A Mild Success in a Dull Business

[TranquillityBase]

For twenty odd years
I taught staff
throughout the Southwest
a software for processing 
interlibrary loan requests.

In a teaching lab in Arizona
a loudspeaker interrupted
me again and again
all morning long.

During the dreaded
after lunch session
it began once more.

I looked at the speaker
on the wall and pretended
to load a shell 
into an automatic
and shoot the speaker into silence.

My audience applauded
for the the first 
and last time.

"I'm a mild success in a dull business" quote from John Cassavetes' film Faces.

[Knot]

.
Hi Tqb,
I'd quibble about mild (in the title), seems a bit unnatural in terms of speech, but ... I enjoyed the read.
You start of with something approaching a regular meter and rhyme, but then it promptly vanishes. Why? (If you don't want the rhyme, switch lines one and two)


For twenty odd years
I taught all over the Southwest
software packages for processing
interlibrary loan requests.

alternative
[i]Best part of thirty years I taught a bunch[/i]
of software packages for processing
interlibrary loan requests.................... not entirely sure this detail's necessary (it doesn't appear relevant to anything that follows)
all over the Southwest,


One time, somewhere in Arizona
a loudspeaker interrupted me
all morning long. Over and over (over and over / again and again, probably redundant)
"this is where you put the announcement" (which should rhyme with 'me')

During the dreaded
after lunch session
it began once more.

When it began again, after lunch
I looked at the speaker on the wall
mimed locking a shell into an automatic

and shot it into silence.
for the the first and last time.
My audience applauded


Best, Knot


,

[TranquillityBase]

.
Hi Tqb,
I'd quibble about mild (in the title), seems a bit unnatural in terms of speech, but ... I enjoyed the read.
You start of with something approaching a regular meter and rhyme, but then it promptly vanishes. Why? (If you don't want the rhyme, switch lines one and two)

The title/stolen quote is what inspired me to write this, so it is probably now expendable, though I'm very attached to it.

Why did I not continue with a regular meter/rhyme?  I simply didn't see it.  I think I'm meter deaf.

I'll look at sustaining that (the meter, not the rhyme).  I wanted "interlibrary loan" in there to emphasize the dullness of the subject.  But maybe there's a better way to do that.

Thanks for your input.

TqB

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Tim-

The entire piece is predicated on the pay-off stanza at the end:
My audience applauded
for the the first
and last time.

Since it takes 4 stanzas to get there, that pay-off is diluted: sort of like a joke that's too long in the telling before hitting the punchline.  Less lead-up, of course, means paring this one down so that the pay-off pops.

I'd also note that this reads like prose with line breaks, and it needs more of your talent for colorful language.

-- Mark

[TranquillityBase]

Hey Tim-

The entire piece is predicated on the pay-off stanza at the end:
My audience applauded
for the the first
and last time.

Since it takes 4 stanzas to get there, that pay-off is diluted: sort of like a joke that's too long in the telling before hitting the punchline.  Less lead-up, of course, means paring this one down so that the pay-off pops.

I'd also note that this reads like prose with line breaks, and it needs more of your talent for colorful language.

-- Mark

Thanks Mark.  Your last sentence echoes what I suspected about this one; it does sound like prose.  Helps to have it confirmed.  Not really sure it is even worth revising.  Revisiting those days gives me the heebie jeebies    Or maybe the poem should really be about the quote itself (the title).  That's what keeps haunting me.

Tim 

[Mark A Becker]

Speaking of libraries- about 30 years ago I produced the following PSA for a library system.  It was story boarded, and rough cut as a 30 second song (sung by kids) to promote summer reading. It went through the heirarchy in VA, all the way through to the ALA in Chicago, but was ultimately rejected for the pronunciation of "library", as "liberry".  Thay also objected to staging a kid on a low branch, as it was deemed "too dangerous."  Humorless ALA brass just stripped the fun right outta this one.  Anywho, here it is, with in line notes: 

The Liberry Tree

(Fade up)
The liberry tree,    (kid 1 singing)
oh, the liberry tree-  (Cut to kid 1 & 2 singing)
when I wanna read  (Cut to 7 kids singing, with tree in background, with soft focus of books hanging like fruit)
I just pick what I need  (Cut to 7 kids singing, with tree in background, with rack focus to books hanging like fruit)
from the liberry tree.  (Cut to wide shot of 7 kids singing, with tree in background, with books hanging like fruit)

L-I-B-R-A-R- (Cut to each of 6 kids singing each letter)
why?  (Cut to 7th kid singing "why?")
Because I love to read !  (Cut to wide shot of all kids singing)

C’mon,  (Shot opens out to reveal kid on low tree branch, holding an open book)
I know there’s a branch near you…  (Cut to close up of kid on low tree branch  speaking the tag line)

(Fade to black)

The shot of the kid on the low branch was modified to have her stand under the branch, holding an open book (other books dangling like fruit from the tree).  No luck- still rejected for the "liberry" pronunciation, even though the kids actually sing it out loudly, letter by letter, correctly.  It was a really fun piece to produce.  Too bad it never aired...

[TranquillityBase]

Mark,

Great PSA and their loss.  Humorlessness is not the least of their problems.

I was naturally drawn to work in libraries because I wanted to be around books.  Then I discovered, too late, that the last thing most librarians care about are books.  Not that there aren't lots of good librarians out there.  But the work grinds it out of you, if you let it.  And many do.  So I got out of libraries and into training.  And built my own library, uncataloged and untouched by anyone but me 

Thanks for sharing this.

Tim