Cream.

[tun]

Who has cream
these days
#
What do you mean
#
Well you just have it
on special occasions
don’t you
#
Yes
#
They have got too much cream
haven’t they
#
Have they
#
They don’t know what to do with it
do they
nobody wants it
do they
they are palming it all off on us
under the table
they are putting cream in everything
they sold the cream to a corporation
to get rid of it
it isn’t good for you
and they are blanketing us with it
soaking us to death
in cream
#
Are they
#
Think of it
Heinz Cream of tomato soup
Harvey’s Bristol Cream
Bailey’s Irish Cream
White Russian
you don’t buy double cream that often
do you
#
Once every few years
#
Look at what is going on
for god’s sake
#
I knew a man who had cream in his pea soup
every saturday before he died
#
Some people carry on with the same lifestyle
dairy products can be deadly
the ‘strangle-cheese’ scenario
if you will
the ‘schmuzzlegump omega’
I had to fight
I had to fight
because of my accent
I had to stand up for myself
what was I supposed to do
as an Eastender in a schoolboy in Acton
when my legs are too swollen
my friend cannot throw me
into the back of his van
I am too heavy then with the water
the oedema
talking is exercise
as good as walking my friend
#
Your legs they do strike me
#
How so
#
They have no character
they look useless
there is nothing of you in them
they are alien and strange
shocking and foreboding
dismal and aimless
as if the silent floating limbs of a gestating foetus
can you use them
#
Yes.

[dukealien]

Who has cream  presenter
these days
#
What do you mean  interlocutor
#
Well you just have it  presenter
on special occasions
don’t you
#
Yes  interlocutor
#
They have got too much cream  presenter
haven’t they
#
Have they  interlocutor
#
They don’t know what to do with it
do they
nobody wants it
do they
they are palming it all off on us
under the table
they are putting cream in everything
they sold the cream to a corporation  presenter
to get rid of it
it isn’t good for you
and they are blanketing us with it
soaking us to death
in cream
#
Are they  interlocutor
#
Think of it
Heinz Cream of tomato soup
Harvey’s Bristol Cream
Bailey’s Irish Cream  presenter
White Russian
you don’t buy double cream that often
do you
#
Once every few years  interlocutor
#
Look at what is going on  presenter
for god’s sake
#
I knew a man who had cream in his pea soup
every saturday before he died  interlocutor
#
Some people carry on with the same lifestyle
dairy products can be deadly
the ‘strangle-cheese’ scenario
if you will
the ‘schmuzzlegump omega’
I had to fight
I had to fight
because of my accent
I had to stand up for myself
what was I supposed to do
as an Eastender in a schoolboy in Acton
when my legs are too swollen
my friend cannot throw me
into the back of his van
I am too heavy then with the water
the oedema
talking is exercise
as good as walking my friend  presenter
#
Your legs they do strike me  interlocutor
#
How so  presenter
#
They have no character
they look useless
there is nothing of you in them
they are alien and strange
shocking and foreboding
dismal and aimless
as if the silent floating limbs of a gestating foetus
can you use them  interlocutor
#
Yes.  presenter

In mild to moderate critiques:  the first thing I noticed was that this is in the nature of a conversation - there's definitely a presenter (first stanza) and an interlocutor (therapist?) but they're not differentiated or titled typographically.  I made an attempt to label them, above, but the very lack of positive ID in the work raises useful questions.  Such as, is this a conversation, a session of some kind, or all going on between various personalities in one person's head?  We don't actually know.

I use "presenter" since that character (mostly) provides information - including answers to questions - while the interlocutor mostly (but not always) asks questions and seldom (but sometimes, significantly) provides information and answers.  Though sometimes answering with questions.

Aside from the interlocutor's final  statement, and the presenter's long statement ("Some people carry on with the same...") there is a lack of imagery, even of description.  This makes the two characters faceless entities until the presenter is finally described at the end.

But this is where it gets interesting, because the cool, patient interlocutor - the therapist, as I see him - definitely loses his cool at the end when he describes the presenter's body not clinically, just critically and in a derogatory manner.  To put it bluntly, the presenter finally got on his nerves.

Is that the cream of the conversation?  Perhaps.

Sugested improvements:  I think the tone of the poem is perfect for what it's doing.  Adding additional imagery would detract:  it needs the shock when the interlocutor busts loose at the end, and the measured conversational tone (which could even carry over to those possibly hurtful remarks) is nicely sustained.

What I would suggest is more conventional typography - just leave white space instead of the hashmarks, and indent the interlocutor's stanzas.  This relieves the reader from the task of keeping them straight, but I don't see confusing him as a useful objective.  Or the two speakers' lines could be in contrasting typefaces, or one in italllics (good if you want to suggest this is an internal conversation within one person's mind).

The lack of punctuation didn't bother me (lack of question marks for obvious questions, in particular).  I think you can do without them, so stet.

This could work as a radio short - even a monologue, with the actor using different voices or regional accents to differentiate.

Interesting and challenging - thanks for posting.