~ Cold Walls ~

[emmamc_squared]

I like the second and fourth stanzas in particular. Maybe because I feel like I can relate to the message of your poem in this stage of my life, but I digress :P
The line ending in "agony" seems out of place. I think it's the rhyme scheme, I would try to edit this line a bit to say something similar, perhaps ending in the same way "thing" does.
I also like how the lines in the first stanza are so brief. It allows you to really effectively build emotion in your poem later on by lengthening and complicating the symbolism.

[thepoorfortune]

I agree. Agony has too many syllables. Maybe finding a good synonym would help to condense that line. Also, the line "Now that fire has been hit by a storm" is a bit elongated. Looking at the line after that one, you could assume that it's pretty long too, but the syllables fit much better. I would consider modifying the former line to be more like the latter. Additionally, the line "I hide under my cold blanket, every single night," would really resonate well with the line after if the word single were omitted. Finally the last line is a bit long too; I would consider breaking it up. It would mess with your 4 stanzas of 4 lines, but I think it would flow better. Say:

"I can lay here,
and think about us together."

On a more positive note, this poem has a very nice gloomy tone. The imagery and sensations are very emotional and easy for your audience to receive. The temperature motif is used very well and your romantic emotion is very enjoyable. Great work!

[Proze]

Yep, second stanza hit close to home. I remember this feeling all too well. Good job capturing the emotion.

Now that the fire has been hit by a storm

I would add that ^^

Last line:

I can lay here and think about us together.

I would remove the word "together."

Thank you for the feels!

[the man with the spoon]

Wrote this a long time ago, and brought it from the dead because me and my friend were talking about things we've wrote.
I'm no grammar perfectionist and rather focus on the story to be honest, but I still want to hear what you guys thought! Thanks!

These walls are cold,
Although it's spring.
Trapped in this winter,
Seeking some heat.

I once was warm beneath your sleeve,
Even if if was negative 20 degrees.
Now that fire has been hit by a storm
And that warmth is extinguished by the ice cold breeze.

Although it may seem like a terrible thing ,
I've found a solution to heal my agony.
I hide under my cold blanket, every single night,
To heal my burns from the scorching light.

It may hurt now,
It may hurt forever,
But as long as I've got this blanket,
I can lay here and think about us together.

touching poem, but however there are a few issues i see, the story has good flow, but when i get about 2/3 through it you bring in this "blanket", and you end the poem with this "blanket", my thoughts are if you are gonna try to hit home hard with the blanket try to incorporate it earlier. also id switch the line "i hide under my cold blanket" to "i hide under our cold blanket" let the readers see that connection more literally before you bring in figurative relations. this poem does have a lot of potential and im sure with a bit of work it can be improved a lot

[John1865]

Although I cannot relate in my personal experience to theme of lost love, I do have an emotional reaction to the poem. Have you thought of using a rhyme scheme, particularly for your first and fourth stanza, for it seem as though, both in their lengths and their overall themes, area bit different. This is just a suggestion, and perhaps your composition wouldn't be aided by such a scheme. Now onto line by line.

1. These walls are cold,
   
2. Although it's spring.
   
3. Trapped in this winter,
   
4. Seeking some heat.
   
5. I once was warm beneath your sleeve,
   
6. Even if if was negative 20 degrees.
   
7. Now that fire has been hit by a storm
   
8. And that warmth is extinguished by the ice cold breeze.
   
9. Although it may seem like a terrible thing ,
   
10. I've found a solution to heal my agony.
    
11. I hide under my cold blanket, every single night,
    
12. To heal my burns from the scorching light.
    
13. It may hurt now,
    
14. It may hurt forever,
    
15. But as long as I've got this blanket,
    
16. I can lay here and think about us together.
    

1. What are "these walls"? What are they made of? Are they thick or are they thin? Yellow or Blue? How long have they been there? Of, you do not mean literal walls, but use it a metaphorical sense. Nonetheless, asking and answering these questions may allow to break from the relatively cliched line you have here.

6. Minor: "even if it was"

1-16: You are fond, I very much think, of the word it. I am not entirely sure why this is, but I would reckon that your fondness of it is due to the fact that "it" can be an easy concretion of some abstraction. However, in doing so, we become lost as to what "it" is, and the poem loses some of its punch.

Ultimately, I think you have got a good start going here. In writing of love, lost and unrequited, you have entered into the most crowded of the poetic fields (but one, I think, that produces some of the greatest and most gorgeous of compositions). With a rewrite and edit, you can certainly rid yourself of the cliches and the ambiguity, and make a more pronounced print on this poetic field! 

[Moonstruck1]

1 These walls are cold,
2 Although it's spring.
3 Trapped in this winter,
4 Seeking some heat.

5 I once was warm beneath your sleeve,
6 Even if if was negative 20 degrees.
7 Now that fire has been hit by a storm
8 And that warmth is extinguished by the ice cold breeze.

9 Although it may seem like a terrible thing ,
10 I've found a solution to heal my agony.
11 I hide under my cold blanket, every single night,
12 To heal my burns from the scorching light.

13 It may hurt now,
14 It may hurt forever,
15 But as long as I've got this blanket,
16 I can lay here and think about us together.

I for one enjoy the story side of poetry most, so I appreciate this piece for what it is. I can relate to the emotions.

In my opinion, the simple wording you used is perfectly fine. I'm not an English expert and often feel like I need a dictionary every time I try to read poetry, so it was nice being able to understand clearly what you were trying to say here.
That said, using more descriptive terms other than "it" in a few places, such as 9, 13 and 14.
Additionally, although this is written from your point of view, "I, I've, my" are used a bit too generously. (5, 10-12, 15, 16) One thing I was told when I first started was to write for three months, without using the words "I, me, my, mine". I'm still very much a beginner, but that advice has helped me look at describing events or feelings in different ways.

Good luck to you!