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Put Down the Gun
Can you picture Christ
in a Mexican standoff?
proud,
proud,
proud,
in triangulated crossfire
or triune, stubborn fear?
Are you so cold
you would not also give up your cloak
of right?
You have become pagan
in your celebrations;
a hoarder of ghosts
crusading for heavier loin cloths
and scratching your balls all day.
What's the book on misdirection?
Can you even read
with your hands full of hate
and eyes of lead?
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(12-12-2017, 01:11 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: Put Down the Gun
Can you picture Christ
in a Mexican standoff?
proud, i get why proud has to be there 3 times.. still visually seems a little much to me.
proud,
proud,
in triangulated crossfire triangulated for a pun on trinity.. or is god contradicting his own "parts"?
or triune, stubborn fear? "stubborn" i didn´t quite see, but interesting thought, fear unites.
Are you so cold
you would not also give up your cloak
of right? oh stupid me, asking again: what right, how does it cloak (and maybe even what)?
You have become pagan "pagan"... any faith (and atheism too) is pagan in other views.. but that´s just me tainting the read. if i try to read it from a christian point of view then the line does make sense in its accusation
in your celebrations; i like the thought how the celebrations feel off in their purpose
a hoarder of ghosts
crusading for heavier loin cloths great line
and scratching your balls all day. ahem .. wouldn´t that endanger the success of the crusade?
What's the book on misdirection?
Can you even read
with your hands full of hate
and eyes of lead?
i´m afraid i don´t even understand half of the content you have packed into this poem, liked it though, from the punching start to the weighted end.
also, this is in fun (though it seemed quite serious to me) .. and here i am trying to flesh it apart..sorry
...
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Impressions, rather than critique.
The title and first line put me in mind of Jesus telling Peter to put away his sword (after he'd wounded an attacker with it) in Gethsemane. On the other hand, Jesus had said shortly before (at the Last Supper) that one should sell his cloak to buy a sword. Presumably that would be an AR-15 or AK-47 today... but the only weapon Jesus handled (so far as I can recall) was a banker-scattering rope... and he healed Peter's opponent.
On the whole, then, I think Jesus would raise his hands in a Mexican standoff... but not insist that his followers do the same unless it was demanded by competent temporal authority ("Caesar"). The assailant Peter wounded was something like a warrant server, in modern terms.
"Eyes of lead" is good. Jesus would certainly not allow armed force as a first resort (turn the other cheek), but would also not disallow it as the last. In modern gunfighting terminology, he'd advise "Condition Yellow" rather than "Condition White."
So the work's complaint about going around with trigger-happy leaden eyes is valid for Christians, I'd say, but the basis in "what would Jesus do" is not as strong as it might be.
Very thought-provoking: thanks for posting.
Non-practicing atheist
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Hi tigerthelion
This poem was one of those reads where I feel like a cat whose owner loves to pet him the wrong way just so the cat gets riled and claws at her, so I guess I should say it was very good?
Put Down the Gun
Can you picture Christ -I like how this poem starts out with a question.
in a Mexican standoff? (My answer: not Christ, He's God, He'd distract them with fiestas of lovely music
and long, colourful, ribboned skirts. Folks in prayer along with jobs to build a wall, because
proud, that is how He is, ultimately Jesus Christ is Lord and giver of all good things.)
proud,
proud, -these three prouds are more a spirit of ill-rebuke that hinders only the sender
in triangulated crossfire
or triune, stubborn fear? -this made me want to say, "Ask George Washington about his experiences"
Are you so cold -this could mean bitterness or a climate, regardless, it offers frustration of failed manipulation
you would not also give up your cloak
of right? -I wondered at first why the speaker uses "you" several times.
It seems more a tricky plea of letting down a gate, so maybe change of pronoun
You have become pagan might fare more effective?
in your celebrations; -I have been thinking a lot about Joseph of the OT, this too, reminded me-
a hoarder of ghosts I wondered how he faced and lived in Egypt with such contrasts of faith all around him.
crusading for heavier loin cloths
and scratching your balls all day. -as if self protection lacks femininity? or perhaps it just refers to a Tomboy
What's the book on misdirection? -This made me think of a broken compass, someone lost at sea, with little hope
of finding harbor without prayer.
Can you even read
with your hands full of hate
and eyes of lead? -this is a wonderful metaphor of sleepiness and makes me want to eat cilantro.
I like how the poem is full of questions and the reader is forced to respond at least in thought. It seems there is a grand dislike of whatever position, person, or group the poem is intended to impress. It is well written, neat, and the form and meter are perfect, but I'm not sure it convinces disarmament.
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
