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05-26-2022, 04:11 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-26-2022, 04:24 PM by Tiger the Lion.)
The Report
in compromised light
pointing fingers
look like cocked pistols
is prudence meant
to wait for dawn?
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Hey Paul- suggestions, below:
(05-26-2022, 04:11 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: The Report
in compromised light hmm?? "compromised" just doesn't seem like the right word. Why not simply "in darkness"?
pointing fingers
look like cocked pistols
is prudence meant I think you need a stronger ending. The enjambment on "meant" isn't working for me. I think that "meant" is not adding anything here.
to wait for dawn?
I have a feel for what yer going for, but this short one needs more punch- "pointing fingers/cocked pistols" provides the necessary kernel.
Thanks for showing up,
Mark
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This makes sense for British Politics at the moment with a certain 'report' published recently.
I'm sure it was intended
wae aye man ye radgie
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While I was fairly pleased with this upon posting, the ambiguity is too much.
Thank you to both Marks for reading and commenting.
I'll have a look at narrowing this.
Without explicating too much I'll say that "compromised" is a problem. On the one hand it is the perfect word, but on the other, it confuses the poem by adding a dimension I can't properly address in such a short piece. I may have even made the same mistake with the title... another layer not fully explained. All good lessons. It's always a challenge for me to pack big ideas into tiny packages.