Prized Mirror Man

[Deor Ana Log]

Nestled in every layer of life,
do tired eyelids try to linger and can’t?
Does “becoming” collapses into a commodity
owned by the happiest hand
in constant demand?
Do the most easily accepted people
have jokes that don’t land?
When you realize that the morphed-you moments
aren’t in the mold of right, wrong or planned.
The paper portrait of “who I am” develops etches
that are imbued with almost enough glass.
Only reflecting your uneven selves
breaking down your primordial dam.
It’s paged, printed and pinned,
until you realize that you imagine yourself,
more than you are or have been.
That true growth stands somewhere between
a cage of forever enacted interludes,
and an ocean of “I understand”.
And it dawns that invisible worlds of escape
came from rocky grounds where
the sturdiest people stand.

[dukealien]

Nestled in every layer of life, nice alliteration on "L"
do tired eyelids try to linger and can’t?  as a minimum, "but" instead of "and," but this line needs one beat less, or one more.
Does “becoming” collapses into a commodity  just "collapse," grammatically;  "lapse" instead and remove "a" for flow?
owned by the happiest hand  nice line
in constant demand? the rhyme's ok, given where you're going next this line seems unnecessary
Do the most easily accepted people  is "easily" necessary?  Or drop "the most" and leave "easily"
have jokes that don’t land?  "make" or "tell" rather than the less active "have"
When you realize that the morphed-you moments  could flow better, e.g. "When you learn you-morphing moments"
aren’t in the mold of right, wrong or planned.  perhaps "don't fit the scheme"  since you don't use molding as a metaphor elsewhere.  And maybe an extra "or" for rhythm
The paper portrait of “who I am” develops etches  maybe lose "of" ... and I don't see "etches" - do you mean scratches, or ripples, decorations?
that are imbued with almost enough glass.  perhaps lose "that are" and consider "near-sufficient mass?"
Only reflecting your uneven selves  ok, this reflects (g) back to the etches - strengthens ripples as replacement
breaking down your primordial dam.  I'm stopped at "dam" without a paddle.  Meant to portray resistance, maybe?  I'm lost.
It’s paged, printed and pinned,  another nice line
until you realize that you imagine yourself,  perhaps "find" in place of "realize," and break the line after "imagine"
more than you are or have been.  suggestion:  "yourself more than you ever were or are."
That true growth stands somewhere between
a cage of forever enacted interludes, perhaps "constantly" in place of "forever"
and an ocean of “I understand”.  lovely line
And it dawns that invisible worlds of escape just for flow - "It dawns that worlds invisible, escapes" (pardon the rewrite)
came from rocky grounds where perhaps "arose" in place of "came" and drop "where" to the next line
the sturdiest people stand.  maybe "where only sturdy people stand," but punch it up since this is your concluding line

In moderate critique, please excuse the likely excess of blue pencil.  I found this work a somewhat challenging read, but it contains a lot of good imagery - I just couldn't connect it together in my mind.  One or two words ("dam," in particular, and "etches") were so unexpected they derailed my train of thought completely.  Which is only to admit my limitations.

So don't take *all* the suggestions above to heart, but see which ones lead in directions you meant to go.