Hydraulic jacks.

[tun]

His arms were
irresistibly powerful
remorseless bodies
of sacred truth archetype and myth
like hydraulic jacks
he massaged into his muscles
his own proprietary concoction
of pig fat and wintergreen
every evening
his bronze skin
glowing with a preternatural
and a supernal luminous hypnotic emanation
of invincible vitality
smooth and flawless
his physical supremacy
acting as a force of conditioning power
upon everything in its range and dimension
I presented my body to him
you may have use of it
whensoever need arises
I assured him
the flesh of woman
a commonplace and a ready convenience to him
he used me as was his wont
in his own time
with a slow and with a smouldering need
my body becoming a tomb for his lust
the ecstasies he superinduced in me
by his routine and by his cursory
and by his casual attentions
altered and expanded
the very ground of my awareness
my need for him
a thread leading to infinity.

[dukealien]

Lady Chatterley's Chopped Liver (hat tip to MAD Magazine)?

Seriously, though - this could grace (and improve) the pages of many a bodice-ripper, though an editor might suggest the more poetic "lard" in place of "pig-fat."  Or even "bacon," which could draw in a few members of the great-thewed set with its pleasant emanations.

[Weeded]

I haven't made my way through all of your poems, and although most of them seem like a person just masturbating to their own thoughts, I hold the opinion that this one is awesome, ironically enough.

[tun]

I haven't made my way through all of your poems, and although most of them seem like a person just masturbating to their own thoughts, I hold the opinion that this one is awesome, ironically enough.

I can't read your poems. They don't interest me.

[Weeded]

I haven't made my way through all of your poems, and although most of them seem like a person just masturbating to their own thoughts, I hold the opinion that this one is awesome, ironically enough.

I can't read your poems. They don't interest me.

Yeah I'm not much of a poet. I do enjoy watching you and Rowens interact though 

[tun]

I haven't made my way through all of your poems, and although most of them seem like a person just masturbating to their own thoughts, I hold the opinion that this one is awesome, ironically enough.

I can't read your poems. They don't interest me.

Yeah I'm not much of a poet. I do enjoy watching you and Rowens interact though 

What do you make of it? How would you describe it?

[Weeded]

I can't read your poems. They don't interest me.

Yeah I'm not much of a poet. I do enjoy watching you and Rowens interact though 

What do you make of it? How would you describe it?

hmm its like two savants sharing a newspaper on the toilet 

[tun]

Yeah I'm not much of a poet. I do enjoy watching you and Rowens interact though 

What do you make of it? How would you describe it?

hmm its like two savants sharing a newspaper on the toilet 

But then how would I describe it?

[Weeded]

What do you make of it? How would you describe it?

hmm its like two savants sharing a newspaper on the toilet 

But then how would I describe it?

Hey HEY I'm not Rowens don't try to rope me into your little sexual chocolate talk, what's it?

[tun]

hmm its like two savants sharing a newspaper on the toilet 

But then how would I describe it?

Hey HEY I'm not Rowens don't try to rope me into your little sexual chocolate talk, what's it?

Look I am training you. This is all for you, remember?

[Weeded]

But then how would I describe it?

Hey HEY I'm not Rowens don't try to rope me into your little sexual chocolate talk, what's it?

Look I am training you. This is all for you, remember?

HOW TO GASLIGHT featuring Tun

So first you make them feel stupid, and then you make them feel inferior
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

am I on the right track?

[tun]

Hey HEY I'm not Rowens don't try to rope me into your little sexual chocolate talk, what's it?

Look I am training you. This is all for you, remember?

HOW TO GASLIGHT featuring Tun

So first you make them feel stupid, and then you make them feel inferior
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

am I on the right track?

But I don't feel stupid or inferior. What do you mean?

[Weeded]

Look I am training you. This is all for you, remember?

HOW TO GASLIGHT featuring Tun

So first you make them feel stupid, and then you make them feel inferior
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

am I on the right track?

But I don't feel stupid or inferior. What do you mean?

fuhgeddabahtit

hey can you recommend a poem? written by someone other than you? just curious if you've read anything good lately

[tun]

HOW TO GASLIGHT featuring Tun

So first you make them feel stupid, and then you make them feel inferior
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

am I on the right track?

