Ashes

[Bunx]

Ashes

Ashes of a church,
Top scared Native graves bones
I hope flowers bloom.

[TranquillityBase]

Ashes

Ashes of a church,
Top Native graves ashes
I hope flowers bloom.

Hi Bunx,

This is haunting but I'm having trouble with that second line.  Do you mean

Ashes of a church 
on top of native graves (ashes)   (don't think you need the second "ashes")
I hope flowers bloom.

TqB

[Bunx]

Hey Tranq!
I'm trying out "ghosts" to break up the repetition,
let me know what you think, thanks for the read

[TranquillityBase]

Ashes

Ashes of a church,
Top scarid Native graves ghosts
I hope flowers bloom.

how about

Ashes of a church,
atop sacred Native grave ghosts  (assumed you "meant sacred") 
I hope flowers bloom.

TqB

[CircleWalker]

Ashes

Ashes of a church,
Top scarid Native graves ghosts
I hope flowers bloom.

I agree with Tranq, this is haunting on some level or levels.

I do find the 2nd line awkward. Perhaps ...

"Top sacred Native bones" or "Atop sacred Native bones" or "Atop sacred burial grounds"

Pondering on this, I don't see how ghosts can be sacred. Graves, yes, ghosts no. Maybe that's just me.

3rd line for your consideration ...

"Hoping wild flowers bloom."

Lastly, I will share the story that I get from this.

A church has burned to the ground. Perhaps on purpose, because it was built on a Native American burial site. And the one who set the fire is pondering on what is next for this land. Hoping flowers will bloom. Hoping something beautiful can follow two levels of "wrong".

While the "story" is troubling on multiple levels, that's OK, and I shall not comment on those levels.

Additional thought popped into my head. If there are in fact Native "ashes", perhaps they will "one day" mingle or blend with the ashes of the church. Just a random thought that came to mind.

In general, I found the tone (?) of it grabbed my attention, which is pretty amazing to me with a 3 line poem.

Hope I haven't gone overboard here, since this is actually the miscellaneous forum. Apologies if I have.

[Bunx]

CircleWalker- You're totally good and this poem was inspired by the town I live in (Missoula MT). The Rattlesnake area of town is sacred to indigenous folks. Though the burnt church is fictitious there are schools / homes built on-top of indigenous burial sites. The aim to highlight the nature of colonialism and the space in-between western religion and indigenous spirituality.

There are even stories of haunted homes ect...

I feel like spirits (though it breaks like 5 / 7 / 5 haiku format) would have been a great word to use, since some indigenous hold ancestral spirits in high regard. Settling for "ghosts" is pretty a western word, so I'm glad you brought it up. Thanks aton for the ideas an feedback

[CircleWalker]

1714362252[/url]']
CircleWalker- You're totally good and this poem was inspired by the town I live in (Missoula MT). The Rattlesnake area of town is sacred to indigenous folks. Though the burnt church is fictitious there are schools / homes built on-top of indigenous burial sites. The aim to highlight the nature of colonialism and the space in-between western religion and indigenous spirituality.

There are even stories of haunted homes ect...

I feel like spirits (though it breaks like 5 / 7 / 5 haiku format) would have been a great word to use, since some indigenous hold ancestral spirits in high regard. Settling for "ghosts" is pretty a western word, so I'm glad you brought it up. Thanks aton for the ideas an feedback

You’re welcome. Thanks for sharing where the inspiration came from.

[Bunx]

Yo Circlewalker,
I'd love to hear you're thoughts about why my poem was troubling?
I'm curious we might both learn something.
Send me DM on here if you want

[Bunx]

Ashes of a Church = Nature of capitalisms / gentrification / imminent domain
for the record, I'm not for burning churches out here lmao

[CircleWalker]

Yo Circlewalker,
I'd love to hear you're thoughts about why my poem was troubling?
I'm curious we might both learn something.
Send me DM on here if you want

Bunx,

Sorry to take so long to respond. I've had internet issues over the last week or so.

I'm going to try to be brief in my response, and hope that I stay within the rules of this forum in doing so.

As I said above, my mind took your 3 line poem and created a story. In this story, a church was built over Native American graves. This may or may not have been known at the time. Then, in my story, someone who was upset about this "disrespect" burned the church to the ground. Nothing was left but ashes. Then, this person stood over the ashes ... pondered on all this and its complexity (knowing that what they did was also wrong), and hoped that flowers would bloom on this site and bring some beauty to this land. This land with its complicated and troubled history.

When I say that the story (poem and my interpretation of it) is troubling on multiple levels, I'm simply saying that it is troubling when something is built on top of graves, and it was troubling that someone burnt the church to the ground in anger/response to this perceived disrespect. Again, this is from my interpretation of your poem. IMO, there are often no easy answers to some of these real-life situations. I am usually hesitant to judge the actions of others from the past based upon today's morality. We often judge others as if economic realities don't matter. Especially if graves are unmarked and there are no descendants involved or aware and no documents or known identifiers, etc. With all of that said, I certainly would be upset if I bought land with graves underneath (and not because I saw the movie Poltergeist). Additionally, I would be upset if I knew that I had ancestors whose remains had been disrespected. It can be complicated, and sometimes people do behave wrongly and unethically. Secondly, it would certainly be troubling if someone burnt down a church over this type of issue out of anger, although I could understand why there would be some anger. However, that would not justify that type of action IMO. Again, a complicated and emotional issue certainly for all involved. Thanks for asking. That's really all that I have to say on it, and I hope that I have not overstepped the rules/guidelines of this forum. Blessings

[Bunx]

Circle this is amazing feedback
Thanks for sharing you're thoughts
I definitely respect them