A Tale of Five Piggies

[Tiger the Lion]

My first run at this posted in fun because it's for a "fun" project. Would like some help with it though. Got as much down as I could before I lost the whole train of thought. Nursery rhymes are wonderfully compact. 

A Tale of Five Piggies
 
The first goes to market
dressed like a buyer
and is bid on, 
bought 
and butchered
before noon.
 
The second stays home
till we fatten her up.
 
The next is a porky, 
parody of a pig 
and has roast beef
with fatty drippings
over Yorkshires 
and mash
in hopes of filling
his missing brother’s 
part of the pen.
 
The fourth will have none of it;
fat bastard needs to be trim
before Sunday.
 
The last little piggy
though plump in her pics,
was nothing 
a keen-eyed 
butcher would buy.

She wee-wee’d her way 
all the way home
to an empty pantry
and a table set
by hungry mouths.

[Knot]

Hi Tiger,
really like the idea, but I'm not sure just what Tale it is you're trying to tell.


The first goes to market
dressed like a buyer
and is bid on,
bought
and butchered
before noon. ...................... really wanted this to rhyme, but if not, then maybe a sligtly differet layout?

I get lost on just what the relationship is betwen the speaker and the piggies.

The second stays home
till we fatten her up. ......... don't think starting with 'the second' works (and where's the rest of the verse?)

The next is a porky,
parody of a pig
and has roast beef
with fatty drippings
over Yorkshires
and mash
in hopes of filling
his missing brother’s
part of the pen. .......... thought parody was going towards vegetarian. Hints of rap?

he has roast beef
dripping with beef dripping
dripping over Yorkshire pudding
watch theholes filling
up in the hope of filling
...

('pen' doesn't make much sense to me here.)

The fourth will have none of it;
fat bastard needs to be trim
before Sunday. .................... don't get 'trim'.

The last little piggy
though plump in her pics,
was nothing
a keen-eyed
butcher would buy. ............ feels like what the pigs are doing/for changes here.

She wee-wee’d her way
all the way home
to an empty pantry
and a table set
by hungry mouths. ......... any way to reverse the order of this verse? End with the nursery rhyme lines?


Best, Knot


.

[Valerie Please]

I hate to be agreeable, but I agree with Knot and I don't really get what we're driving at, except that pigs get bought and eaten. 

I'm wondering if it would be stronger if you did play more with the original . . . you mentioned that nursery rhymes are compact, but this is not compact.  

A Tale of Five Piggies
 
The first goes to market
dressed like a buyer
and is bid on, 
bought 
and butchered
before noon.

(So ok there's a role reversal, he goes in like a player, comes out dinner . . .To play with the original, could you say "This little pig went to market like a player and came out butchered before noon." I know "player" sounds American and God knows I wouldn't want you to do that. But it drives the point home without fussing around).
 
The second stays home
till we fatten her up.

(Now I feel like there isn't enough here. What about "this skinny piggy stays home til we fill out her pork chops" or something like that. A little color but still direct.)
 
The next is a porky, 
parody of a pig 
and has roast beef
with fatty drippings
over Yorkshires 
and mash
in hopes of filling
his missing brother’s 
part of the pen.

(Ok . . . so I guess he eats his feelings? He misses his brother and he eats his feelings? Why is he a parody? Is it because he eats his feelings? So maybe something like "This little piggy eats his feelings so he had roast beef and fatty drippings over Yorkshires while sobbing over his brother's empty pen." This would make it the longest stanza, but it makes it count because then the long list of food is funnier.)
 
The fourth will have none of it;
fat bastard needs to be trim
before Sunday.
 
(Why does he need to be trim by Sunday? Is he like the Sporty Spice of the piggy lineup? See, I can do British references. "This bastard piggy is ready to smash the parkrun" or idk, because I'm just guessing about what his motivation is. If he wants to escape, maybe "This bastard piggy passes the potatoes and preps to run."

The last little piggy
though plump in her pics,
was nothing 
a keen-eyed 
butcher would buy.

(Oh Jesus..."And THIS little piggy was trying to catfish some market love but the butchers saw through her skinny shabby game." Now I'm just translating it into Americanese. Fuck.) 

She wee-wee’d her way 
all the way home
to an empty pantry
and a table set
by hungry mouths.

(I really like this "table set by hungry mouths" line. Don't change that.)

(I doubt this helped, but I hope I made you laugh. I'll post something and you can rip it up. )

xo,
Val

[/quote]

[busker]

My first run at this posted in fun because it's for a "fun" project. Would like some help with it though. Got as much down as I could before I lost the whole train of thought. Nursery rhymes are wonderfully compact. 

