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11:18

11:18
Tiger the Lion Offline
The Whispered Roar
Posts: 786
Threads: 439
Joined: May 2014
#1
08-09-2017, 03:25 PM
11:18
 
what if I called now
and let it ring
 
just once—
would you dream of me?
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Thunderembargo Offline
member
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Posts: 61
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#2
08-09-2017, 11:33 PM
(08-09-2017, 03:25 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  11:18
 
what if I called now
and let it ring
 
just once—
would you dream of me?



take out the last line of the poem, it forces the title of the poem to interact with the remaining text with a heightened sense of mystery
plutocratic polyphonous pandering 
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nibbed Offline
Bumblebee belly observer
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#3
08-10-2017, 01:28 AM
a very cute little ditty,
but I would omit the now. <3

nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
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