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Joined: Jun 2016
Truly, You Wigglethorn
amorphous the lizard tail
drags the cinnamon mound
bites greening eyes
gurgling black jasmine feet
the rrrrunchy skapcorch of leaves
at my cinders
and pop
this one thing
only
rest on holy spills, cayenne tears
reign
the bloopering abundant rebound
and cast velvet tongues
here head homey heather
ends.
(for the pure joy of the sound)
Posts: 574
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(09-03-2016, 02:06 AM)cvanshelton Wrote: Truly, You Wigglethorn
amorphous the lizard tail
drags the cinnamon mound
bites greening eyes
gurgling black jasmine feet
the rrrrunchy skapcorch of leaves
at my cinders
and pop
this one thing
only
rest on holy spills, cayenne tears
reign
the bloopering abundant rebound
and cast velvet tongues
here head homey heather
ends.
(for the pure joy of the sound)
Nonsense is fun.
Posts: 27
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(09-04-2016, 02:10 AM)Brownlie Wrote: Nonsense is fun.
Yes! Exactly so! and sometimes just the way a group of words sound together
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(09-04-2016, 03:58 AM)cvanshelton Wrote: (09-04-2016, 02:10 AM)Brownlie Wrote: Nonsense is fun.
Yes! Exactly so! and sometimes just the way a group of words sound together
Agreed.
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I think in nonsense verse you need to have some sort of rhythm or rhyme as extra compensation for the lack of sense. Otherwise, it fails to hold the reader's interest.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe
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I suppose it depends. There's a bit of rhythm here, but mostly I'm enjoying this because I'm imagining it's the Royal Tart Toter reciting this.
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(09-05-2016, 08:59 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: I suppose it depends. There's a bit of rhythm here, but mostly I'm enjoying this because I'm imagining it's the Royal Tart Toter reciting this.
I know it's not obvious...but is there the faintest, teensiest, quarkiest possibility that the friggin video had something to do with it, you think? Ha?
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe
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(09-05-2016, 08:59 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: I suppose it depends. There's a bit of rhythm here, but mostly I'm enjoying this because I'm imagining it's the Royal Tart Toter reciting this.
Oh man, that's hilarious!
(09-05-2016, 08:00 PM)Achebe Wrote: I think in nonsense verse you need to have some sort of rhythm or rhyme as extra compensation for the lack of sense. Otherwise, it fails to hold the reader's interest.
I hear what you're saying. This was written in the style of Erik Blagsvedt, a pretty amazing abstract poet.
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It is quite joyous -- loving rrrrunchy skapcorch, I can hear that very clearly.
"bloopering" ruins the end for me. It's a clumsy word and its sounds -- the oo in particular -- make it too much of a focal point against the sharp alveolar consonants (t, d) surrounding. Although there is one other b sound in that line, abundant, it's carrying a quick syllable and doesn't detract. Sound is vital when it's your primary driver. Also, reign has the only long a sound aside from the beginning amorphous and it could probably be rethought. I could pick on the overly alliterative final line but it might still work without other distractions.
It could be worse
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(09-06-2016, 05:00 AM)Leanne Wrote: It is quite joyous -- loving rrrrunchy skapcorch, I can hear that very clearly.
"bloopering" ruins the end for me. It's a clumsy word and its sounds -- the oo in particular -- make it too much of a focal point against the sharp alveolar consonants (t, d) surrounding. Although there is one other b sound in that line, abundant, it's carrying a quick syllable and doesn't detract. Sound is vital when it's your primary driver. Also, reign has the only long a sound aside from the beginning amorphous and it could probably be rethought. I could pick on the overly alliterative final line but it might still work without other distractions.
Hi Leanne! Thanks so much for taking time to read and give some feedback. I struggled for awhile with "bloopering". It's a word that makes me uncomfortable for some reason. And that discomfort fascinated me a bit. I'll play with some alternatives and see how they shake out. Cheers!
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(09-03-2016, 02:06 AM)cvanshelton Wrote: Truly, You Wigglethorn
amorphous the lizard tail Well, you've squiggled my interest, but can you mame it?
drags the cinnamon mound
bites greening eyes Grud.
gurgling black jasmine feet Very squanchy, has a nice blorp
the rrrrunchy skapcorch of leaves They do don't they
at my cinders
and pop
this one thing
only
rest on holy spills, cayenne tears 'Rests' might bramble more encirclingly
reign
the bloopering abundant rebound
and cast velvet tongues
here head homey heather
ends. Quot.
(for the pure joy of the sound)
I've enjoyed your eraserings. You may exsulp piddling with the syntax and sentence flow a gribble. Un-funkable, mis-rabbeling language spoils the juicy verbor. That being splade, you have a certain vacuole for tellingly risped audibles. Thanks for the squanch!
