to go away and have a think about this one, each time I pour over it I just get the urge to rip it apart and start from the ground up! Once I've deliberated and made some changes I will post the revised version. Thanks again!