thinking of vincent

[just mercedes]

 
 
autumn sky
full of stars
dying
 
 
http://www.vangoghgallery.com/catalog/Pa...Night.html
 

[Achebe]

I think it'd sound better as "full of dying / stars"

[just mercedes]

I think it'd sound better as "full of dying / stars"

Ah, but it's not only the stars that are dying - the narrator is as well - so is every reader 

[Todd]

I like the ending a lot. I like the dying of the stars and the dying alone by itself on the final line.

The line I'm not sure about is autumn sky. I realize that autumn looks toward winter and the death of all things. It just gives it the feel of something that lingered and then ended. Given that Van Gogh died from a gunshot wound (in the summer), his story seemed to be one that went against the expected progression of life to dying to death.

It's a relatively minor quibble because I think autumn does give you some room as a metaphor. I do really like the last two lines.

Best,

Todd

[just mercedes]

Thanks Todd. 'autumn' because to me, his massive spurt of creativity just before his death was a 'rage against the dying of the light'. His 'wheatfield with crows' for me shows his acknowledgement of the message of death crows bring. 'The sadness will last forever'. I wanted a kigo in the 'ku, and autumn was it. "we take death to reach a star." Hard to condense all of that into a few words.

[Wjames]

I think it'd sound better as "full of dying / stars"

Ah, but it's not only the stars that are dying - the narrator is as well - so is every reader 

Are you saying I'm not a star!?! At the very least, Vincent is/was. I like Achebe's idea, the line break after dying would be nice.

It's a very nice piece either way, though.

[just mercedes]

I think it'd sound better as "full of dying / stars"

Ah, but it's not only the stars that are dying - the narrator is as well - so is every reader 

Are you saying I'm not a star!?! At the very least, Vincent is/was. I like Achebe's idea, the line break after dying would be nice.

It's a very nice piece either way, though.

Of course you are a star - like a little candle, burning in the night ...

I love that about poetry - the differing views available. Your way certainly changes the 'ku.

[RiverNotch]

At first I agreed with Achebe, but I got over it, "full of dying / stars" robs it of an image. Fun fact: since it often takes thousands, even millions, of years for light to reach our planet, many of those stars may very well be dead, with only the images still living -- still dying. With the irony of Van Gogh not dying according to his season, the poem could be stretched to look at his paintings as said starlight...