The Root

[Weeded]

It starts small, slowly spreading like
a bitter taste some like. Some don't.
Until a zealot makes it so
important people turn corrupt
just for a single second of
that aftertaste. It burns you numb
until you need it; once you need
it you demand it, which creates
supply essential every time
a person tastes. The zealot knows
his forte tricks like his right hand,
surrounding blind heretics with
men who need, so schismatic zeal
turns into zealots. More zealots
turn into a small annoyance
for some while others don't quite mind.

In fact, supply control is their
strength. They change worlds, all for a taste.
Addiction spreads, so they become
more. With more brings demand which brings
men power. They sit back and laugh
because they know how simple rules
create them while others remain
blind to the taste that somehow sparks
like French champagne on the mouths roof,
tickling like sensations of breath
or comfort building cellars on
gravesites and tombs. The product: all

you see. No grape just bottles full
for you. Go on and have a taste,

now tell me what you see.

[Achebe]

I just wanted to let you know that I've twice attempted to leave a detailed crit behind and twice lost my internet connection at the time of posting. Perhaps that's a sign.

[ellajam]

I just wanted to let you know that I've twice attempted to leave a detailed crit behind and twice lost my internet connection at the time of posting. Perhaps that's a sign.

when my net's wonky I copy before posting, (when I remember ), too much effort to waste.

[dukealien]

I like this one, and agree with the sentiment... which makes it a little hard to critique the craft well, but here goes.

General critique:  basically iambic tetrameter but not rigidly so, usually a comic meter in English - this might almost be too serious for it, but taken as a rap performance and without comic passages (actually a bit sardonic, in my reading) the meter fits.

A few infelicities noted below.  Hope this is mild enough - many comments, but most are basically appreciative.

It starts small, slowly spreading like
a bitter taste some like. Some don't.  Nice little turn on variant meanings of "like"
Until a zealot makes it so
important people turn corrupt  Good contre-reverte from "so" in the apparent cliche "make it so" to "so" as comparative
just for a single second of
that aftertaste. It burns you numb  Didn't like this on first reading - why like an aftertaste?  Then develops to mean numbing, answering the annoyance as if it were a question
until you need it; once you need
it you demand it, which creates
supply essential every time  I trip over "supply essential" which means, I think, demand here.  Forced by meter, or making a point?
a person tastes. The zealot knows
his forte tricks like his right hand,  "forte tricks" is good, also (to me) echoes "forty licks" or "forty whacks" - with the added virtue of internal rhyme into "blind"
surrounding blind heretics with
men who need, so schismatic zeal
turns into zealots. More zealots  Schismatic zeal actually turns into zealotry, not zealots - a forgiveable shortcut but a slight hitch, intellectually.  Also breaks the iambic here since "zealots" can't be both an iamb and a trochee in the same line (but an allowable substitution, certainly)
turn into a small annoyance  This is trochaic no matter how I try to make it iambic.  Which is fine - you're in a change-up after the last line and it's resolved in the next.  If you didn't want the change-up, it can be edited to regularize.
for some while others don't quite mind.

In fact, supply control is their  Thought at first this was a place for change - move "strength" up to this line...
strength. They change worlds, all for a taste.  but on reflection it's another contre-reverte when spoken (heard as "there").  But, IMHO, this is a place for substitution to place emphasis on "strength" which would be unstressed in iambic.  Suggest removing "all" because the line stumbles (for me) with it in there.
Addiction spreads, so they become
more. With more brings demand which brings  Similar situation to the above - can the first word be stressed more
men power. They sit back and laugh
because they know how simple rules
create them while others remain  "Others" makes me stumble here - change word to a natural iamb?
blind to the taste that somehow sparks
like French champagne on the mouths roof,  This line needs work - "mouths" needs an apostrophe, but still feels clumsy when spoken.  "French" and "the" are disposable; work in a descriptive verb like "buzzes" or "numbs," perhaps?
tickling like sensations of breath
or comfort building cellars on
gravesites and tombs. The product: all  I frankly don't get the simile here, and the rhythm is somewhat broken by "gravesites."

you see. No grape just bottles full  But the contre-reverte leap into the further choice of "all you see" as either statement or aside ("all, you see") is  very good, IMO.
for you. Go on and have a taste,

now tell me what you see.  Cute extended line break allowing reader time to quaff that introductory sample.

