War Games

[Leanne]

We are the genetic dispossessed,
born not of man and woman, but of graft
and gutter; we are blown upon your draft
and rooted in the mud. We manifest
in khaki dreams of dark, forbidden breast
and echo on your screens. You used to craft
a turban from a towel – oh, how you laughed
and called us names. Would you have ever guessed
that when you’d grown, the names would be the same?
But not in jest -- in ridicule and shame.
Did you imagine children in the sand
with castles made of bone, a rousing game 
of Blind Man’s Buff, or Little Lucy’s Lame?
It’s your turn at the dice: hold out your hand.

[dukealien]

Very absorbing, trying to get beyond the obvious here (BTW, never heard of Little Lucy's Lame and can't find it by Googling, but seems clear in context what kind of game it is).

The dark-light-dark progression is effective, and the turn (mid-sentence) is even more so.

The solution to the problem stated in the quatrains is fair:  having got off the boat (where, as Mahan said, who rules the sea can take as much or as little of war as he wishes), get down in the dirt, scramble, and throw the dice.  (Learning to fly the ocean meant getting off the boat - poor Lindbergh and America First.)

Though, aside, in The Game Without Rules it would be rather stupid to play with the other guy's dice.  Let's use mine - they're loaded, too, but I know which way.

Thanks!

[Leanne]

Many thanks for your thoughtful comments. I think it only fair that you load your own dice, when you consider how many other things are against us all. I am pretty sure I made up Little Lucy's Lame to fit the rhyme, but I am probably imagining the same kiind of game as you.

Come back any time. The world needs more sensitive readers.

[Achebe]

I find that such poems lose their credibility in the first person. Otherwise, a very readable piece, if faintly hysterical and chock-ful of enjambments.
Okay, I guess what I'm saying is that I don't like this one as much as your other pomes.

Edit: I interpreted this to be a take on refugees. The comment about credibility coming from a guess that very rarely would a non-native English speaking refugee be able to write the above.

[Leanne]

I work with migrants and refugees. Many of them are highly literate - doctors, lawyers, academics - and although English is their fourth or fifth language, they master it quickly. Please don't tell me you believe Murdoch media propaganda.

How hysterical do you think you'd be if the street you grew up in was reduced to rubble and your children were hunted through the streets to amuse enemy soldiers?

[Achebe]

I work with migrants and refugees. Many of them are highly literate - doctors, lawyers, academics - and although English is their fourth or fifth language, they master it quickly. Please don't tell me you believe Murdoch media propaganda.

Oh yes, many of them are likely to be highly educated, but very rarely would they be able to write at your level (that of the narrator)
Not because they're not smart, but because English is not their native language.
Jeez, if English is not your native language it's very hard impossible to write well in it, refugee or not 

How hysterical do you think you'd be if the street you grew up in was reduced to rubble and your children were hunted through the streets to amuse enemy soldiers?

you have a point, but I still think it'd work better if it were understated.

[Leanne]

If I write from the perspective of a tree, is it disingenuous because trees can't write poems?

[Achebe]

If I write from the perspective of a tree, is it disingenuous because trees can't write poems?

I think so, which is why terrible books like 'Black Beauty' aren't read any more.
Unless it's meant to be humorous, or deliberately absurd.
The willing suspension of disbelief can only go so far...

[Leanne]

I will tell my daughter you think that as a 12 year old, she's anachronistic. Shall I deliver the news in rhyming couplets?

[Achebe]

I will tell my daughter you think that as a 12 year old, she's anachronistic. Shall I deliver the news in rhyming couplets?

If she's reading Anna Sewel, tell her that in the original, the horse ended up in a charcuterie. 
Actually, don't....there's no telling what kids these days will find thrilling.
But rhyming couplets are always a good idea.

[Leanne]

So is barbecuing beloved farmyard friends. Some animals are more equal than others.

[Todd]

We are the genetic dispossessed,--would it be genetic or is more religious/philisophical
born not of man and woman, but of graft--like the sound of graft and gutter here
and gutter; we are blown upon your draft
and rooted in the mud. We manifest
in khaki dreams of dark, forbidden breast
and echo on your screens. You used to craft
a turban from a towel – oh, how you laughed--This sequence is well done. It reads naturally
and called us names. Would you have ever guessed
that when you’d grown, the names would be the same?
But not in jest -- in ridicule and shame.--Still reads well thoughout
Did you imagine children in the sand--This is favorite part a wonderful break on sand and then I love how you mix it up with castles made of bone. Very evocative
with castles made of bone, a rousing game 
of Blind Man’s Buff, or Little Lucy’s Lame?
It’s your turn at the dice: hold out your hand.

Now from reading this exchange below, 2 points:

1) There is a Poplar somewhere in Northern Montana that is allowing the wind to move it's branches to scrape words into a neighbor's trunk that is really pissed off right now. 

2) That Snowball ruins everything. Has Boxer been loaded into the wagon yet?

[Leanne]

Soldiers, civilians, talking trees, horses:  they're all knackered.

The first line was one that I'd thought of ages ago and saved.  It decided it was ready for a poem.  I have thought over the religious/philosophical thing and nearly changed it a couple of times since you mentioned it, but haven't for this reason:  these are people united by birthlines, not religion or philosophy.  Because they look a particular way, they are perceived in a particular way.  Nobody asks to see their baptism certificate or question their stance on Kant -- they see brown skin, dark hair and enemy.

[DavidF]

Hi, I really liked this.

Taking the time to enjoy it over I found I had not much to criticise that wasn't answered by more careful reading.
But the opening line leaves me a little confused still. I am not sure what the word 'genetic' is doing there.

