A Light Source (title change)

[nibbed]

A Light Source


I'm convinced
you're the type
Who'd pull out
the long ladder
climb into rafters
risking mouthfuls
of musty dust
and pink glass hair
just to grab a heap of
once upon a time
whatever-am-I-going-to-do
with these still good Yellow Pages

while happily
stacking them
high
on an empty chair
so a little kid
can have a nice supper
with the rest of the adults.








original

Yeah, you




I'm convinced you're the type
who'd pull out the long ladder
climb into rafters
risk mouthfuls of camel dust
and pink glass hair

just to grab a heap of
once upon a time
whatever-am-I-going-to-do
with these still good yellow pages

only to happily
stack them high
upon a once empty chair
so some little kid
can have a nice supper
with the rest of the adults.

[vagabond]

I'm convinced you're the type

who'd pull out the long ladder

climb into rafters

risk mouthfuls of camel dust

and pink glass hair

just to grab a heap of

once upon a time

whatever-am-I-going-to-do

with these still good yellow pages

only to happily                                  stumble over "only". i think you could start with "you happily stack..."

stack them high

upon a once empty chair                            maybe leave out "once"

so some little kid                           it could be "the" instead of "some" if you mean the person adressed here

can have a nice supper

with the rest of the adults.

this is an original read.

most images remain surreal to me but i think the poem still delivers a pretty good point of which i am unsure if it differs from your intended one, but doesn´t matter. i like it.

[nibbed]

I'm convinced you're the type

who'd pull out the long ladder

climb into rafters

risk mouthfuls of camel dust

and pink glass hair

just to grab a heap of

once upon a time

whatever-am-I-going-to-do

with these still good yellow pages

only to happily                                  stumble over "only". i think you could start with "you happily stack..."

stack them high

upon a once empty chair                            maybe leave out "once"

so some little kid                           it could be "the" instead of "some" if you mean the person adressed here

can have a nice supper

with the rest of the adults.

this is an original read.

most images remain surreal to me but i think the poem still delivers a pretty good point of which i am unsure if it differs from your intended one, but doesn´t matter. i like it.

I love your suggestions, vagabond!
They cleaned up the poem, nicely.

Thank you!

nibbed