Sapsimile

[dukealien]

Sapsimile


Saw sapsucker this PM -
dirty-breasted, herring-backed,
urine-yellow afterparts -
climb the oak in staggered rushes
like a wino red of head
vainly seeking dregs of muscatel
in discarded bottles.

[Lizzie]

Sapsimile


Saw sapsucker this PM -
dirty-breasted, herring-backed,
urine-yellow afterparts -
climb the oak in staggered rushes
like a wino red of head
vainly seeking dregs of muscatel -- what about chasing instead of seeking?
in discarded bottles.

I quite like it. I like the sonics of muscatel/bottles. For some reason, I keep reading urine-yellow afterPANTS, and somehow it makes a kind of sense in my head. It's probably just because I'm listening for the sap/backed assonance to continue.

[dukealien]

Sapsimile


Saw sapsucker this PM -
dirty-breasted, herring-backed,
urine-yellow afterparts -
climb the oak in staggered rushes
like a wino red of head
vainly seeking dregs of muscatel -- what about chasing instead of seeking?
in discarded bottles.

I quite like it. I like the sonics of muscatel/bottles. For some reason, I keep reading urine-yellow afterPANTS, and somehow it makes a kind of sense in my head. It's probably just because I'm listening for the sap/backed assonance to continue.

Thanks for the read.  "Chasing" could work there since sapsuckers are actually insectivores:  they do drill holes, sap runs out, and bugs come for the sap.  Then up jumps the sapsucker... chasing?  Still see seeking since the bugs are stuck in the sap like bottles in the gutter.  A matter of sound.

On the other hand, can now see why "afterparts" was chosen:  the more usual birdwatcher's term is "underparts," leading by the common OCR/human misreading to "underpants."

(Which, as everyone knows, is 75% funnier than "underwear.")  Flickers, a much larger and more attractive woodpecker known to disable spaceships, wears polka-dot bloomers... both sexes.  (No fear, though, females can be distinguished by their prominent mustaches.)

[ellajam]

Sapsimile


Saw sapsucker this PM -
dirty-breasted, herring-backed,
urine-yellow afterparts -
climb the oak in staggered rushes
like a wino red of head
vainly seeking dregs of muscatel
in discarded bottles.

I'm missing I saw a...or even Saw a... I think it would make more sense and improve the meter ans sonics, I can't reaaly see the gain in leaving them out, to imply a saw? Maybe. I also don't understand vainly, he's pretty successful, and if there are dregs to be had the wino would be too. Fun read, just picking nits like ants.

Oh, fun title, too.