Rock 'n Roll Roulette
#1
Baseball caps pointed backwards,
small-town lowriders cruise
across Texas plains in hydraulic rigs
with over-size chrome mag tires.

Four old ranchers stand in a circle,
telling stories and laughing
as dusk moves in over the palisade.
Hank, complimenting the cowboy tableau,
sings Honky Tonk Blues on my radio,
as dusk moves in over the palisades.
Below along the river bed, cottonwoods
huddle together in the evening breeze.

Blues, make me an island behind this wheel
every tune a bone-tingle transformation.
I dial in an R&B station, Johnny Ace belts out
Yes Baby, Big Mama Thornton on harp.
After the 1961 graduation prom, Mary Ann
interrupted our fumblings with each other
in the back seat to say - Oooh-Ooh - JJ –
that’s beautiful? It’s the way I feel right now.

Christmas Day in Houston, 1954, backstage after
his final encore of Pledging My Love, Johnny, 
pie-eyed, was playing with a pistol, Big Mama
told him, Don’ mess with that gun, Johnny,
somebody gonna get hurt. I’ts OK, it ain’t loaded
Mama. He squeezed it off and his microphones
backfired; the final note faded into blue smoke.

 On the long drive into the mountains,
Johnny’s voice on the radio is bold,
sharp as the first tune he turned to gold.



(Orig.)
Small-town lowriders
in baseball caps
pointed backwards
cruise across Texas plains
in low-rider rigs
with hydraulics
and under-size tires.

Four old ranchers
stand in a circle,
telling stories
and laughing
as dusk moves in
over the palisade.

Below, along the river bed,
cottonwoods huddle
and shiver together
in the evening breeze.
The high-pitched crooning
voice of Hank Williams
comes out of the radio speakers
like a preacher’s.

Blues, make me an island
behind this steering wheel,
every tune a transformation;
all the world be praised,
shakin’ it, shoutin’ it
to the rooftops, to the hills.

I dial in an R&B station,
Johnnie Ace belts out Yes Baby,
Big Mama Thornton on harp;
it shoots me back to fumbled kisses
and exploratory raptures out on
Mission Point with Mary Ann.

At a Christmas Day, 1954,
Rock Jubilee in Houston,
after he sang Pledging My Love
for an encore, backstage
he held a pistol to his head
to show his piano player
it was empty, squeezed it off,
and all his microphones backfired,
like the snap,
the final note.

On the long drive
into the mountains,
Johnny’s voice
on the radio
is bold, as sharp
as the first tune
he turned to gold.



Curtis Tillman, who witnessed the event, said, "I will tell you exactly what happened! Johnny Ace had been drinking and he had this little pistol he was waving around the table and someone said ‘Be careful with that thing…’ and he said ‘It’s okay! Gun’s not loaded… see?’ and pointed it at himself with a smile on his face and ‘Bang!’ — sad, sad thing. Big Mama ran out of the dressing room yelling ‘Johnny Ace just killed himself!'"
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#2
Firstly, great title
(though there seems to be some dispute about whether he was engaged
in Russian roulette. Also Google has him as 'Johnny Ace')
I like all the individual parts of this RC, but, for me, they don't add up.
I know there's a narrative here, but I think you're keeping it to yourself.
Memories being triggered by a song, ok, yet it just doesn't flow properly.
I really like the opening, great image, want more of that story, but it
doesn't seem to go anywhere, and I can't relate it to the rest of the piece.

S1 - repetition of 'lowriders',
and L6/7 are just defining a term already used twice.
Would suggest;
baseball caps pointed backwards
across [the] Texas plains

S2 - would flow better as two long lines, I think
Four old ranchers stand in a circle, telling stories[,]
and laughing as dusk moves in over the palisade.

S3/4 - cut into two parts:
Below, along the river bed, cottonwoods huddle and shiver together
in the evening breeze.
(this connects to S2, not to what follows, I think)
The high-pitched crooning voice of Hank Williams
comes out of the radio speakers like a preacher’s.
'voice' and 'high-pitched' don't work very well,
and I think this needs more detail.

