The Family Tree

[Mark A Becker]

The Family Tree

Even in broad daylight
while the kids call for him
by the new tire swing
granddaddy won't go near
      that gnarled old southern oak. 

He says we're willfully
whitewashing history
when we let kids play there,
but I say let 'em be-
      laughing as they swing now

they swing free.

[busker]

I feel that the second strophe is a bit of an anticlimax after the “gnarled southern oak”
If that line could be made the last line of the poem, it would be an epiphany and the poem would do well to end there

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Or if it weren’t made the last line, the second shouldn’t talk about swinging free and whitewashing history as that doesn’t add significantly to the previous lines

[Mark A Becker]

I feel that the second strophe is a bit of an anticlimax after the “gnarled southern oak”
If that line could be made the last line of the poem, it would be an epiphany and the poem would do well to end there

---

Or if it weren’t made the last line, the second shouldn’t talk about swinging free and whitewashing history as that doesn’t add significantly to the previous lines

Good observations busker.  If I just let it hang at S.1 it may be suggestive enough.  As you may know, I'm always for paring down poems...
I'm thinking S.1 becomes S.2 and a *new* S.1 as a brief scene setting line or two.

Thanks,
Mark