Opposer of Tyranny

[alonso ramoran]

I wanna linger closest to the sun
a little more with you. It's not that
either of us are sick dogs—more like,
empires would burn and the flames
are volatile. This is something
that's implied when we share
what causes our faces to swell
and how the stars and planets
predict the pulse of thought
before there's touch, then space.
Enough space for you, pulling sleeves
over your hands while you talk
in my passenger, to echo.





I shared this with a girl I was talking to last summer. I hope I didn't embarrass myself

[TranquillityBase]

I wanna linger closest to the sun
a little more with you. It's not that
either of us are sick dogs—more like,
empires would burn and the flames
are volatile. This is something
that's implied when we share
what causes our faces to swell
and how the stars and planets
predict the pulse of thought
before there's touch, then space.
Enough space for you, pulling sleeves
over your hands while you talk
in my passenger, to echo.





I shared this with a girl I was talking to last summer. I hope I didn't embarrass myself

I don't think you embarrassed yourself.  It does seem like there's a missing word in the last line:  "In my passenger ?, to echo."

I don't think the title exactly fits.

TqB

[brynmawr1]

Velasco,

I enjoyed it but I'm not your target audience.  The real question is did your friend like it?
Bryn

[alonso ramoran]

I wanna linger closest to the sun
a little more with you. It's not that
either of us are sick dogs—more like,
empires would burn and the flames
are volatile. This is something
that's implied when we share
what causes our faces to swell
and how the stars and planets
predict the pulse of thought
before there's touch, then space.
Enough space for you, pulling sleeves
over your hands while you talk
in my passenger, to echo.





I shared this with a girl I was talking to last summer. I hope I didn't embarrass myself

I don't think you embarrassed yourself.  It does seem like there's a missing word in the last line:  "In my passenger ?, to echo."

I don't think the title exactly fits.

TqB

Yeah passenger seat! I guess it can go either way. As for the title, it was like a semi-inside joke thing lol

---

brymawr1,

Thank you for the feedback! She did like it : )