[Weeded]

I just wanted to let you know that I've twice attempted to leave a detailed crit behind and twice lost my internet connection at the time of posting. Perhaps that's a sign.

All good hehe I know the feeling. Sometimes my keyboard gets in the way and I press back to make it go away then poof all my crit... Gone 

---

I like this one, and agree with the sentiment... which makes it a little hard to critique the craft well, but here goes.

General critique:  basically iambic tetrameter but not rigidly so, usually a comic meter in English - this might almost be too serious for it, but taken as a rap performance and without comic passages (actually a bit sardonic, in my reading) the meter fits.

A few infelicities noted below.  Hope this is mild enough - many comments, but most are basically appreciative.

It starts small, slowly spreading like
a bitter taste some like. Some don't.  Nice little turn on variant meanings of "like"
Until a zealot makes it so
important people turn corrupt  Good contre-reverte from "so" in the apparent cliche "make it so" to "so" as comparative
just for a single second of
that aftertaste. It burns you numb  Didn't like this on first reading - why like an aftertaste?  Then develops to mean numbing, answering the annoyance as if it were a question
until you need it; once you need
it you demand it, which creates
supply essential every time  I trip over "supply essential" which means, I think, demand here.  Forced by meter, or making a point?
a person tastes. The zealot knows
his forte tricks like his right hand,  "forte tricks" is good, also (to me) echoes "forty licks" or "forty whacks" - with the added virtue of internal rhyme into "blind"
surrounding blind heretics with
men who need, so schismatic zeal
turns into zealots. More zealots  Schismatic zeal actually turns into zealotry, not zealots - a forgiveable shortcut but a slight hitch, intellectually.  Also breaks the iambic here since "zealots" can't be both an iamb and a trochee in the same line (but an allowable substitution, certainly)
turn into a small annoyance  This is trochaic no matter how I try to make it iambic.  Which is fine - you're in a change-up after the last line and it's resolved in the next.  If you didn't want the change-up, it can be edited to regularize.
for some while others don't quite mind.

In fact, supply control is their  Thought at first this was a place for change - move "strength" up to this line...
strength. They change worlds, all for a taste.  but on reflection it's another contre-reverte when spoken (heard as "there").  But, IMHO, this is a place for substitution to place emphasis on "strength" which would be unstressed in iambic.  Suggest removing "all" because the line stumbles (for me) with it in there.
Addiction spreads, so they become
more. With more brings demand which brings  Similar situation to the above - can the first word be stressed more
men power. They sit back and laugh
because they know how simple rules
create them while others remain  "Others" makes me stumble here - change word to a natural iamb?
blind to the taste that somehow sparks
like French champagne on the mouths roof,  This line needs work - "mouths" needs an apostrophe, but still feels clumsy when spoken.  "French" and "the" are disposable; work in a descriptive verb like "buzzes" or "numbs," perhaps?
tickling like sensations of breath
or comfort building cellars on
gravesites and tombs. The product: all  I frankly don't get the simile here, and the rhythm is somewhat broken by "gravesites."

you see. No grape just bottles full  But the contre-reverte leap into the further choice of "all you see" as either statement or aside ("all, you see") is  very good, IMO.
for you. Go on and have a taste,

now tell me what you see.  Cute extended line break allowing reader time to quaff that introductory sample.

