Nitty gritty ditty (lyrics any crit)

[CRNDLSM]

Experimenting on critiquing lyrics, the challenge was  write a country song using the words 'oaks, oldsmobile,  and Texas '  I don't have a guitar part for it yet, just looking for thoughts and suggestions.  Thank you!
Edit 2

My baby left me for the city
Said I didn't know how to make her feel pretty
I'd rather have a party leave out the pity
Talking about a nitty gritty

If you asked me it's the weirdest of flexes
Trading in her oldsmobile for a Lexus 
If she's gonna be the new queen of Texas
I'm prolly better off as one of her exes
I find the fields to let my wheels get muddy 
Sitting round the fire drinking beer with my buddies
Plenty girls here to turn me to putty
Were looking for fun we don't need no money

My baby left me for the city
Said I didn't know how to make her feel pretty
I don't wanna waste my day feeling shitty
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty

She's hustling for money while swimming in debt
Staring at her ceiling, stressed and upset
I'm working outside, soaking in sweat
But I'll never regret enjoying that sunset
Goosebump breeze under shady oaks
Swinging on benches sipping tea with the old folks
Listening to crickets while the bullfrog croaks
I can do what i want while my brisket smokes

My baby left me for the city
Said I didn't know how to make her feel pretty
Let's have a party leave out the pity
Talking about the nitty gritty
My baby left me for the city
Said I didn't know how to make her feel pretty
Big o kitties but love was itty bitty
Talking about that nitty gritty






Edit:

She thought she would leave me for the city
Said I didn't know how to make her feel pretty
I'd rather have a party leave out the pity
Talking about a nitty gritty ditty

If you asked me it's the weirdest of flexes
Trading in her oldsmobile for a Lexus 
If she's gonna be the new queen of Texas
I'm prolly better off as one of her exes
She's in the school struggling with studies
Trying to make friends without being slutty
While i found the fields to let my wheels get muddy 
Sitting round the fire drinking beer with my buddies

She thought she would leave me for the city
Said I didn't know how to make her feel pretty
I don't wanna waste my day feeling shitty
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty

She's hustling for money while swimming in debt
Staring at her ceiling, stressed and upset
I'm working outside, soaking in sweat
But I'll never regret enjoying that sunset
Goosebump breeze under shady oaks
Swinging on benches sipping tea with the old folks
Listening to crickets while the bullfrog croaks
We can do what we want while the brisket smokes

She thought she would leave me for the city
Said I didn't know how to make her feel pretty
Let's have a party leave out the pity
Talking about the nitty gritty ditty
Don't wanna waste the day feeling shitty
Let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty
Another line her love was itty bitty
Talk about it in a nitty gritty ditty




Original:

The love of my youth left me for the city 
Said no one round here really made her feel pretty
A broken heart can feel pretty shitty 
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty

She dumped me and went on one of the weirdest flexes
Traded in her oldsmobile for a Lexus
Dreaming she'll one day be the queen of Texas
I might a dodged a bullet being one of her exes

Shed rather go to school and spend the day with her studies
Her so called friends expecting her to be slutty
While out on the weekend I let my wheels get muddy
Sitting round a fire shooting beer with my buddies

The love of my youth left me for the city 
Said no one round here really made her feel pretty
A broken heart can feel pretty shitty 
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty

She's hustling for money, swimming in debt
Staring at her ceiling, stressed and upset
I'm outside for a minute soaking in sweat
But never regret enjoying each sunset

Goosebump breeze under shady oaks
Swinging on a bench sharing tea with the old folks
Listening to crickets while the bull frog croaks
I do what I want while the brisket smokes

The love of my youth left me for the city 
Said no one round here really made her feel pretty
A broken heart can feel pretty shitty 
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty

For some people nothing will ever be enough
Gotta go out and load up with more stuff
Making your way in the world can be rough
Don't lose yourself while looking for love

[Knot]

Hi CRNDLSM,

this doesn't feel like a country song, more a (nitty gritty ditty) parody of one (which isn't necessarily a criticism.)
What is a problem, for me, it that 'the love of my youth' has no name, and they don't seem to be the same person throughout.

The love of my youth left me for the city
Said no one round here really made her feel pretty
A broken heart can feel pretty shitty
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty .......... Assuming this is the chorus, to me it's the weakest part of the piece.
'love of my youth' is too vague, likewise 'no one round here' - is she referring to N or to people in general. And where is here?
And this 'love' doesn't seem to be the same as any in the other 'verses'.

She dumped me and went on one of the weirdest flexes
Traded in her oldsmobile for a Lexus
Dreaming she'll one day be the queen of Texas
I might a dodged a bullet being one of her exes ....... it's funny, but a bit incoherent. How does 'Lexus' lead to 'queen of Texas'? Is the joke in the contradiction between that type of car and the stereotype of the oil state of Texas? If so, maybe you could punch up the details a bit?
And if N thinks they 'dodged a bullet', then where's the 'broken heart'?
Three 'ones' in this verse. Too many.

