Tulips (Sound poetry experimentation)

[Beardowulf]

Experimenting with sound and word meaning with this short piece. Thoughts/critique/interpretation is appreciated.

Two lips bloh eeng
a gay nst pur
mid able tear or– 

Two lips luh king
at hue man diz ass tur–

Two lips stahn ding
uh mung an en din sigh t.

[CRNDLSM]

Tough one, not quite like reading phonetics, I would almost rather see two lips spelled differently all three times. Two lips, tulips, tool ips ...

[Beardowulf]

Tough one, not quite like reading phonetics, I would almost rather see two lips spelled differently all three times.  Two lips, tulips, tool ips ...

Thanks for the input!

[CRNDLSM]

Experimenting with sound and word meaning with this short piece. Thoughts/critique/interpretation is appreciated.

Two lips bloh eengsee, the title is tulips, but every line is two lips, and this is about interpretation, so look at the first line you have 
a gay nst puryou chose to write 'a gay' even though I think most people pronounce it aginst,  so two lips blowing a gay if you read it that way.  Funny, but maybe it wouldn't be interpreted that way with another spelling of two lips
mid able tear or– this line is great 

Two lips luh king so, looking, locking, lucking I like this ambiguity and think it would be more effective without the following 'at'
at hue man diz ass tur–dis might be better than diz because its more like a real word to me like that other great line up there.

Two lips stahn ding. So the progression of spelling errors seems to get more and more broken up as it goes, I think 'ding' and 'din' are the only real words here? I guess they're all auto motto pea uhh zzz..... so as the drug stupor reaches its pass out point I think tool ips would look good here
uh mung an en din sigh t. I like mung, like dung, among an end in sight?  I don't like the lone 't' even if 'sigh' works well

Anyways I put a little more thought into it, cause it's an interesting piece

[MadelineAnne]

Experimenting with sound and word meaning with this short piece. Thoughts/critique/interpretation is appreciated.

Two lips bloh eeng -- two lips blowing
a gay nst pur -- against per-
mid able tear or– midable terror

Two lips luh king -- two lips looking
at hue man diz ass tur– at human disaster

Two lips stahn ding two lips standing
uh mung an en din sigh t. among an ending sight

Ok, I'd tried to interpret the words, let me know if I got anything wrong.

I like the image in the first stanza, because it's lip related. Lips don't look or stand, so I have trouble with the imagery in those stanzas.

I don't think permidable is a word. Did you mean permeable?

Among an ending sight confuses me too.

Over all I like the concept. I would keep the imagery lip related, though.

Hope this helps.