Me in You

[blackeagle]

Burning and dusty
Cold and treacherous
Thirsty and Salty
I searched for me in you
There I am;
In the center of void

[Julius]

I can see the idea. However for the poem to work I would suggest some better linkages in the first two lines.
It is not easy to suggest alternatives but perhaps:-
Burning with fever
Freezing to numbness,

[UselessBlueprint]

Maybe it's just me, but I really just see a list of adjectives with no corresponding nouns, followed by a "void." It doesn't create anything very poetic to me.

[billy]

what are you trying to say?

[blackeagle]

what are you trying to say?

Hi...
it is like we have profiles of others in us. This is the search of his life/love through a painful reasoning process he goes though within him. i.e. to find himself within herself residing within him.

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I can see the idea. However for the poem to work I would suggest some better linkages in the first two lines.
It is not easy to suggest alternatives but perhaps:-
Burning with fever
Freezing to numbness,

Aha that's lovely...thanks Julius

here i want to bring dusty = "tiered / hectic" something similar to person lost in the middle of a desert
and treacherous = "dangerous" like a person climbing a mountain where he can easily loose him self.

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Maybe it's just me, but I really just see a list of adjectives with no corresponding nouns, followed by a "void." It doesn't create anything very poetic to me.

oopsss...ha ha....thanks UselessBlueprint...i get yo point...i put some thoughts, like what i originally had in mind as a reply to billy's post.You guys advice would be a really great learning experience and to fine tune things i had in my mind.

Thanks heaps. ><