The Fabulist (edit 3)

[TranquillityBase]

The Fabulist

The fabulist wears a mask
ragged with laughter
but if you listen to his eyes
they tell you he's not joking.

His jack-in-the-knife fable          
turns in a groove of lies
where lunacy and rhyme
lay the heretics in a row.

For the scarecrow believers 
his words fill the sky.
They hang on his periods
wander the pauses in his breath.

Between the fabulist’s wrist
and his unspoken name
worlds are made and unmade
cutting across unready nerves
burning cities in your brain.

The Fabulist

The fabulist wears a mask,
laughs easily, but his eyes
tell you he’s not joking.

His jack-in-the-knife fables          
turn in a groove of lies
where lunacy and rhyme
lay the heretics in a row.

For the scarecrow believers 
his words fill the sky.
They hang on his periods
wander the pauses in his breath
until his kingdom is come.

Between the fabulist’s wrist
and his unspoken name
worlds are made and unmade
cutting across unready nerves
burning cities in your brain.




Poem for Philip

The fabulist wears a mask,
laughs easily, but his eyes
tell you he’s not joking.

When the fix is in, look
beyond the tricks of his eyes
where lunacy and rhyme
lay the suicides in a row.

Between the fabulist’s wrist
and his unspoken name
worlds are made and unmade
across fields of unready nerves
forming cities in your brain.

[Wjames]

Poem for Philip

The fabulist wears a mask,
laughs easily, but his eyes
tell you he’s not joking. I was going to say "are" would be more concise than "tell you he's" and it is, but "tell you he's" is probably better because there's more of a picture of enjoying someone's company for a while, only to look in their eyes and see something else.

When the fix is in, look
beyond the tricks of his eyes 
where lunacy and rhyme 
lay the suicides in a row. I like that lunacy and rhyme could be either beyond the tricks of his eyes, or the tricks off his eyes could be where lunacy and rhyme lay the suicides in a row (or both).

Between the fabulist’s wrist 
and his unspoken name 
worlds are made and unmade
across fields of unready nerves
forming cities in your brain. I am picturing someone's name at the top (or bottom) of a page, and them writing and re-writing something (probably a lettter based on the synopsis I read). The last two lines are nice, this writing is where lunacy and rhyme lay the suicides in a row above?

Philip is Philip Casey? I was doing some googling, and I read his poem Daily Bread - it was very good, I hadn't heard of him before. My thoughts are those of someone unfamiliar with his work, outside of also seeing he wrote a novel called The Fabulists and reading a synopsis.

[dukealien]

Poem for Philip

The fabulist wears a mask,
laughs easily, but his eyes
tell you he’s not joking.

When the fix is in, look
beyond the tricks of his eyes
where lunacy and rhyme
lay the suicides in a row.

Between the fabulist’s wrist
and his unspoken name
worlds are made and unmade
across fields of unready nerves
forming cities in your brain.

My first impression connected this with Chandler's Philip Marlowe, reinforced by "Black Mask" mystery magazine (Hammet's Continental Op, though, was the nameless one).  In that spirit...

First stanza:  excellent,  the fabulist's eyes are what the reader gets behind and inside.  There may be jokes and small talk, but at every level (from making a buck [off you] by selling his story to the grim making-you-believe of make-believe, he is serious indeed.

Second stanza:  I had a little trouble with that phrase, "the fix is in."  To me, it refers to a corrupt verdict or determination - the judge or referee is bought,  what seems unknown or yet to be resolved is in fact predetermined.  (OK, that actually works for a mystery writer/teller who has actually written the last page before you turn the first.)  The tricks of eyes, again, making the reader see imaginary/imagined views.  "Laying the suicides in a row" is, in that context, very neat:  the writer conjures you (the reader) to breathe life into the characters, make them part of your consciousness... then murder them - now a part of you - on command.

Third stanza:  the unspoken name is a nice touch.  Even written in first-person (like Marlowe) the writer is the nameless source behind everything that seems to happen.  Also touches on the surprise in each turned page or digested word, and again, those myriads created in the theater-city of the reader's mind.

Okay, that's my impression.  Likely wrong... but how can it be improved and amplified?

The speaker in the poem is, ultimately, warning the reader of the fabulist's story about what is being perpetrated on him.  There is no admiration of the fabulist's craft... could that be added?  Or could the speaker strengthen the warning tone, perhaps alluding to all those suicided characters as if they were not merely resident, but working to alter the reader's mind?  To, in fact, *change* the reader's mind while its disbelief is artfully suspended?  A brain hack.

Of course if this refers to fabulists who create unreal worlds purporting to represent reality - dishonest reporters, for example , or politicians and their handlers devising slogans - that could be made more distinct.

