It Stutters, Yet

[dukealien]

It Stutters, Yet


Our conversation stutters,
which
is not surprising, seeing
that
we're people of a certain age.

But having known each other
for
six decades, sister-brother,
we,
when one becomes uncoupled
from
a train of thought, the other
tends
to pipe up with a word for
which
the first was vainly searching---
makes
you wonder why we talk at all.

[Knot]

A nicely drawn sketch and a last line that works very well indeed.
Though having 'stutters' in both the title and first line is, I think, a negative.
The format also seems to highlight just how much is superfluous:

Our conversation stutters,
which
is [that's] not surprising, seeing
that
we're people of a certain age.

But having known each other
for
six decades, sister-brother,
we,
when one becomes uncoupled

from
a train of thought, the other
tends
to pipe up with a word for
which
the first was vainly searching ---

alternative:
[from [their] train of thought, [well]
the other tends to pipe up
with [just] the word [they wanted]]

makes
you wonder why we talk at all.

Best, Knot

[Achebe]

Hi duke - although I liked the idea behind the poem, I don't think you need so many words to expound it. It sounds rather long winded by the time you get to the otherwise nice, punchy ending.

[dukealien]

Hi duke - although I liked the idea behind the poem, I don't think you need so many words to expound it. It sounds rather long winded  by the time you get to the otherwise nice, punchy ending.

Thanks to both - caught up in the rhythm, must be more telegraphic.  Would also make the breaks seem more significant.

[vagabond]

It Stutters, Yet


Our conversation stutters,
which
is not surprising, seeing
that
we're people of a certain age.

But having known each other
for
six decades, sister-brother,
we,
when one becomes uncoupled
from
a train of thought, the other
tends
to pipe up with a word for
which
the first was vainly searching---
makes
you wonder why we talk at all.

i like this "stuttering" poem and the image it produces.
there´s a charme to people knowing/ guessing what the other is going/ trying to say.

hope you don´t mind, but had to play around with it

It Stutters, Yet


Our conversation
stutters,
which is not surprising,
seeing
that we're people of a certain age.

But having known
each other
for six decades, sister-brother,
we,
when one becomes
uncoupled
from a train of thought, the other
tends
to pipe up with a
word
for which the first was vainly
searching---
makes you wonder why we talk at all.

[dukealien]

i like this "stuttering" poem and the image it produces.
there´s a charme to people knowing/ guessing what the other is going/ trying to say.

hope you don´t mind, but had to play around with it

---

It Stutters, Yet


Our conversation
stutters,
which is not surprising,
seeing
that we're people of a certain age.

But having known
each other
for six decades, sister-brother,
we,
when one becomes
uncoupled
from a train of thought, the other
tends
to pipe up with a
word
for which the first was vainly
searching---
makes you wonder why we talk at all.

---

Like it!  Works better than what my consistency hobgoblin insisted upon.

[nibbed]

It Stutters, Yet


Our conversation stutters,
which
is not surprising, seeing
that
we're people of a certain age.

But having known each other
for
six decades, sister-brother,
we,
when one becomes uncoupled
from
a train of thought, the other
tends
to pipe up with a word for
which
the first was vainly searching---
makes
you wonder why we talk at all.




Cute poem, dukealien.
Thank you for sharing.
Is also a good reminder
to keep in touch with those we love <3


-nibbed