A Tale of Five Piggies
 
The first goes to market
dressed like a buyer
and is bid on, 
bought 
and butchered
before noon.
 
The second stays home
till we fatten her up.
 
The next is a porky, 
parody of a pig 
and has roast beef
with fatty drippings
over Yorkshires 
and mash
in hopes of filling
his missing brother’s 
part of the pen.
 
The fourth will have none of it;
fat bastard needs to be trim
before Sunday.
 
The last little piggy
though plump in her pics,
was nothing 
a keen-eyed 
butcher would buy.

She wee-wee’d her way 
all the way home
to an empty pantry
and a table set
by hungry mouths.

Beautiful 

I see in it references to particular socks and trolls that infest this forum, but the theme embraces the general topic of trollery in a connected world, thus making it catholic

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks everyone for the comments so far. I generally don't use spoilers but in this case I'm working with a deadline. (fun project or no) Below was the best answer I could find about possible origins of This Little Piggy. I used it as a framework.



The first known full version of “This Little Piggy” was recorded in The Famous Tommy Thumb's Little Story-Book, published in London about 1760. It is ostensibly about playing with toes, but can also be a caricature description of marketplace pigs’ lives:

This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed home
This little piggy got roast beef
This little piggy had none
And this little piggy cried
“Wee, wee, wee!” all the way home

Line by line:
This little piggy went to market
When a pig goes to market, it is not to buy something, it is to be slaughtered and sold in the meat section.
This little piggy stayed home
Not all pigs are ready for market every week, so the majority of course stay home.
This little piggy had roast beef
Pigs are omnivorous, so when you fatten them up for market, you can feed them scraps off the table, and might save the fat and gristle from your roast beef to help them achieve weight and desired fattiness.
This little piggy had none
But before market, pigs are not fed, so that cleaning the guts is facilitated.
And this little piggy cried “Wee wee wee!” all the way home
Some pigs offered to market are not sold, and whether they realize their good luck or not, they come back home alive and squealing.
A domestic pig’s life was short back then, as it is now.

[Valerie Please]

I had no idea what the nursery rhyme was referring to, as I am not an expert on 18th century market practices…is your reader going to know that context? 

Also, to Busker, I know you think I’m Shem the Penman’s sock, which is kind of a compliment, since he’s a much better poet than I am. I’m a better human being, but he’s the better poet.

Xo,
Val

1725839353[/url]']
Thanks everyone for the comments so far. I generally don't use spoilers but in this case I'm working with a deadline. (fun project or no) Below was the best answer I could find about possible origins of This Little Piggy. I used it as a framework.



The first known full version of “This Little Piggy” was recorded in The Famous Tommy Thumb's Little Story-Book, published in London about 1760. It is ostensibly about playing with toes, but can also be a caricature description of marketplace pigs’ lives:

This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed home
This little piggy got roast beef
This little piggy had none
And this little piggy cried
“Wee, wee, wee!” all the way home

Line by line:
This little piggy went to market
When a pig goes to market, it is not to buy something, it is to be slaughtered and sold in the meat section.
This little piggy stayed home
Not all pigs are ready for market every week, so the majority of course stay home.
This little piggy had roast beef
Pigs are omnivorous, so when you fatten them up for market, you can feed them scraps off the table, and might save the fat and gristle from your roast beef to help them achieve weight and desired fattiness.
This little piggy had none
But before market, pigs are not fed, so that cleaning the guts is facilitated.
And this little piggy cried “Wee wee wee!” all the way home
Some pigs offered to market are not sold, and whether they realize their good luck or not, they come back home alive and squealing.
A domestic pig’s life was short back then, as it is now.

[busker]

I had no idea what the nursery rhyme was referring to, as I am not an expert on 18th century market practices…is your reader going to know that context? 

Also, to Busker, I know you think I’m Shem the Penman’s sock, which is kind of a compliment, since he’s a much better poet than I am. I’m a better human being, but he’s the better poet.

Xo,
Val

Don't really care, 'Valerie Please'. 
'Shem' was / is a good poet. So are many others.

I liked 'your' latest poem and have no problem admitting it.

---

I bet 'Shem' will have a half dozen other socks. She’s welcome to use them whilst behaving like a normal person.

[Valerie Please]

If you don’t care, why be rude to me? I certainly didn’t start anything with you.
Maybe next time, you could be so kind to save your grudges and sideways accusations for the PMs. It’s taking focus off the poem. 

I’m going to repeat the last relevant question that pertains to the *actual* thread:

Will the reader know all the context about the rhyme that the poem refers to?

1725846325[/url]']

1725843091[/url]']
I had no idea what the nursery rhyme was referring to, as I am not an expert on 18th century market practices…is your reader going to know that context? 

