Posts: 37
Threads: 8
Joined: Dec 2014
I want to feel nothing but hurt in my heart,
I want to be nothing but desperate,
I want to be an actor in some tragic play,
and,
I want the world to watch as I forget the lines.
I want the bones in my body to break and crumble,
I want the teeth in my mouth to rot deep from the roots,
I want the worms in the soil to wriggle through my skin,
and,
I want the world to watch as I decompose.
-BW BRINE
Posts: 1,325
Threads: 82
Joined: Sep 2013
(10-28-2015, 02:11 AM)BW BRINE Wrote: I want to feel nothing but hurt in my heart,
I want to be nothing but desperate,
I want to be an actor in some tragic play,
and,
I want the world to watch as I forget the lines.
I want the bones in my body to break and crumble,
I want the teeth in my mouth to rot deep from the roots,
I want the worms in the soil to wriggle through my skin,
and,
I want the world to watch as I decompose.
-BW BRINE
Well, the world's usually too busy with their own stuff to bother, and even when they choose to watch they usully move on the next day. 
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
Posts: 37
Threads: 8
Joined: Dec 2014
(10-28-2015, 03:04 AM)ellajam Wrote: (10-28-2015, 02:11 AM)BW BRINE Wrote: I want to feel nothing but hurt in my heart,
I want to be nothing but desperate,
I want to be an actor in some tragic play,
and,
I want the world to watch as I forget the lines.
I want the bones in my body to break and crumble,
I want the teeth in my mouth to rot deep from the roots,
I want the worms in the soil to wriggle through my skin,
and,
I want the world to watch as I decompose.
-BW BRINE
Well, the world's usually too busy with their own stuff to bother, and even when they choose to watch they usully move on the next day.
they could record it. maybe do a time-lapse of the decomposition?
-BW
Posts: 1,325
Threads: 82
Joined: Sep 2013
(10-28-2015, 03:06 AM)BW BRINE Wrote: (10-28-2015, 03:04 AM)ellajam Wrote: (10-28-2015, 02:11 AM)BW BRINE Wrote: I want to feel nothing but hurt in my heart,
I want to be nothing but desperate,
I want to be an actor in some tragic play,
and,
I want the world to watch as I forget the lines.
I want the bones in my body to break and crumble,
I want the teeth in my mouth to rot deep from the roots,
I want the worms in the soil to wriggle through my skin,
and,
I want the world to watch as I decompose.
-BW BRINE
Well, the world's usually too busy with their own stuff to bother, and even when they choose to watch they usully move on the next day.
they could record it. maybe do a time-lapse of the decomposition?
-BW
You could arrange that yourself, become a youtube hit, shame you'll never know it.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
Posts: 751
Threads: 408
Joined: May 2014
Hey BW. Interesting bit of self-loathing. Unless you are in love with the repetition of "I want", I think you could crop a bunch of them and let the punctuation do the work, leaving a more compact piece. I will try to illustrate below, though not a specific suggestion.
(10-28-2015, 02:11 AM)BW BRINE Wrote: I want to feel nothing but hurt in my heart,
I want to be nothing but desperate,
I want to be an actor in some tragic play,
and,
I want the world to watch as I forget the lines.
I want the bones in my body to break and crumble,
I want the teeth in my mouth to rot deep from the roots,
I want the worms in the soil to wriggle through my skin,
and,
I want the world to watch as I decompose.
-BW BRINE
I'm not sure if that's helpful, but I thought it was worth considering.
Paul
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