Shed rather go to school and spend the day with her studies
Her so called friends expecting her to be slutty
While out on the weekend I let my wheels get muddy
Sitting round a fire shooting beer with my buddies ........... what does this verse have to do with the rest?
The 'so called friends line' baffles me. There's no context for it. Why would they expect that?
Oh, and you're missing an apostrophe in L1,it's she'd.

The love of my youth left me for the city
Said no one round here really made her feel pretty
A broken heart can feel pretty shitty
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty

She's hustling for money, swimming in debt
Staring at her ceiling, stressed and upset
I'm outside for a minute soaking in sweat
But never regret enjoying each sunset ........... If she's left for the city already how is N outside, and where?

Goosebump breeze under shady oaks
Swinging on a bench sharing tea with the old folks
Listening to crickets while the bull frog croaks
I do what I want while the brisket smokes ....... Again, what does this have to do with the rest?

The love of my youth left me for the city
Said no one round here really made her feel pretty
A broken heart can feel pretty shitty
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty

For some people nothing will ever be enough
Gotta go out and load up with more stuff
Making your way in the world can be rough
Don't lose yourself while looking for love .........But who is lost?


Granted, you can put it to music but at the moment ... it might be better figuring out what you're trying to say before doing that.
(Is she ambitious, materialistic, what? And how does N really feel about the breakup?)

These seem to me to be the strongest elements (with a couple of suggestions.)


She'd rather go to school and spend the day with her studies
....

She dumped me and went on the weirdest of flexes
Traded her Olds for a green hybrid Lexus

She's hustling for money, swimming in debt
It ain't just the spin class making her sweat

For some people nothing will ever be enough
Gotta go out and load up with more stuff

Making your way in the world can be rough
Don't lose yourself while looking for love

...
I might a dodged a bullet being one of her exes


Best, Knot


.

[CRNDLSM]

Thanks knot! I have no real experience with country music so it is a parody unfortunately, 

In my head, the narrator is hurt that his love left him, but can't really get over it, spends his time over emphasizing how good he has it while telling himself how bad the girl was or is based on his own misconceptions of city life.  The tempo is reminiscent of Alan Jackson's 'chattahoochie' as one of the only country songs I know lol

This is an experiment I'm working on with someone else so I'll see what edits they want to make.  I knew there would be differing opinions here, 

Very much appreciate it!

[rowens]

There's a divide where I live between what is country music. The old folks condemn anything before 1985 or so.
Hank Williams is pretty much the god-center for the old folks. They also seem to like Johnny Cash and Elvis' country songs.
I, of course, tend toward the women: Tammy Wynette, Patsy Cline, Tanya Tucker.
Bluegrass starts a lot of the older country performers out.


When I was a kid, I loved the Garth Brooks album: No Fences.
Clint Black and Dwight Yokam are some of the ones from the '80s and '90s that I thought were pretty good.



They play Linda Ronstadt on the classic country stations, though she is more than that.
Willie Nelson singing Whiskey River and George Jones songs are things I listen to at 3am, some nights.


You're from Texas. Listen around. 



....


Like blues, and most everything else, country songs have same chords with a little variety of tempo, and the singer's range is what makes something stand out. 
You can listen to these people's songs instrumentally, and simply make up your own words. All about feeling the rhythm in the strings. Bluegrass never even used drums or other percussion.

[CRNDLSM]

Thanks rowens, I do know some Clint black songs and a few others, when I handle country myself I feel like beyonces newest album, like it could be good, but it's kinda a costume. Inauthentic, being from Texas doesn't make me country

[rowens]

I didn't say that it made you country. I simply said to listen around. I'm sure that there is plenty to hear.

[Knot]

Hi CRNDLSM.

In my head, the narrator is hurt that his love left him, but can't really get over it, spends his time over emphasizing how good he has it while telling himself how bad the girl was or is based on his own misconceptions of city life.

Then I think you need to foreground the narrator more. And make him more comic.

Just a thought ...

The love of my life left me for the city

kicked me like a dog - showed me no pity

Didn't leave me a note - man, ain't that shitty?

Gonna try and work out why with a nitty gritty ditty

Was a bitter day in Texas when she swapped me for a Lexus

....

Time to pull on your Kinky Friedman boots and get to writin'

Best, Knot

.

[CRNDLSM]

I forgot about pity! That's a thousand times better chorus, maybe not exactly like you wrote it but definitely in that vein

---

I didn't say that it made you country. I simply said to listen around. I'm sure that there is plenty to hear.

I'm sure of that, I've gotten to the point where so much 'country music' sounds so much the same that I don't want to bother exploring.  Same slide guitar, same DRUMS, same accent, same thing with gospel music, and I'd just rather spend my time with psychedelic rock.

I can appreciate when someone shares a country song they really like, I can't always relate or remember

[Bunx]

this is a yodel honky tonk anthem

[CRNDLSM]

Edited - guitar part is being bounced off another guitar player, will update when It's settled, still open for suggestion but it's tighter now I think, thanks a bunch!

[Valerie Please]

Country lyrics?