Also, to Busker, I know you think I’m Shem the Penman’s sock, which is kind of a compliment, since he’s a much better poet than I am. I’m a better human being, but he’s the better poet.

Xo,
Val

Don't really care, 'Valerie Please'. 
'Shem' was / is a good poet. So are many others.

I liked 'your' latest poem and have no problem admitting it.

---

I bet 'Shem' will have a half dozen other socks. She’s welcome to use them whilst behaving like a normal person.

[busker]

If you don’t care, why be rude to me? I certainly didn’t start anything with you.
Maybe next time, you could be so kind to save your grudges and sideways accusations for the PMs. It’s taking focus off the poem. 

I’m going to repeat the last relevant question that pertains to the *actual* thread:

Will the reader know all the context about the rhyme that the poem refers to?

1725846325[/url]']

1725843091[/url]']
I had no idea what the nursery rhyme was referring to, as I am not an expert on 18th century market practices…is your reader going to know that context? 

Also, to Busker, I know you think I’m Shem the Penman’s sock, which is kind of a compliment, since he’s a much better poet than I am. I’m a better human being, but he’s the better poet.

Xo,
Val

Don't really care, 'Valerie Please'. 
'Shem' was / is a good poet. So are many others.

I liked 'your' latest poem and have no problem admitting it.

---

I bet 'Shem' will have a half dozen other socks. She’s welcome to use them whilst behaving like a normal person.

Then let’s not get sidetracked about who I think is or is not ‘Shem’.
I agree that we should focus on the poetry

[Valerie Please]

I'm sorry about that, TtL.

In addition to the last relevant question which is:

Will your reader or audience know the context of the poem?

I was wondering if there's a riff on the idea of the last meal that you could do for the fourth pig. Like, "dead pig walking, starving for his last meal." Something that references the idea of getting nothing for his last meal, since it's a contradiction and plays into the idea of him being condemned to die.

xo,
Val

Thanks everyone for the comments so far. I generally don't use spoilers but in this case I'm working with a deadline. (fun project or no) Below was the best answer I could find about possible origins of This Little Piggy. I used it as a framework.



The first known full version of “This Little Piggy” was recorded in The Famous Tommy Thumb's Little Story-Book, published in London about 1760. It is ostensibly about playing with toes, but can also be a caricature description of marketplace pigs’ lives:

This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed home
This little piggy got roast beef
This little piggy had none
And this little piggy cried
“Wee, wee, wee!” all the way home

Line by line:
This little piggy went to market
When a pig goes to market, it is not to buy something, it is to be slaughtered and sold in the meat section.
This little piggy stayed home
Not all pigs are ready for market every week, so the majority of course stay home.
This little piggy had roast beef
Pigs are omnivorous, so when you fatten them up for market, you can feed them scraps off the table, and might save the fat and gristle from your roast beef to help them achieve weight and desired fattiness.
This little piggy had none
But before market, pigs are not fed, so that cleaning the guts is facilitated.
And this little piggy cried “Wee wee wee!” all the way home
Some pigs offered to market are not sold, and whether they realize their good luck or not, they come back home alive and squealing.
A domestic pig’s life was short back then, as it is now.

[Knot]

Hi Tiger.
Just to say, I agree with Valerie about context (and also about 'player' in S1 - I chickened out of mentioning that.) Given how divorced a lot of people are from farming/food production who's going to recognise this? If you're going to revisit I think you need to take your audience into account (and with you on the journey.)

Wondered why one of the pigs is female, wouldn't they be kept for breeding?

You call it 'A Tale of' but this is just reworking the version you cite, so isn't it 'The Tale of'?

Still think you need to rhyme, or strongly meter.


Best, Knot

.

[Valerie Please]

Thanks, Knot!

I still think there’s a good idea here. Because they’re making slaughter a game that they play with children. There’s the tension. So maybe you do it so that you reference that. “Your little big toe is the pig that went to market and came out a ham” or something….”the next toe’s the pig left at home…then you had the pig they fed [insert overstated list of food]”

You could end it “weee-wee-wee, isn’t slaughter fun?”

Xo,

Val

1725884346[/url]']
Hi Tiger.
Just to say, I agree with Valerie about context (and also about 'player' in S1 - I chickened out of mentioning that.) Given how divorced a lot of people are from farming/food production who's going to recognise this? If you're going to revisit I think you need to take your audience into account (and with you on the journey.)

Wondered why one of the pigs is female, wouldn't they be kept for breeding?

You call it 'A Tale of' but this is just reworking the version you site, so isn't it 'The Tale of'?

Still think you need to rhyme, or strongly meter.


Best, Knot

.

[Tiger the Lion]

All great input guys. Thank you.