Bus stop

[Semicircle]

Cracked road
blurs into mirage


Yellow field,
herds of shadow
migrate to sea


Glass box,
Sunlight streams
through its film


Well tailored man
sits patiently
for a days work
to begin

[TranquillityBase]

Cracked road
leads into mirage


Yellow field,
herds of bulky shadow
migrating across                migrate?


Glass box,
Sunlight streams
through its film

Well tailored bones
sit patiently
for a days work
to begin

I only have one small change suggestion.  This poem is like looking at four very different snapshots.  Because of the title, I am expecting buses, so I'm reading references to structure to be a bus/buses (the mirage, the herd, the glass box) .  Am I anywhere on the right track (not that it matters, because I like it).  Your poems lend themselves to multiple interpretations which is good sometimes.  I do it too much.

[brynmawr1]

Cracked road
leads into mirage                How about "blurs"?


Yellow field,
herds of bulky shadow        This is the only line that rubs on me a bit.  I think mostly because of "herds".  I'm thinking cows is a field
migrating across                  how about "drifting"?


Glass box,
Sunlight streams
through its film

Well tailored bones              Wasn't this "man" when you first posted?  I kind of liked man better
sit patiently
for a days work                 I like the feel and image of this stanza.
to begin

SC,

  I agree with TqB about the snap shots, but I like it because it feels like a progression to the final stanza.  All of the imagery is stark and clear to me(whether my interpretation is correct or not).  i made some small suggestions but overall i like this.  Thanks,
bryn

[Semicircle]

Cracked road
leads into mirage


Yellow field,
herds of bulky shadow
migrating across                migrate?


Glass box,
Sunlight streams
through its film

Well tailored bones
sit patiently
for a days work
to begin

I only have one small change suggestion.  This poem is like looking at four very different snapshots.  Because of the title, I am expecting buses, so I'm reading references to structure to be a bus/buses (the mirage, the herd, the glass box) .  Am I anywhere on the right track (not that it matters, because I like it).  Your poems lend themselves to multiple interpretations which is good sometimes. 

The glass box is supposed to be the rain shelter for the bus bench that the bones sit on. It is somewhat ambigious though.

 I do it too much.

  Poems open to interpretation linger longer than straightforward ones. Yours require a good bit of thought but the payoff feels more earned than if it was linear.

---

Cracked road
leads into mirage                How about "blurs"?


Yellow field,
herds of bulky shadow        This is the only line that rubs on me a bit.  I think mostly because of "herds".  I'm thinking cows is a field
migrating across                  how about "drifting"?


Glass box,
Sunlight streams
through its film

Well tailored bones              Wasn't this "man" when you first posted?  I kind of liked man better
sit patiently
for a days work                 I like the feel and image of this stanza.
to begin

SC,

  I agree with TqB about the snap shots, but I like it because it feels like a progression to the final stanza.  All of the imagery is stark and clear to me(whether my interpretation is correct or not).  i made some small suggestions but overall i like this.  Thanks,
bryn

Thank you bryn, I have adjusted a couple areas.

Wasn't this "man" when you first posted?  I kind of liked man better

I wanted to express that the bus never came and he waited for a very long time.

[brynmawr1]

Cracked road
blurs into mirage


Yellow field,
herds of bulky shadow   Still not sure what you are going for but the imagery works!
migrate to sea


Glass box,
Sunlight streams
through its film

Well tailored man
sits patiently
for a days work
to begin

Nice work.  Thanks bryn.

[Savvi]

Cracked road
blurs into mirage 


Yellow field,
herds of bulky shadow should shadow be plural ?
migrate to sea


Glass box,
Sunlight streams
through its film

Well tailored man
sits patiently
for a days work
to begin

Ok so we are at a bus stop, S1 nice image I can see the heat wave over the tarmac, S2 whilst a clever image of fields of rape seed poss ?, again depicting summer heat yet seems juxt apposed to migration when the weather turns colder ? S3 back in the bus stop IMHO this is quite weak but I like the detail of the film ( could be peeling film ). Whilst solid images throughout I wanted the poem to go somewhere to have more of a significance than just a snap shot, I kind of felt like I was left waiting for the bus, of course that may have been your intention. Savvi