He Said Six Months

[RiverNotch]

And here's some political commentary from, like, last month. Hopefully it ain't too dense or regional.

HE SAID SIX MONTHS

There's no point in getting mad,
only in getting bland.
That's right -- we're all victims here,
even the cocksuckers up top who drink blood instead of spunk
out of the bendy-straw dicks we call, what, the economy? justice? the law?
peace? security? liberty? love ---
what do you think blood tastes like, compared to spunk?
Better to wait it out -- not to hide out somewhere distant,
they are wolves -- but to weave ourselves among the lambs,
to hope that when we get that bullet to the head
(for these times, there's no aiming, only tallying)
no one sees us fall, no one stumbles upon our bodies,
no one spits on our wounds and cries out
"Murderer! Thief! Tempting Devil! Jezebel!"
as if, like Lady Macbeth, to justify their hands,
as if, like Lord Macbeth, to justify the madness.

[kolemath]

This one takes some interesting turns and is guilty of strong and provocative thoughts.  I'm interested in the connection between the speaker and the subjects of protest, as the speaker feels almost interested to experience the privldge of tasting blood. Not sure what the title has to do with anything, but maybe that's a regional reference to a specific quote or promise of a political leader.  

important to note that the main reason i take this as specifically political is thanks to the comment you wrote explaining that theme

And here's some political commentary from, like, last month. Hopefully it ain't too dense or regional.

HE SAID SIX MONTHS

There's no point in getting mad,
only in getting bland. i really like these opening lines, maybe my favorite: their slant rhyme, cynicism, acceptance of doom
That's right -- we're all victims here,
even the cocksuckers up top who drink blood instead of spunk
out of the bendy-straw dicks we call, what, the economy? justice? the law? i don't get the image but i'm not sure that's a problem
peace? security? liberty? love ---
what do you think blood tastes like, compared to spunk? a strange intersection between the frustration with and interest in those in political power; strange is good btw
Better to wait it out -- not to hide out somewhere distant,
they are wolves -- but to weave ourselves among the lambs, ineresting connection, hiding out would probably get one caught by wolves. these lines tie thought in knots
to hope that when we get that bullet to the head inevitability  
(for these times, there's no aiming, only tallying) this line slips into obscurity i have a harder time justifying when considering the other mind benders above; i can infer that politicians don't aim, only tally. this jump took some mulling though
no one sees us fall, no one stumbles upon our bodies,
no one spits on our wounds and cries out the distance of war allows complacency 
"Murderer! Thief! Tempting Devil! Jezebel!"
as if, like Lady Macbeth, to justify their hands,
as if, like Lord Macbeth, to justify the madness. interesting shift to shakespeare; the themes of the play and your poem play together well to my reading

it's a good poem with some good lines. the sections are disjointed to me, but maybe that's what you're going for. pondering the taste of blood as a complacent  victim like macbeth, i'll take it

[QDeathstar]

I think the lambs and wolves bit had been way overdone. Talking about drinking cum makes what ever point you were trying to make silly... Ending on love in the list feels tired. I guess you had to end it somewhere...

Feel like you could cut "that's right"


It's an interesting poem but I think it reads more like a rough draft. Wolves among the lambs is tired and there is no new perspective brought to it here. I also don't think the imagery there fits well with thetbe of the rest of the poem.

The poem kind of spits a lot of ideas out but I don't think the last two lines are enough to bring it back together...

[comandoartjunky]

I like that the poet breaks many rules stylistically. The beginning is very strong and well done! I agree that the wolf and lamb bit is overdone but the other parts come together well in herky-jerky way. I am very curious to know what the title is about!

[PenandPaper]

I'm a fan of the mood on this one. Its refreshing to read something more concerning to feelings and emotion, instead of perfect syntax and language we rarely use. The way the rhythm and beat of lines were disjointed added to the illusion of a rhyming commentary. Thank you for your share.

[RiverNotch]

What a fortnight, what a fortnight! Enrollment and first week of class has really robbed me of my time -- but now, I respond! I do agree that although the rhythm is nice, the images are a bit disjoint, and the commentary doesn't bring anything new to the table. I'm quite new at commenting on politics, at least when lines and images are involved, so the inconsistency. But perhaps clearer knowledge of the subject would make things gel more?
http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/794598/kill...gs-duterte
His campaign promised that in six months, drug crime would be practically eradicated, so the title, and the Macbeth reference at the end. Hmm....perhaps I can further clarify this point by adding to that whole "Jezebel" line?

And more specifically on the Death Star's part (ooh, Rogue One is coming out soon!): I'm not sure about having overdone the wolves and the lambs bit, since although it's continued in the next whole of the sentence, the focus is really not on them being wolves and lambs anymore. Ending on "love"does make things a bit, well, not tired, but silly -- while I massively disagree that cocksucking makes my whole point moot, since I'm not a square (and since the rough-hewn metaphor works, and the image draws eyes in). xP

Many, many thanks on the responses!

[Tiptoethroughthetulips]

I can appreciate the raw aggressive anger that this poem exhalts. The two last lines in particular I think are really powerful and stand out to me. Keep the poems coming. You certainly have a way with words my friend!