Eclipse

[ISawASpaceship]

A box with static
plays loudly.


Old and dusty,
the owner watches its screen,
trying to push a picture into view
but the box refuses
and continues to play static
as if to say
that it no longer wants to play
the things that the owner wants it to play.


The static shuffles itself about,
a sign that the box is shutting down,
refusing to function the way that it was intended to
and in the bright light of its glow
for a moment it hums a final note,
one that is sad, soft, and low
and a whisper makes its way into the room,
directed at another box
that is barely playing
outside of the house
and it breathes its final words aloud,
“This is what you've made me.”


The owner cries and leaves the room
having done
all that He can do
and the other box weeps, as well
and then begins to static.


It won't fade to black
like the other box had
but for a while it will stay near the tomb
that was the living room
and the momentary resting place
of his beloved,
while he sits underneath our Yggdrasil
beneath the blackened moon.

[Kerbonzo_beenz]

My interpretation is that a parent wants to distract himself with the television or something along that nature, but they just can't anymore, and the feelings of escapism aren't the same as they used to be. They feel guilty about neglecting their child, but continue to try; to drown out their responsibility.They become more nihilistic and want to change but can't because they feel discouraged, maybe because of a traumatic event that took place. They feel unsatisfied but continue to follow this same dark path, the same path under the blackened moon.

At least that is how it came off to me. What do you think it means?

[ISawASpaceship]

My interpretation is that a parent wants to distract himself with the television or something along that nature, but they just can't anymore, and the feelings of escapism aren't the same as they used to be. They feel guilty about neglecting their child, but continue to try; to drown out their responsibility.They become more nihilistic and want to change but can't because they feel discouraged, maybe because of a traumatic event that took place. They feel unsatisfied but continue to follow this same dark path, the same path under the blackened moon.

At least that is how it came off to me. What do you think it means?

The first box is a woman. The other box a man. The first box plays static and is shutting down. The other box is just fine until the first box fades to black (death). Yggdrasil is a tree that both boxes used to sit under. The tree is a literal tree.

[Kerbonzo_beenz]

My interpretation is that a parent wants to distract himself with the television or something along that nature, but they just can't anymore, and the feelings of escapism aren't the same as they used to be. They feel guilty about neglecting their child, but continue to try; to drown out their responsibility.They become more nihilistic and want to change but can't because they feel discouraged, maybe because of a traumatic event that took place. They feel unsatisfied but continue to follow this same dark path, the same path under the blackened moon.

At least that is how it came off to me. What do you think it means?

The first box is a woman. The other box a man. The first box plays static and is shutting down. The other box is just fine until the first box fades to black. Yggdrasil is a tree that both boxes used to sit under. The tree is a literal tree.

Woah, that metaphor didn't come across to me in the same way.

My interpretation is deserving of a poem unto itself though.

Thanks for the inspiration!

[ISawASpaceship]

My interpretation is that a parent wants to distract himself with the television or something along that nature, but they just can't anymore, and the feelings of escapism aren't the same as they used to be. They feel guilty about neglecting their child, but continue to try; to drown out their responsibility.They become more nihilistic and want to change but can't because they feel discouraged, maybe because of a traumatic event that took place. They feel unsatisfied but continue to follow this same dark path, the same path under the blackened moon.

At least that is how it came off to me. What do you think it means?

The first box is a woman. The other box a man. The first box plays static and is shutting down. The other box is just fine until the first box fades to black. Yggdrasil is a tree that both boxes used to sit under. The tree is a literal tree.

Woah, that metaphor didn't come across to me in the same way.

My interpretation is deserving of a poem unto itself though.

Thanks for the inspiration!

Indeed, you should make your own poem about that. It would be rather interesting to read.

[TranquillityBase]

A box with static
plays loudly.


Old and dusty,
the owner watches its screen,             something more descriptive than "owner" would be helpful
trying to push a picture into view
but the box refuses
and continues to play static
as if to say
that it no longer wants to play
the things that the owner wants it to play.


The static shuffles itself about,
a sign that the box is shutting down,
refusing to function the way that it was intended to
and in the bright light of its glow
for a moment it hums a final note,
one that is sad, soft, and low
and a whisper makes its way into the room,
directed at another box
that is barely playing
outside of the house
and it breathes its final words aloud,  "it" could be either box, so this is a little unclear
“This is what you've made me.”


The owner cries and leaves the room
having done
all that He can do
and the other box weeps, as well
and then begins to static.                 I wasn't clear on what is being "done" in this stanza


It won't fade to black
like the other box had
but for a while it will stay near the tomb
that was the living room
and the momentary resting place
of his beloved,
while he sits underneath Yggdrasil
beneath the blackened moon.

Spaceship, I like the enigma of the boxes, but it wasn't clear to me that there was a male-female dynamic going on here.  And Yggdrasil sort of comes out of nowhere.

TqB

[ISawASpaceship]

A box with static
plays loudly.


Old and dusty,
the owner watches its screen,             something more descriptive than "owner" would be helpful
trying to push a picture into view
but the box refuses
and continues to play static
as if to say
that it no longer wants to play
the things that the owner wants it to play.


The static shuffles itself about,
a sign that the box is shutting down,
refusing to function the way that it was intended to
and in the bright light of its glow
for a moment it hums a final note,
one that is sad, soft, and low
and a whisper makes its way into the room,
directed at another box
that is barely playing
outside of the house
and it breathes its final words aloud,  "it" could be either box, so this is a little unclear
“This is what you've made me.”


The owner cries and leaves the room
having done
all that He can do
and the other box weeps, as well
and then begins to static.                 I wasn't clear on what is being "done" in this stanza


It won't fade to black
like the other box had
but for a while it will stay near the tomb
that was the living room
and the momentary resting place
of his beloved,
while he sits underneath Yggdrasil
beneath the blackened moon.

Spaceship, I like the enigma of the boxes, but it wasn't clear to me that there was a male-female dynamic going on here.  And Yggdrasil sort of comes out of nowhere.

TqB

The context of this poem is that I was depressed and wanted to commit suicide. The owner is God, hence the capital H in "He." The whisper that made it's way into the room was coming from the first box, it breathing it's final words is the last thing it says before committing suicide. The first box represents the woman, the second her lover. Yggdrasil is the world tree in Norse mythology. It holds all of the worlds. In real life there is a special tree that Westley and I share. He calls it the Sagan tree. I assume something about Carl Sagan but I digress. It was written more for catharsis. I'd never actually send it to him because he'd probably figure it out and freak out and that was not the goal of things.

[TranquillityBase]

The context of this poem is that I was depressed and wanted to commit suicide. The owner is God, hence the capital H in "He." The whisper that made it's way into the room was coming from the first box, it breathing it's final words is the last thing it says before committing suicide. The first box represents the woman, the second her lover. Yggdrasil is the world tree in Norse mythology. It holds all of the worlds. In real life there is a special tree that Westley and I share. He calls it the Sagan tree. I assume something about Carl Sagan but I digress. It was written more for catharsis. I'd never actually send it to him because he'd probably figure it out and freak out and that was not the goal of things.

Maybe capitalize "owner" too, but I think some more descriptive noun would clue us in better

Maybe "our Yggdrasil" at the end

[rowens]

Odin sacrificed himself to himself, hanging on that tree. Think of the implications in your two in one box.

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During an eclipse, no less.

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An eclipse of night?
Night, itself

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This sounds like poetry.

Solid, laid down lines. Some tone, some thoughtful rhythms happening.