Well I don’t mind if I do…

“My baby up and left me for the city 
Bright lights, strong girls, and the men are pretty
Come join my party, us fools we just a pity,
And sing me your own nitty gritty ditty.”

And then character at the party tells his story…

Experimenting on critiquing lyrics, the challenge was  write a country song using the words 'oaks, oldsmobile,  and Texas '  I don't have a guitar part for it yet, just looking for thoughts and suggestions.  Thank you!

Edit:

She thought she would leave me for the city
Said I didn't know how to make her feel pretty
I'd rather have a party leave out the pity
Talking about a nitty gritty ditty

If you asked me it's the weirdest of flexes
Trading in her oldsmobile for a Lexus 
If she's gonna be the new queen of Texas
I'm prolly better off as one of her exes
She's in the school struggling with studies
Trying to make friends without being slutty
While i found the fields to let my wheels get muddy 
Sitting round the fire drinking beer with my buddies

She thought she would leave me for the city
Said I didn't know how to make her feel pretty
I don't wanna waste my day feeling shitty
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty

She's hustling for money while swimming in debt
Staring at her ceiling, stressed and upset
I'm working outside, soaking in sweat
But I'll never regret enjoying that sunset
Goosebump breeze under shady oaks
Swinging on benches sipping tea with the old folks
Listening to crickets while the bullfrog croaks
We can do what we want while the brisket smokes

She thought she would leave me for the city
Said I didn't know how to make her feel pretty
Let's have a party leave out the pity
Talking about the nitty gritty ditty
Don't wanna waste the day feeling shitty
Let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty
Another line her love was itty bitty
Talk about it in a nitty gritty ditty




Original:

The love of my youth left me for the city 
Said no one round here really made her feel pretty
A broken heart can feel pretty shitty 
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty

She dumped me and went on one of the weirdest flexes
Traded in her oldsmobile for a Lexus
Dreaming she'll one day be the queen of Texas
I might a dodged a bullet being one of her exes

Shed rather go to school and spend the day with her studies
Her so called friends expecting her to be slutty
While out on the weekend I let my wheels get muddy
Sitting round a fire shooting beer with my buddies

The love of my youth left me for the city 
Said no one round here really made her feel pretty
A broken heart can feel pretty shitty 
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty

She's hustling for money, swimming in debt
Staring at her ceiling, stressed and upset
I'm outside for a minute soaking in sweat
But never regret enjoying each sunset

Goosebump breeze under shady oaks
Swinging on a bench sharing tea with the old folks
Listening to crickets while the bull frog croaks
I do what I want while the brisket smokes

The love of my youth left me for the city 
Said no one round here really made her feel pretty
A broken heart can feel pretty shitty 
So I let it all out in a nitty gritty ditty

For some people nothing will ever be enough
Gotta go out and load up with more stuff
Making your way in the world can be rough
Don't lose yourself while looking for love

[CRNDLSM]

Thanks val, as country i didn't say baby enough, that's a good edit, I also like the idea of trading stories around the campfire, round 3 coming in another week or more

[CRNDLSM]

This was the first guitar part


This guitar part is better


Still any crit, this is experimental

[Knot]

Hi CRNDLSM,

guitar part one for me (though the second one works if you're going for the comedy/light version.)
The lyrics could still do with a bit of polishing, but the one thing that let's it down, for me, is 'nitty, gritty ditty' - it feels like you/it has moved beyond that.

Best, Knot.

[CRNDLSM]

Hi CRNDLSM,

guitar part one for me (though the second one works if you're going for the comedy/light version.)
Very interesting! I thought the lyrics themselves were too country for it, 

The lyrics could still do with a bit of polishing, but the one thing that let's it down, for me, is 'nitty, gritty ditty' - it feels like you/it has moved beyond that.
I'm workshopping it with a band mate, what if I just cut the word 'ditty' cause nitty and gritty go together and I have all those other iddy rhymes, 

Let it all out in the nitty,(space) gritty 

Best, Knot.

[Knot]

what if I just cut the word 'ditty' cause nitty and gritty go together and I have all those other iddy rhymes,
Could do, but I though you were on to something in version one (around the 2:10 mark) with 'pity'  - maybe
but don't go thinking I am looking for pity
?

You might give some thought to cutting the 'back to school' verse entirely. 'Slutty' hits a wrong note, for me, but more importantly, it doesn't seem to make much sense narratively.  Not just in the overall arc, but how does what she is doing connect to N in that verse?

Start with 'The love of my life left me for the city' (sonically it's much stronger and the alliteration adds a nice kick to your rhythm. I think the advantage v1 gives you over v2 is it allows for more expressiveness in your playing. Hit down hard on love/life/left - they're all on the beat.)

Best, Knot.

[CRNDLSM]

Val had a good point with 'my baby' too

...
I find the fields to let my wheels get muddy
Sitting round the fire sippin beer with my buddies
Plenty of girls here to turn me to putty
Ever wanting to leave would be nutty
...

[Knot]

That's a better verse - might be worth looking at alternating verses, what she's doing then what N's doing (it's halfway there already.)

Best, Knot

[CRNDLSM]

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