Thanks?

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks?

we stopped time
again
yesterday

my birthday

we danced around the depression
cut in on doubt
and celebrated now

I love you wholly

until tomorrow

[Leanne]

Liking this one, Paul. The moment is all it's possible to control sometimes. I do wonder if a bit of rearranging of the early lines might be worthwhile -- the break between again and yesterday halts the poem in the wrong place for me. You might consider how this would work instead:

we stopped time
again

yesterday
my birthday

[just mercedes]

I like this, the celebration of the 'here and now' as all that really exists. The ending feels wistful, almost. Leaves that half-sad feeling that good poetry creates.

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks ladies. I thought the abstractions in the middle section might get me into trouble. But they were right in the moment.
Paul