Posts: 254
Threads: 137
Joined: Feb 2022
I was given a turtle child, so I crafted her
a pool of stone. She loved me and
giggled me into an ether and the gaseous
enjoyment seemed to drift with the well
tailored gentlemen who flew over my backyard
on bikes and kites, their white beards flapping in the wind.
One day, I auctioned her off to become the clouds
that shaded me. Stripping away my bathrobe,
I devoted my life to the sound of wind. It
cleaned my ears like peppermint floss
Posts: 393
Threads: 58
Joined: May 2022
(10-15-2022, 03:55 AM)Semicircle Wrote: I was given a turtle child, so I crafted her I really liked this opening line, particularly 'pool of stone'.
a pool of stone. She loved me and Very poignant and contrasts with highlighted part of S2, L1.
giggled me into an ether and the gaseous
enjoyment seemed to drift with the well
tailored gentleman who flew over my backyard
on bikes and kites, their white beards flapping in the wind. Nice detail.
One day, I auctioned her off to become the clouds I liked this because of the myriad meanings underneath.
that shaded me. Stripping away my bathrobe,
I devoted my life to the sound of wind. It
cleaned my ears like peppermint floss
Hi Sc,
This is very well done to my read. There are some things I might suggest but overall very nice. Highlighted some of my favorites above.
write on,
bryn
Posts: 4
Threads: 1
Joined: Oct 2022
(10-15-2022, 03:55 AM)Semicircle Wrote: I was given a turtle child, so I crafted her
a pool of stone. She loved me and
giggled me into an ether and the gaseous
enjoyment seemed to drift with the well
tailored gentlemen who flew over my backyard
on bikes and kites, their white beards flapping in the wind.
One day, I auctioned her off to become the clouds
that shaded me. Stripping away my bathrobe,
I devoted my life to the sound of wind. It
cleaned my ears like peppermint floss
great use of verbs and adventure descriptions
