Looking out

[justlikeyou]

[justlikeyou]

Nice pic! WoW people still use polaroids.

Thanks. 

No, its a photo program that makes it look like a polaroid :-)

[rayheinrich]

I like this one, especially the "air" - "pour" - "wet" associations.
The imagery*  is wonderful.

It makes me happy to see someone else interested in creating poems
incorporating visual elements. Why don't people do this more often?
Can never figure this one out, seems a natural.

Haiku have traditionally been incorporated into paintings:

There's even a name for it: (from Wiki)

Haiga is a style of Japanese painting typically painted by haiku poets, and often accompanied
by a haiku poem. Like the poetic form, haiga is based on simple, yet often profound, observations
of the everyday world. Stephen Addiss points out that "since they are both created with the same
brush and ink, adding an image to a haiku poem was [...] a natural activity."

Buson incorporated this haiku of his:

a Little Cuckoo
across
a Hydrangea

into this painting of his:

*Of course I'm biased, as my poems almost always contain photos/graphics.

Nice pic! WoW people still use polaroids.

My sister still does. She has a Polaroid SX-70 camera and uses newly-manufactured
film made by a company called "The-Impossible-Project". Their B+W film (they also
make color) is deep, rich, beautiful stuff. They make an attachment so you can make
prints from an IPhone, AND they make 8x10 film! I have seen examples of the original
Polaroid 8x10 film in photographic galleries. The detail is finer than your eye could ever
hope to see.

[justlikeyou]

I like this one, especially the "air" - "pour" - "wet" associations.
The imagery*  is wonderful.

It makes me happy to see someone else interested in creating poems
incorporating visual elements. Why don't people do this more often?
Can never figure this one out, seems a natural.

Haiku have traditionally been incorporated into paintings:

There's even a name for it: (from Wiki)

Haiga is a style of Japanese painting typically painted by haiku poets, and often accompanied
by a haiku poem. Like the poetic form, haiga is based on simple, yet often profound, observations
of the everyday world. Stephen Addiss points out that "since they are both created with the same
brush and ink, adding an image to a haiku poem was [...] a natural activity."

Buson incorporated this haiku of his:

a Little Cuckoo
across
a Hydrangea

into this painting of his:

*Of course I'm biased, as my poems almost always contain photos/graphics.

Nice pic! WoW people still use polaroids.

My sister still does. She has a Polaroid SX-70 camera and uses newly-manufactured
film made by a company called "The-Impossible-Project". Their B+W film (they also
make color) is deep, rich, beautiful stuff. They make an attachment so you can make
prints from an IPhone, AND they make 8x10 film! I have seen examples of the original
Polaroid 8x10 film in photographic galleries. The detail is finer than your eye could ever
hope to see.

I agree. I've loved photography like...forever. When I discovered haiku last month and realized that it was a verbal photograph, it just seemed a natural fit. I'm slowly getting the haiku thing down, thanks to all the good critiques I've been getting. I'm looking forward to being able to produce good haiga as time goes by as that seems to be most natural to me. Thanks a bunch for the kind words!

[RiverNotch]

I like this one. You really do seem to be getting the hang of this The last two lines feel too repetitive (pours and wet implying each other, I mean) without being a reinforcement of a real turn, though. I would suggest something other than wet, instead: there's something very specific about that shower's season to me, but of course you were the one who had the experience. Other than that, this is tight, tangible, and there's a much stronger hit of thought without having actually been thought of (no metaphors that are metaphors, I mean), and the picture works much better here, with the polaroid effect enhancing the immediacy.

[justlikeyou]

I like this one. You really do seem to be getting the hang of this The last two lines feel too repetitive (pours and wet implying each other, I mean) without being a reinforcement of a real turn, though. I would suggest something other than wet, instead: there's something very specific about that shower's season to me, but of course you were the one who had the experience. Other than that, this is tight, tangible, and there's a much stronger hit of thought without having actually been thought of (no metaphors that are metaphors, I mean), and the picture works much better here, with the polaroid effect enhancing the immediacy.

Yes, things been a click'n in my head about this stuff. 

I agree about pours and wet. I see now that part two of the haiku should not be directly related to part two, should be a spearate concrete image from the whole however. "this wet morning" would have been enough, no?

Thank you for your comments 

[just mercedes]

You've used three adjectives in your haiku. They weaken it.

There's no 'Aha!' moment for me, no change of direction or pivot.

[Clarko]

I like this. Works well with the photo. I might modify it slightly though. I think "Over my bare feet" could end with exclamation... "Over my bare feet!" like "over my dead body!" and the last line may be stronger with a contradiction, possibly "this moonlit morning."

[rayheinrich]

While we usually think of haiku as having a surprise or using few adjectives
and adverbs, there are many that don't have the first and possess the last.  
Haiku are really hard to pin down.

The only word that you might remove is "bare", though I like it better un-removed.
Taking out either "pour" or "wet" robs the haiku of its pivot because the two parts
in this haiku are formed by the comparison of air to water: That air, like water, "pours".

over my bare feet
refreshed air pours
this wet morning

And on haiku in general:
The two parts of a haiku are directly related. The second part can be a (hopefully
surprising) result of the first, a comparison, the answer to the riddle the first part posed, or
just an elaboration of the first part.

Some examples of subtle pivot points by Basho: (one of the three [or five] greatest haiku masters)

In the cicada's cry
No sign can foretell
How soon it must die.

No one travels
Along this way but I,
This autumn evening.

In all the rains of May
there is one thing not hidden -
the bridge at Seta Bay.

Clouds appear
and bring to men a chance to rest
from looking at the moon.

No blossoms and no moon,
and he is drinking sake
all alone!

The first soft snow!
Enough to bend the leaves
Of the jonquil low.

all above by Basho


The generally accepted great masters of haiku (though some omit Shiki as too "modern" and
Sojun as being "pre-haiku" ):

Ikkyu Sojun    (1394-1481)
Matsuo Basho (1644 - 1694)
Yosa Buson (1716 - 1784)
Kobayashi Issa (I763 - 1827)
Masaoka Shiki. (1867 - 1902)

Google them; good examples are the best way to figure haiku out.

[RiverNotch]

I like this one. You really do seem to be getting the hang of this The last two lines feel too repetitive (pours and wet implying each other, I mean) without being a reinforcement of a real turn, though. I would suggest something other than wet, instead: there's something very specific about that shower's season to me, but of course you were the one who had the experience. Other than that, this is tight, tangible, and there's a much stronger hit of thought without having actually been thought of (no metaphors that are metaphors, I mean), and the picture works much better here, with the polaroid effect enhancing the immediacy.

Yes, things been a click'n in my head about this stuff. 

I agree about pours and wet. I see now that part two of the haiku should not be directly related to part two, should be a spearate concrete image from the whole however. "this wet morning" would have been enough, no?

Thank you for your comments 

it's not that the two words are related, it's just that, at least for me, they feel redundant. I think the picture and the word 'refreshed' already effectively show the wetwork of the last line, so that the word 'wet' just ends up being an explicit show of what's already said, and the way it shows it doesn't really feel or run like anything, to me (i mean, neither scene nor feeling is that wet--perhaps if there was a flood). there's something else, here, that's more worthy of being said than the total unity of the waters, but that's up to you.
nevertheless, even without the big surprise, you're very close here to a total experience, at least with the added context of the picture. and ray, those basho ones are really, really beautiful, though it's kinda hard to read them all in one go -- hard to travel through so many places in a minute.