Oscillation

[Wjames]

The hammock doesn’t rest
with my weight on its cords
and the wind in my hair.

It’s pulled to the center
like the moon 
or a man pacing.

It sways in the sun,
sweating its mistakes
as it repeats them.

[ellajam]

Hi, WJ, very strong. I especially like L2 and the ending but the whole of it works beautifully.

The only thing I might change is I don't think you need "the floor".

like the moon
or a man pacing
or
like the moon
or a pacing man

After reading rowen's summer poem this is an image I'd rather have, repeated mistakes and all. Much enjoyed, thanks for posting it.

And I have to put my hammock on its frame today, thanks for the reminder.

The hammock doesn’t rest
with my weight on its cords
and the wind in my hair.

It’s pulled to the center
like the moon or a man
pacing the floor.

It sways in the sun,
sweating its mistakes
as it repeats them.

[Wjames]

Thank you ella, I agree about "the floor" it's not needed, and I've made the change!

[RiverNotch]

Hammocks only produce wet in the cold, when water condenses on them -- they don't sweat in the heat like, say, humans, or, fine, a cold bottle of soda. That moment, in this poem full of images that tie together both in thought and sense perfectly, sorta ruins it for me -- well, not ruins to the point of demanding a rewrite, just removes me from the serious essence of the piece. Or did you mean sweat as in puts effort into? in which case, it's much too close to the wetter sense to work, for me.

Otherwise, yeah, removing "the floor" was a good bet, and overall, lovely -- the middle triune is a blessing, and the last bit reminds me somewhat of a neat line from a song from the big chair: "We are paid by those who learn by our mistakes". And now I want to read this as a bit of political commentary, the speaker representing the rich white nations of the west, the hammock representing everyone else....

[Wjames]

Thanks for your thoughts River, the political aspect of your reading wasn't intended, but I like that it can be viewed from another perspective.

I can see your trouble with the sweat, as everything else in the poem is more or less literal imagery. I meant sweat as in the idioms: "don't sweat the small stuff", or "don't sweat it" - meaning worrying about, or stressing over. I liked it because it meant that, but sweating was also somewhat fitting to the image of sitting in the sun (although as you point out, a hammock doesn't actually sweat). I might change that word if I can think of something better.