Marlowe himself (if an imaginary character has a self) was always very self-conscious.  He'd likely appreciate the poem, wherever he is.

The other use of "the fix is in" that comes to mind was in M*A*S*H the novel (don't remember if it was in the movie):  when a wounded soldier on the operating table looked like he wasn't going to make it, the priest administered extreme unction as a sort of precaution.  The surgeons found, or claimed to find, that patients so treated always recovered.  So they joked that once the padre had done his bit "the fix is in."

[busker]

Poem for Philip

The fabulist wears a mask,
laughs easily, but his eyes
tell you he’s not joking. .....like WJ, I think 'are' is better here. Only marginally. 

When the fix is in, look
beyond the tricks of his eyes
where lunacy and rhyme
lay the suicides in a row.  .... I am a bit lost with the lunacy, rhyme, and suicides. I take it that there's a reference to some teller of tales, but because I can't place him I feel like I'm not getting a bunch of inside references

Between the fabulist’s wrist
and his unspoken name  ..... did he write under an alias? hmmmmm
worlds are made and unmade
across fields of unready nerves
forming cities in your brain.  .....these last two lines are gorgeous on their own

would've enjoyed it more if I had a better idea about which Philip was being referenced here

[rowens]

That's why it pays to read the liner notes and the autobiographical writings.



The following is a display of some mannerisms of style. Take andor leave. 



The fabulist wears a mask,
laughs easily, but his eyes
tell you he’s not joking.

When the fix is in, look
beyond the tricks of his eyes
 - where lunacy and rhyme -
lay the suicides in a row.

Between the fabulist’s wrist
and his unspoken name
worlds are made and unmade
across fields of unready nerves
forming cities in my brain.


Those are some tricks to toy with, make some adjustments of what you too can or could adjust.

[TranquillityBase]

Philip is Philip Casey? I was doing some googling, and I read his poem Daily Bread - it was very good, I hadn't heard of him before. My thoughts are those of someone unfamiliar with his work, outside of also seeing he wrote a novel called The Fabulists and reading a synopsis.

Wjames,

Thanks for your notes.  The identity of Philip seems to be more important than I thought, based on your and others' comments, so that may be something I need to work into the poem.  So I'll leave it a mystery for now.  It isn't Philip Casey, though oddly, they have the same birth and death dates.

TqB

---

My first impression connected this with Chandler's Philip Marlowe, reinforced by "Black Mask" mystery magazine (Hammet's Continental Op, though, was the nameless one).  In that spirit...

First stanza:  excellent,  the fabulist's eyes are what the reader gets behind and inside.  There may be jokes and small talk, but at every level (from making a buck [off you] by selling his story to the grim making-you-believe of make-believe, he is serious indeed.

Second stanza:  I had a little trouble with that phrase, "the fix is in."  To me, it refers to a corrupt verdict or determination - the judge or referee is bought,  what seems unknown or yet to be resolved is in fact predetermined.  (OK, that actually works for a mystery writer/teller who has actually written the last page before you turn the first.)  The tricks of eyes, again, making the reader see imaginary/imagined views.  "Laying the suicides in a row" is, in that context, very neat:  the writer conjures you (the reader) to breathe life into the characters, make them part of your consciousness... then murder them - now a part of you - on command.

Third stanza:  the unspoken name is a nice touch.  Even written in first-person (like Marlowe) the writer is the nameless source behind everything that seems to happen.  Also touches on the surprise in each turned page or digested word, and again, those myriads created in the theater-city of the reader's mind.

Okay, that's my impression.  Likely wrong... but how can it be improved and amplified?

The speaker in the poem is, ultimately, warning the reader of the fabulist's story about what is being perpetrated on him.  There is no admiration of the fabulist's craft... could that be added?  Or could the speaker strengthen the warning tone, perhaps alluding to all those suicided characters as if they were not merely resident, but working to alter the reader's mind?  To, in fact, *change* the reader's mind while its disbelief is artfully suspended?  A brain hack.

Of course if this refers to fabulists who create unreal worlds purporting to represent reality - dishonest reporters, for example , or politicians and their handlers devising slogans - that could be made more distinct.

Marlowe himself (if an imaginary character has a self) was always very self-conscious.  He'd likely appreciate the poem, wherever he is.

The other use of "the fix is in" that comes to mind was in M*A*S*H the novel (don't remember if it was in the movie):  when a wounded soldier on the operating table looked like he wasn't going to make it, the priest administered extreme unction as a sort of precaution.  The surgeons found, or claimed to find, that patients so treated always recovered.  So they joked that once the padre had done his bit "the fix is in."

Thanks Duke for the extensive reading.  I was wondering how "the fix is in" would play (or not) in the context of the poem, and I've decided it doesn't, so I'm going to work on that.  The bolded notes above are particularly helpful.  I felt like something was lacking but could not discern it and I think you've hit on at least one important aspect of that lack. 