Maybe you are inviting the comparison of genocide with displacement and I am irked that I'm only just putting that together as I type.

One other thing 'rooted in the mud', for some reason I seem to want 'root' and not 'rooted'. Can't really say why.

I would also have liked 'Would you ever have guessed' because it feels so much nicer to say and read. Again just a matter of personal prejudice, and I appreciate that 'ever have' might seem archaic.

D.
 

We are the genetic dispossessed,
born not of man and woman, but of graft
and gutter; we are blown upon your draft
and rooted in the mud. We manifest
in khaki dreams of dark, forbidden breast
and echo on your screens. You used to craft
a turban from a towel – oh, how you laughed
and called us names. Would you have ever guessed
that when you’d grown, the names would be the same?
But not in jest -- in ridicule and shame.
Did you imagine children in the sand
with castles made of bone, a rousing game 
of Blind Man’s Buff, or Little Lucy’s Lame?
It’s your turn at the dice: hold out your hand.

[Leanne]

Hi David, thanks for your comments and I'm glad it got you thinking. On your suggestions -- rooting in the mud is something pigs do. More permanent objects are rooted -- and of course mud is a bit more slippery than nice solid soil, so the foundations shift and there's not much that object can do about it. I can't change to 'would you ever have guessed' for two reasons: one, it ruins the meter and two, I just wouldn't say that. I try to write in language that I would use or it seems disingenuous to me.

I appreciate you stopping by, thanks again.

[DavidF]

Hi David, thanks for your comments and I'm glad it got you thinking.  On your suggestions -- rooting in the mud is something pigs do.  More permanent objects are rooted -- and of course mud is a bit more slippery than nice solid soil, so the foundations shift and there's not much that object can do about it. I can't change to 'would you ever have guessed' for two reasons:  one, it ruins the meter and two, I just wouldn't say that.  I try to write in language that I would use or it seems disingenuous to me.  

I appreciate you stopping by, thanks again.

Hi Leanne, that wasn't quite my meaning as regards rooted, I'm still not sure that you want to suggest rape primarily. Anyway I guess it is just a really ambiguous word for me  in terms of tense and whether or not it is being a verb. And if I read it as sexual then the word 'blown' just before it becomes inelegant, but maybe only to me.

Sorry that my dislike of the vava sound in 'have ever' made me overlook the rhythm. I actually would say 'ever have' as I am odd and mostly incapable of avoiding  seeming  disingenuous. I never managed to pick a principle camp or time from which to enlist my vernacular.

Another thing strikes me now as I continue to find the poem rewarding in terms of construction. I feel accused and somewhat unjustly. Are you really addressing yourself to power ?

Anyway thanks for the engaging read again and I hope that I have not outstayed my welcome already.

D.

[Quixilated]

According to the Dictionary:

"Rooted" used as a verb, or any other part of speech, only means variations on literal plant roots fixed to the ground, or other things being fixed as if by roots. That is the only meaning. I am unaware of any other connotations.

"Root" would refer to either an actual plant root when a noun, or when used as a verb would mean to dig things up, or unearth them, like pigs do when looking for mushrooms.

I believe you are thinking of "Rutted" which has many meanings, one of which refers to a period of sexual activity in some animals, though still not rape.

The line:
"we are blown upon your draft
and rooted in the mud."

Is a seed metaphor indicating the refugees must move to a new place not of their choosing, like a seed blown by the wind, and make a home in a new land, like a plant putting down roots in new soil. Rooted is correct here because it is actually referring to literal and metaphorical plant roots.

[DavidF]

According to the Dictionary:

"Rooted" used as a verb, or any other part of speech, only means variations on literal plant roots fixed to the ground, or other things being fixed as if by roots.  That is the only meaning.  I am unaware of any other connotations.

"Root" would refer to either an actual plant root when a noun, or when used as a verb would mean to dig things up, or unearth them, like pigs do when looking for mushrooms.

I believe you are thinking of "Rutted" which has many meanings, one of which refers to a period of sexual activity in some animals, though still not rape.  

The line:
"we are blown upon your draft
and rooted in the mud."

Is a seed metaphor indicating the refugees must move to a new place not of their choosing, like a seed blown by the wind, and make a home in a new land, like a plant putting down roots in new soil.  Rooted is correct here because it is actually referring to literal and metaphorical plant roots.

Hi it seems a little odd to still be going on given that I like the piece.

Firstly I am not aware of any publication  known as 'The Dictionary'.

Google surrendered this pretty easily.

 http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=root



we are blown on your draft
and rooted in mud

could be rendered less ambiguous (to me at least) like this,

we were blown by your draft 
then rooted in mud

but I don't know if this obscures some meaning which I have missed.

I am of course aware that this is a seed metaphor but the ambiguity of tense throws me. I prefer when things 'take root' as I dislike rooted as a present tense verb.

Thanks for your help.

D.

[Leanne]

Actually, here in Australia "root" is another word for having sex so I see where David's coming from. Also, in the vernacular if something is "rooted" it's pretty well destroyed... but I did mean it as the dictionary says, as Quix has pointed out, and definitely not as anything to do with rape. Well, definitely not literal rape.

And no, David, you have not by any means overstayed your welcome. Because I too am rather odd, discussions on semantics and semiotics and all other semi things are quite enjoyable for me. I've been writing long enough that I know how a single word choice can make all the difference.

[Leanne]

And it's present tense because it's still going on. Well, it was when I looked at Murdoch Inc last, but that's not always accurate