the boy i loved

[ec514]

the boy i loved, he sang for me:
i danced and smiled happily.
the joy i had could not compare;
i've searched for it most everywhere

the time we shared could not be priced.
the seconds we had made my life.
but like all good things, we would fade.
his song would cease, my heart would break.

i cried and wept, "my musician!"
he was gone, left on a mission.
i wished him well, i said goodbye
he didn't look back but i heard him sigh.

[dukealien]

the boy i loved, he sang for me  see comment below on punctuation
i danced and smiled happily
the joy i had could not compare  needs basis of comparison, or the (somewhat stock) concept "beyond compare," perhaps
i've searched for it most everywhere

the time we shared could not be priced  switch from end-rhymes to near-rhymes (see below)
the seconds we had made my life
but like all good things, we would fade
his song would cease, my heart would break

i cried and wept, "my musician!" an added foot in here could make reading smoother - "my own musician" or the like?
he was gone, left on a mission rhythmic carry-over from last line
i wished him well, i said goodbye
he didn't look back, but i heard him sigh could do with a few less beats on this last line, perhaps

In intensive critique (or a little less intense than that)...

In general, while consistent meter is not required it tends to accompany rhyme.  The second stanza, for example, speaks of conflict and uses near-rhyme instead:  broken meter can work there.  But in the first and last stanzas, which are rhymed, a regular meter seems (to me) a better fit.  (I'm tempted, for example, to read L2 as "I danced and smile-ed happily" to fit the meter L1 seems to establish.)

In the area of typography and punctuation, the choice of no capitalization is yours and works fine.  However, the choice of no punctuation at all for line endings is not helping.  For example, L1 and L2 are logically connected but separate statements.  A colon at the end of L1 (or an em dash) would help the reader who otherwise tries at first to read L2 as a continuation of the sentence from L1.  Use of commas within lines is inconsistent with no commas (or other punctuation) at line ends, though consistency is not mandatory, either.

Some expressions are near or over the line into cliche - "all good things" and "wished him well" are examples.   More originality is a plus.

A final suggestion:  lose the final sigh.  The rest of the poem is about the narrator's feelings.  Bringing in those of the beloved here, even by implication,  is a little late for this turn, in my view.

You've told a simple story - with a few inventive flashes of language and regular meter where appropriate, it could be better and more striking without sacrificing that simplicity.

[Richard]

Hey ec514,
Welcome to the site  

It's difficult to write an original love poem these days, and I think your piece suffers because of that. I'll go into more detail below:

the boy i loved, he sang for me: -I noticed that a lot your lines are in iambics. There's nothing wrong with that, but then there are times you break the rhythm, which, in my opinion, should only be done intentionally and to add emphasis. Then some would say too, that rhythm should be consistent all the way through. I'm making this point because this is something you need to think about when you edit this poem.
i danced and smiled happily. -I know one can "smile sadly," but smiling is usually associated with being happy. To me, "smiled happily" is a bit redundant.
the joy i had could not compare;
i've searched for it most everywhere -The last two lines here don't add much. The speaker already said they were happy, so why mention it again? The joy would be more interesting if the speaker could find something to compare it to through a metaphor or a simile.

the time we shared could not be priced. -I have no problem playing around with the ideas of time and money. You should consider expanding on it more. For example, what would be the currency if there was a price?
the seconds we had made my life. -What was the speaker's life made into? I would suggest rewording this line.
but like all good things, we would fade. -The expression, "like all good things" is way too cliched. Again, consider rewording this line.
his song would cease, my heart would break. -I like "his song would cease". You should end the line there because the reader should be able to figure out that means the speaker's heart is broken, or something is wrong with the relationship.

i cried and wept, "my musician!"  -The wording, "i cried and wept" is a bit redundant, so you need to pick one.
he was gone, left on a mission. -The use of the word "mission" makes me think the musician joined the army. Was that your intention?
i wished him well, i said goodbye -This sounds way too formal for a heart breaking goodbye. This line would have much more impact if you described some of the hysterics the speaker said because they were so heart broken by the breakup.
he didn't look back but i heard him sigh. -It would be a stronger ending if the speaker didn't look back. Like the other critique pointed out, you don't need to change focus in the last line.

I feel like I was very harsh here, but I hope some of what I said helps you in editing this piece.

Thanks for the read,
Richard

[nozaki]

my overall feeling of the piece is that it is mostly general and oddly specific... as the other crits have said, novelty is hard to come by when writing love poems. perhaps narrowing the timeframe or emotion of the poem would help refine it. i like where you went with this, however harsh i may come across, would just like some embellishment and sharper references. looking forward to revisions!

the boy i loved, he sang for me:
i danced and smiled happily. -this stanza suffers for lack of detail. instead of generalization after generalization, a specific memory... 
the joy i had could not compare;
i've searched for it most everywhere -these two lines need to be grounded... compared to what? ' most everywhere' feels like an easy substitution for a more prescient phrase. 

the time we shared could not be priced.
the seconds we had made my life. -verb placement is weird here; and i am not a fan of the extended metaphor, again too general for me to fully appreciate the beauty of what you are trying to say. 
but like all good things, we would fade. -transition into a different tense is not jarring, but a bit strange considering that the last stanza is again speaking from the past stanza. 
his song would cease, my heart would break. -first half of this line is very lovely and the second half, 'my heart would break,' is very tired. 

i cried and wept, "my musician!" 
he was gone, left on a mission. -oddly specific, 'mission'. doesn't fit with the musical motif. 
i wished him well, i said goodbye -noticed that you have a penchant for repetition within lines. i think this is where the most improvement can be made, just a tightening of existing lines. 
he didn't look back but i heard him sigh. -i rather enjoy the last minute pivot into the boy, adds a small but needed dose of perspective to an otherwise very self-centered piece.