Enjoyed the MASH anecdote

TqB

---

Poem for Philip

The fabulist wears a mask,
laughs easily, but his eyes
tell you he’s not joking. .....like WJ, I think 'are' is better here. Only marginally. 

When the fix is in, look
beyond the tricks of his eyes
where lunacy and rhyme
lay the suicides in a row.  .... I am a bit lost with the lunacy, rhyme, and suicides. I take it that there's a reference to some teller of tales, but because I can't place him I feel like I'm not getting a bunch of inside references   

Between the fabulist’s wrist
and his unspoken name  ..... did he write under an alias? hmmmmm
worlds are made and unmade
across fields of unready nerves
forming cities in your brain.  .....these last two lines are gorgeous on their own

would've enjoyed it more if I had a better idea about which Philip was being referenced here

Thanks for the reading Busker.  I'll be working on that second stanza.  No inside references that I'm conscious of, but I think I need to justify, somehow, "the suicides" for clarity (my own and the reader's).

---

That's why it pays to read the liner notes and the autobiographical writings.



The following is a display of some mannerisms of style. Take andor leave. 



The fabulist wears a mask,
laughs easily, but his eyes
tell you he’s not joking.

When the fix is in, look
beyond the tricks of his eyes
 - where lunacy and rhyme -
lay the suicides in a row.

Between the fabulist’s wrist
and his unspoken name
worlds are made and unmade
across fields of unready nerves
forming cities in my brain.


Those are some tricks to toy with, make some adjustments of what you too can or could adjust.

Thanks Rowens and good to see you back.

[Wjames]

Philip is Philip Casey? I was doing some googling, and I read his poem Daily Bread - it was very good, I hadn't heard of him before. My thoughts are those of someone unfamiliar with his work, outside of also seeing he wrote a novel called The Fabulists and reading a synopsis.

Wjames,

Thanks for your notes.  The identity of Philip seems to be more important than I thought, based on your and others' comments, so that may be something I need to work into the poem.  So I'll leave it a mystery for now.  It isn't Philip Casey, though oddly, they have the same birth and death dates.

TqB

When there's a mystery, people will try and solve it - the title creates mystery, who is Philip? 

Especially when the heart of the poem is not so obvious, which I like.

I like mystery, but if you are trying to say something specific in the poem, it may not serve that purpose.

I think that mystery can be an ally of feeling, but it is an enemy of meaning. Feeling is more important than meaning to me in any case.

Meaning is often times redundant - I don't really care who it is about or why the author wrote it, I care how it makes me feel, the mystery can let the reader imagine multiple different scenarios about who it's about or why - which can add to the work.

If I don't specifically know what a poem is about after reading it, but I liked reading it, I usually think that's a good thing - it makes you want to read it again.

To sum up, I don't think you do need to work it in to the poem - but I felt it was hard to offer thoughts on the poem if it was about something specific that I should have some knowledge of in order to understand the meaning.

[TranquillityBase]

I've wrestled with this one quite a bit.  I decided to change the title, to elimiinate the wondering about who Philip is.  He was a friend for forty years and something of a fabulist himself, though he had pretty much one subject, and that was the imminent end of the world.  But he introduced me to all sorts of new ideas, books, films, and ways of looking at things.  He never converted me, but he sure tried. 

So it was "for" him in the sense of a dedication.  And partly, I guess, about him.

[Knot]

Hi TqB
enjoyed the read,

The fabulist wears a mask
of _________, laughs easily
but if you listen to his eyes
they tell you he's not joking.

but was left wondering if the piece might be more effective if it explored the (specific) relationship between the 'fabulist' and the author. It feels a bit abstract, I kept wanting a ... 'Your jack-in-the-knife fables ...' (great phrase by the way) or a 'for us scarecrow believers ...'


Best, Knot.

[TranquillityBase]

Hi TqB
enjoyed the read,

The fabulist wears a mask
of _________, laughs easily
but if you listen to his eyes
they tell you he's not joking.

but was left wondering if the piece might be more effective if it explored the (specific) relationship between the 'fabulist' and the author. It feels a bit abstract, I kept wanting a ... 'Your jack-in-the-knife fables ...' (great phrase by the way) or a 'for us scarecrow believers ...'


Best, Knot.

Thanks Knot.  Really like your bolded suggestion.  Now I will wrestle with that mask.

TqB

[Knot]

Hi TqB,
some ... hmm, no idea what wrestlers use ... oil? ... thing for your exertions.


The fabulist wears a mask
of laughter.


Best, Knot.

[Michaelpoet]

I like your ability to allow us to see through the eyes of the character.

