A Means To An End

[Michaelpoet]

Chimes of your heartbeat ring in my ears.
When sensation evades the disabled the night never seems to end.
I am the seducer of truth.
What truth can be found in the primitive emotion belonging to the betrayed?
If the winter brings relief from a summer of pain then I shall look on the snow as a friend.
What of a love created out of obligation?
My loneliness is eclipsed only by my need for connection to a love that is unattainable.

[CRNDLSM]

I like the sound of the words, but I get too distracted by the sounds to put together the meanings. Each sentence makes sense, but by the time I put all the sentences together I suddenly am lost, and don't really know what I just read, the sounds are almost too similar to distinguish and I have a sketchy blurry image. Does that make sense? Since I can't get it I want to move on and forget it. I came back because I want to get it.

[Michaelpoet]

I am very new to writing which is why I still have a lot of work to do. Some of my writing is meant to be confusing as life does not always make sense. As in life sometimes things don't always have a definitive meaning.

[CRNDLSM]

What kind of work are you trying to do? Is this a part of a greater work? I don't quite believe youre very new to writing, if it is a novel hobby

[Michaelpoet]

I just like writing. It's just a stand alone poem about people and the inability to conquer the human condition.

[CRNDLSM]

Chimes of your heartbeat ring in my ears.
I'm hearing chimes, a heartbeat, and ringing, like I'm alert and nostalgic, happy and annoyed at the same time, people have lots of emotions yes, very much human condition. I can't avoid it.


When sensation evades the disabled the night never seems to end.
Now I'm disabled, but also not disabled, thinking about all the different ways of being disabled.  My mind is disabled by the chimes in my ears, but what sensation is evading? Not the chiming, the night never seems to end means it keeps me up at night, the sensation evading me is keeping me up, the sensation that isn't the chiming.

I am the seducer of truth.
What truth am I seducing by staying awake all night with chimes of a sensations evasion?  I want the truth of the sensation evading me, I'm hardly seducing it.

What truth can be found in the primitive emotion belonging to the betrayed?
Ok the betrayed, big clue, me or you, primitive emotion, i wonder which if the 4 main ones i felt earlier it could be if any.  This is the truth i want to seduce.

If the winter brings relief from a summer of pain then I shall look on the snow as a friend.
I feel like winter is another kind of pain, autumn might be relief honestly.  But i dont get it.  Maybe the summer pain is the betrayal. If i see the seasonal characteristic as a friend then i must have been the betrayed one. 


What of a love created out of obligation?
If this is about the me and you, and I was betrayed, the obligation must have been theirs? Because if they were obligated, then didn't, then that would be betrayal?

My loneliness is eclipsed only by my need for connection to a love that is unattainable.
Would eclipsed be overshadowed? Need to connect to what is unconnectable. Unattainable, I can't have it, I can have obligated love? Seducer of truth, WHAT IS THE LOVE? 

I think your last sentence and the snow sentence tell the most about the poem, but also make it the least poem like.  Not that poemness is a thing.  I'm highly encouraging you to keep writing 

---

Then I realized I didn't tie this to the title, I don't understand unless this poem was just a means (writing) to an end (thoughts).

[Michaelpoet]

Thank you. I'm trying to get better at poetry, but it's a process. I've got to work on trying to make things make more sense.

[CRNDLSM]

Good, I deleted a lot of your attempts at adding critique here, it's harder to critique than to write poetry, your poetry will improve if you fix your critiques. They go hand in hand, just saying, we take it seriously

[Bunx]

Got to say a lot of these ideas are beyond interesting to me.
I feel like there are full poem ideas based off many
Of your stanzas.

Just a silly idea but!

Maybe write a different poem for each idea you could elaborate on like a series based off of the original sentiment.

Anyways keep writing love the tone I hear when I read this

[Mark A Becker]

Hey MichaelP-

Some phrases that I found interesting:

Chimes of your heartbeat

seducer of truth

look on the snow as a friend

Leave out the play for sympathy at the end and you may be on to something.
Mark