S5 - like the first three lines, the rest I find confusing.
It doesn't seem to fit either Hank Williams or Johnny Ace.

S6 - again, like the first three lines, but I don't think there's enough
detail, and has N been here all along? To me this seems like the
opening verse.
'exploratory' is a bit weak.

S7 - This stutters a bit, the lines don't flow,
(but the story is fascinating).
Maybe;
Backstage, [between sets] at Huston's Rock Jubilee
Johnny Ace put a pistol to his head.
Pledging My love was still fading away, he said
[if you know what the final chord of the song is, use it]
"It's ok. Guns not loaded see" and...

S8 - just an issue with line lengths, for me.
(Though you've 'voice' again, as in S3)

Hope this is of some use.


Best, Knot.
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#3
K - I know the title is a stretch because of the circumstances - wasn't really roulette, but in a sense,
there's a wider use or meaning of the term - more generally applied to just taking a wild chance. 
I like the sonics of it - so will keep it.  - RC
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#4
Don't get me wrong RC, I think it's a great title, but,
taking the 'wider meaning', where are the 'wild chances'
being taken in the other stanzas?
Also, what song accompanies S1?

Best, Knot.
Reply
#5
Don't get me wrong RC, I think it's a great title, but,
taking the 'wider meaning', where are the 'wild chances'
being taken in the other stanzas?

"wild chances" refers in a general, unspecified way to the use of the term
"Russian Roulette" - to unconsidered choices made by someone without
any real justification - choices that might easily "backfire" on them. It doesn't
refer to anything else in the poem.

Also, what song accompanies S1?
Never thought there had to be - the opening stanza is just setting the scene,
and establishes the fact that I'm traveling.

Seems strange that you'd focus on these side questions instead of addressing
the revision - maybe you didn't notice it? RC
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#6
OK, RC, addressing the revision now.

Baseball caps pointed backwards,
small-town lowriders cruise
across Texas plains in hydraulic rigs
with over-size chrome mag tires.
I didn't/don't get a sense of N in this scene
(perhaps because of 'caps', plural), and
'lowriders' renders 'hydraulic...tires' redundant.
Nor do I get the sense of N travelling.
That doesn't start until S3.

Striding out on a limb here RC, but I wonder
if you've got two separate (but related) pieces.
RnR Roulette, and the second (for want of a title)
Texas through Song.


Rock and Roll Roulette.

Christmas Day in Houston, 1954, backstage, [road weary],
Johnny [Ace], pie-eyed, [and] playing with a [.32],

Big Mama told him: Don’ mess with that gun,
Johnny, somebody gonna get hurt.

[S'o]K, it ain’t loaded Mama. He squeezed it off
and [all] his mics backfired; Dm, the final chord, faded into blue smoke.

Blues, make me an island behind this wheel
every tune a bone-tingle transformation.

I dial in an R&B station, Johnny Ace [is belting] out
Yes Baby, Big Mama Thornton [still __?_] on harp.

After the 1961 graduation prom, Mary Ann
interrupted our fumblings with each other

in the back seat to say - Oooh-Ooh - JJ –
that’s beautiful? It’s the way I feel right now.




Music to watch Texas go by.


Baseball caps pointed backwards,
small-town lowriders cruise
across Texas plains in hydraulic rigs
with over-size chrome mag tires.

Four old ranchers stand in a circle,
telling stories and laughing
as dusk moves in over the palisade.
Hank, complimenting the cowboy tableau,
- 'complimenting' too much tell not enough show.

Honky Tonk Blues on my radio,
as dusk moves in over the palisades.
Below along the river bed, cottonwoods
huddle together in the evening breeze.

On the long drive into the mountains,
Johnny’s voice on the radio is bold,
sharp as the first tune he turned to gold.
(and one more line).


There are no side questions. Smile

Best, Knot.
Reply
#7
Knot - thanks for your input,  but I'll stick with my revision - gettin dizzy  - RC

There are no side questions.

But there are levels of importance and degrees of relevance.
Otherwise chewing gum would carry the same weight as fighting cancer.
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