Duke,
Thanks for the feedback! I'm sorry to ask this, but what is contre-reverte? I tried to figure out myself but nothing appeared in google search 

And this is actually one of my first poems where I tried to focus entirely on meter, I had no idea iambic tetrameter is normally for more comic stuff, so I think that'll be the first thing to change, thanks for pointing that out. Your crit is spot on, you've given alot for me to work on, thanks very much
mike

[dukealien]

Ack!    Pardon my French, as the saying goes.  I meant contre-rejet, that is, continuing from one line to the next, but with a twist.  Example,

You know that I always lie
on the couch right after lunch
about my bridge master points
and golf handicap because
it's so comfortable to lie there.

With that, what I mean is that in several places you did this in a pleasing and effective way.

As I understand it, iambic pentameter for serious and tetrameter for comic poetry (see, for example, "Casey at the Bat") is a tendency of the language rather than a Rule.  In English, eight syllables is apparently about right for a gag with the extra two lending an air of dignity.  Sometimes.  Usually?  Maybe.

[aschueler]

I wanted to read this more before critiquing, but my internet is up and I am between fevers with this viral illness we have all been enjoying.  

I enjoyed your lil' poem a lot.  Had to work to find rough edges to improve.

It starts small, slowly spreading like
a bitter taste some like. Some don't.Very nice opening.  Made me think of IPA beer.
Until a zealot makes it so
important people turn corrupt
just for a single second of
that aftertaste. It burns you numb
until you need it; once you need
it you demand it, which creates   These 2 lines are a weakness, "creates supply essential" is awkward and loses inertia
supply essential every time
a person tastes. The zealot knows
his forte tricks like his right hand,
surrounding blind heretics with
men who need, so schismatic zeal  This should be good, but I it's too much of the word zeal/zealot at this point;  drop the zeal and try something else;  need?thirst? 
turns into zealots. More zealots
turn into a small annoyance
for some while others don't quite mind.  This last sentence is a little confusing but I don't mind it.

In fact, supply control is their
strength. They change worlds, all for a taste.
Addiction spreads, so they become
more. With more brings demand which brings
men power. They sit back and laugh
because they know how simple rules
create them while others remain
blind to the taste that somehow sparks
like French champagne on the mouths roof,  Somewhat obvious inversion for meter
tickling like sensations of breath
or comfort building cellars on
gravesites and tombs. The product: all

you see. No grape just bottles full
for you. Go on and have a taste,

now tell me what you see.  Ending could use a little more punch

[REW]

It starts small, slowly spreading like
a bitter taste some like. Some don't.
Until a zealot makes it so
important people turn corrupt
just for a single second of
that aftertaste. It burns you numb
until you need it; once you need
it you demand it, which creates
supply essential every time
a person tastes. The zealot knows
his forte tricks like his right hand,
surrounding blind heretics with
men who need, so schismatic zeal
turns into zealots. More zealots  I am not sure what you mean here and think this could be cut or the transition to the infection could be done differently???

turn into a small annoyance

for some while others don't quite mind.

In fact, supply control is their
strength. They change worlds, all for a taste.
Addiction spreads, so they become
more. With more brings demand which brings
men power. They sit back and laugh
because they know how simple rules
create them while others remain
blind to the taste that somehow sparks
like French champagne on the mouths roof,
tickling like sensations of breath
or comfort building cellars on
gravesites and tombs. The product: all

you see. No grape just bottles full
for you. Go on and have a taste,

now tell me what you see.  I think you could cut this line or change it.  One thing I am thinking is not everyone who has a taste is going to succumb.  Wouldn't some just spit it out?  Or maybe this poem is directed at a specific person or type of person?

It is difficult for me to critique this but am having a go even though I am out of my comfort zone...

I feel as though these zealots fizzle and froth.  You sort of hinted at that with the French champagne with the tickle, but you never really reached popping fizzling froth and those corks that fly off like missiles--or maybe I am envisioning differently.  I like how this has a punch.  I think it could potentially be more hateful.