[Quixilated]

I like your ability to allow us to see through the eyes of the character.

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[TranquillityBase]

Edit 3 (The Knot Variation) new first stanza


The fabulist wears a mask
ragged with laughter
but if you listen to his eyes
they tell you he's not joking.

His jack-in-the-knife fable          
turns in a groove of lies
where lunacy and rhyme
lay the heretics in a row.

For the scarecrow believers 
his words fill the sky.
They hang on his periods
wander the pauses in his breath
until his kingdom is come.

Between the fabulist’s wrist
and his unspoken name
worlds are made and unmade
cutting across unready nerves
burning cities in your brain.

[Knot]

Hi TqB,
taking my name in whatsit? Hmm.


Given the title do you need to repeat 'fabulist' in L1? Also, given the poems origins this seems more a poem about Fabulists in general, rather than one in particular? What distinguishes this one from any other?
Also, aren't verses 2 and 3 covering a lot of the same ground? Also, the switch from 'the scarecrow/their' to 'your/you' is a bit jarring.
(Not convinced by 'ragged with', what might that look like?)

The Fabulist.

For the scarecrow believers
his words fill the sky.
They hang on his periods
wander the pauses in his breath

Between his supple wrist
and his unspoken name
worlds are made and unmade
burning cities in your brain.

jack-in-the-knife fables
turn in a groove of lies
where lunacy and rhyme
lay heretics in a row.

if you listen to his eyes
they tell you he's not joking.
for the fabulist wears a mask
ragged with laughter


Best, Knot


.

[TranquillityBase]

Hi TqB,
taking my name in whatsit? Hmm.
It was meant as a thank you 

Given the title do you need to repeat 'fabulist' in L1? 
Been waiting for that one.  I don't feel it matters that much and I wouldn't think it would discourage a reader.

Also, given the poems origins this seems more a poem about Fabulists in general, rather than one in particular? What distinguishes this one from any other?
You ask hard questions.  But you know, that probably means another stanza.
 
Also, aren't verses 2 and 3 covering a lot of the same ground?
I hope not.  2=the unbelievers, 3=the believers.

 Also, the switch from 'the scarecrow/their' to 'your/you' is a bit jarring.
Since I used second person in the first stanza, I thought returning to it in the last gave the poem some symmetry.

(Not convinced by 'ragged with', what might that look like?)
a pockmarked, scarred face laughing

The Fabulist.

For the scarecrow believers
his words fill the sky.
They hang on his periods
wander the pauses in his breath

Between his supple wrist
and his unspoken name
worlds are made and unmade
burning cities in your brain.

jack-in-the-knife fables
turn in a groove of lies
where lunacy and rhyme
lay heretics in a row.

if you listen to his eyes
they tell you he's not joking.
for the fabulist wears a mask
ragged with laughter

Right now, this seems a superior rendering....I think it works until you get to the last two lines which seem flat to me...Ill have to study more why it feels better to me.
I'm beginning to suspect that you are a Borg Poet   
.

OK, I studied it.  I kinda like leaving the fabulist's appearance until the end, but not enough to restructure the whole poem.  However I do really like what you did in the 4th stanza, the recombining brought out a superior stanza, so Im going to look at that more.  And maybe another stanza distinguishing this one from the dictiionary fabulist.

Fun to think about.

TqB

[Knot]

Hi TqB.

It was meant as a thank you Wink
I assumed as much, but couldn't resist.

Been waiting for that one. I don't feel it matters that much and I wouldn't think it would discourage a reader.
It just feels a little wasteful, in the sense that you could have something new to add about the fabulist, rather then just restating who the poem is about.


You ask hard questions. But you know, that probably means another stanza.
I don't have a problem with that

I hope not. 2=the unbelievers, 3=the believers.
I see that, but they don't feel that different (and what distinguishes one group from another.) Also they're not the fabulist.


Since I used second person in the first stanza, I thought returning to it in the last gave the poem some symmetry.
Just made it seem to me like you weren't sure who the audience was/who you were addressing.


a pockmarked, scarred face laughing
Okay, but how is that a 'mask'?


Right now, this seems a superior rendering....I think it works until you get to the last two lines which seem flat to me...
I'd blame the author.
Ill have to study more why it feels better to me.
I'm beginning to suspect that you are a Borg Poet Huh
Six of One?


OK, I studied it. I kinda like leaving the fabulist's appearance until the end, but not enough to restructure the whole poem.
Resistance is futile.
However I do really like what you did in the 4th stanza, the recombining brought out a superior stanza, so Im going to look at that more. And maybe another stanza distinguishing this one from the dictiionary fabulist.
Perhaps there should be two poems, one about fabulists in general, and one about Phillip and how he related to you?
Fun to think about.
Who could ask for more?


Best, Knot


.