The Invention of Cool

[Mark A Becker]

The Invention of Cool

Walter loads up the water balloons
while Lou cheers more! more! more!

all around the neighborhood
more kids now rush outdoors

Kate's got ice cold lemonade
there's green relief of shade

Joe's garden hose sprays rainbows
as the sidewalk sizzles toes

Green Hill becomes a water slide
Jenny jumps in for a ride

it's amazing muddy fun
laughing at the blazing sun

while all along Hill Hollow Road
cold water balloons explode

[armadillosarecool]

Hi Mark,

This is really well done. The poem feels comfortable with itself and the rhyme scheme doesn't feel forced.

"Joe's garden hose sprays rainbows" that line rocks, love the internal rhyme.

"it's amazing muddy fun
laughing at the blazing sun" that's some great assonance with "amazing" and "blazing"

Just good vibes all around in here.

one note, "there's green relief of shade" kind of throws off the flow when I read it aloud, it might be worth it to restructure that line.



aac

[Mark A Becker]

Hi Mark,

This is really well done. The poem feels comfortable with itself and the rhyme scheme doesn't feel forced.
"Joe's garden hose sprays rainbows" that line rocks, love the internal rhyme.
"it's amazing muddy fun
laughing at the blazing sun" that's some great assonance with "amazing" and "blazing"
Just good vibes all around in here.
one note, "there's green relief of shade" kind of throws off the flow when I read it aloud, it might be worth it to restructure that line.

aac

Thanks double a, and welcome to the pen.
Mark