Dollar Soul Store

[TranquillityBase]

Candle powered
candied exorcist treats
greet me at the door.
Animal headed clerks
wearing ghost dance shirts
stare as I wander
looking for an eye glasses repair kit.
I was sent to the Ossuary Department
where any Alice you wish is in charge,
she laughed and sent me
down an aisle of robot samurai.
At aisle’s end a hermaphrodite
dressed in a Tibetan monk’s robes
removed my clothes
and sent me naked into an Aztec market
parrot feathers, turquoise, amulets,
but no eye glasses kits.
Chased out of the market,
I fled up a pyramid’s steps,
into the middle of a sacrifice
and was angrily pushed onto an escalator
going down to lingerie.
Artemis met me there
led me to where the Glass Dolls lived.
When I looked at them
they shattered, blinding me for life,
and a  wax figure of Marlene Dietrich
handed me my receipt
with a chance to win an afterlife
circled in neon yellow.

[Knot]

.
Hi TqB
enjoyed the read.
Couple of minor quibbles,
you start with the present tense (greet) then slip to the past (was sent), easily fixed.
And try ‘spectacles’ for ‘glasses’ (better rhythm and sonics).
If ‘blind’ how ‘Marlene Dietrich’?

It might read better with longer lines.


Candle powered candied exorcist treats
greet me at the door. Animal headed clerks
wearing ghost dance shirts stare
as I wander looking for an eye glasses repair kit.

I was sent to the Ossuary Department
where any Alice you wish is in charge,
she laughed and sent me down an aisle
of robot samurai, where at the end
a(n) hermaphrodite dressed in a Tibetan monk’s robes as a Tibetan monk
removed my clothes and sent me naked
into an Aztec market, parrot feathers,
turquoise, amulets, but no eye glasses kits.

Chased out of the market, I fled
up a pyramid’s steps into the middle of a sacrifice
and was angrily pushed onto an escalator
going down to lingerie. Artemis met me there

led me to where the Glass Dolls lived.
When I looked at them they shattered,
blinding me for life, and a wax figure
of Marlene Dietrich handed me my receipt
with a chance to win an afterlife
circled in neon yellow.



Best, Knot.


.

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Tim-
Very fun fever dream, this one. 

Might you consider cutting the first two words, and start at "candied.." ?

"Candle powered candied" has great sonics, but is impossible to make sense of, right outta the gate: let the weirdness build up.

As much as I was thrown off by the open, the ending is absolutely fantastical:
"a chance to win an afterlife
circled in neon yellow."
   

That ending was well worth the price of admission.
... Mark