But I don't feel stupid or inferior. What do you mean?

fuhgeddabahtit

hey can you recommend a poem? written by someone other than you? just curious if you've read anything good lately

~~Division of Philosophy.

Philosophy
may be said to contain
the principles
of the rational cognition
that concepts afford us of things
not merely
as with logic
the principles
of the form of thought in general
irrespective of the objects
and thus interpreted
the course usually adopted
of dividing it into
theoretical and practical
is perfectly sound
but this makes imperative
a specific distinction
on the part of the concepts
by which the principles
of this rational cognition
get their object assigned to them
for if the concepts are not distinct
they fail to justify a division
which always presupposes
that the principles
belonging to the rational cognition
of the several parts of the science in question
are themselves mutually exclusive.

Immanuel Kant.

[Weeded]

But I don't feel stupid or inferior. What do you mean?

fuhgeddabahtit

hey can you recommend a poem? written by someone other than you? just curious if you've read anything good lately

~~Division of Philosophy.

Philosophy
may be said to contain
the principles
of the rational cognition
that concepts afford us of things
not merely
as with logic
the principles
of the form of thought in general
irrespective of the objects
and thus interpreted
the course usually adopted
of dividing it into
theoretical and practical
is perfectly sound
but this makes imperative
a specific distinction
on the part of the concepts
by which the principles
of this rational cognition
get their object assigned to them
for if the concepts are not distinct
they fail to justify a division
which always presupposes
that the principles
belonging to the rational cognition
of the several parts of the science in question
are themselves mutually exclusive.

Immanuel Kant.

I could tell you're smart but damn straight to Kant eh? Do you think you could rewrite this, in a humorous way?

[tun]

fuhgeddabahtit

hey can you recommend a poem? written by someone other than you? just curious if you've read anything good lately

~~Division of Philosophy.

Philosophy
may be said to contain
the principles
of the rational cognition
that concepts afford us of things
not merely
as with logic
the principles
of the form of thought in general
irrespective of the objects
and thus interpreted
the course usually adopted
of dividing it into
theoretical and practical
is perfectly sound
but this makes imperative
a specific distinction
on the part of the concepts
by which the principles
of this rational cognition
get their object assigned to them
for if the concepts are not distinct
they fail to justify a division
which always presupposes
that the principles
belonging to the rational cognition
of the several parts of the science in question
are themselves mutually exclusive.

Immanuel Kant.

I could tell you're smart but damn straight to Kant eh? Do you think you could rewrite this, in a humorous way?

Cut to the chase.

[Weeded]

~~Division of Philosophy.

Philosophy
may be said to contain
the principles
of the rational cognition
that concepts afford us of things
not merely
as with logic
the principles
of the form of thought in general
irrespective of the objects
and thus interpreted
the course usually adopted
of dividing it into
theoretical and practical
is perfectly sound
but this makes imperative
a specific distinction
on the part of the concepts
by which the principles
of this rational cognition
get their object assigned to them
for if the concepts are not distinct
they fail to justify a division
which always presupposes
that the principles
belonging to the rational cognition
of the several parts of the science in question
are themselves mutually exclusive.

Immanuel Kant.

I could tell you're smart but damn straight to Kant eh? Do you think you could rewrite this, in a humorous way?

Cut to the chase.

I'll give you $5 if you can satirize Division of Philosophy. Would be fun to read, AND you could truthfully say you've made $ writing poetry! A win-win!! 

[tun]

I could tell you're smart but damn straight to Kant eh? Do you think you could rewrite this, in a humorous way?

Cut to the chase.

I'll give you $5 if you can satirize Division of Philosophy. Would be fun to read, AND you could truthfully say you've made $ writing poetry! A win-win!! 

I am sorry if you have run out of ideas.

[Weeded]

Cut to the chase.

I'll give you $5 if you can satirize Division of Philosophy. Would be fun to read, AND you could truthfully say you've made $ writing poetry! A win-win!! 

I am sorry if you have run out of ideas.

As am I. I was really looking forward to it.

[tun]

I'll give you $5 if you can satirize Division of Philosophy. Would be fun to read, AND you could truthfully say you've made $ writing poetry! A win-win!! 

I am sorry if you have run out of ideas.

As am I. I was really looking forward to it.

Look I wasn't born yesterday.