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Threads: 232
Joined: Oct 2012
Hand prints briefly fog the glass,
as the child peers in and points,
ready to tantrum his demands.
It used to be easy
getting what was given.
I can see them on the window sill
wrapped in brown paper,
Standard dark blue,
not to be opened.
I did my best
not to explode.
As the hand prints fade
dad digs deeper,
the boy turns to comics
already thinking of sweets.
When the fifth comes
the event will be organised
trying to get junior
to put his coat on.
I don't blame him
he hasn't collected wood,
fought off raids,
set his hair on fire,
siphoned petrol from a neighbours car
or asked a penny for the guy.
So why, would he care?
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
Posts: 444
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Joined: Nov 2011
And yes, why would he care?
It doesn't get any more poignantly existential than this.
Beautiful.
Especially:
"I can see them on the window sill
wrapped in brown paper,
Standard dark blue,
not to be opened."
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
Posts: 42
Threads: 15
Joined: Mar 2014
I most always like your stuff. You got that weird psycho creative element. This one in the middle of the pack. That other one the other day...what was that? lol I forgive you.
I bet you could write a great poem about a serial killer. I mean it. In your weird subtle way I bet you could pull it off masterfully without the reader *quite* realizing who/what they are encountering...until it's too late.
Get on it. lol
You can't hate me more than I hate myself. I win.
"When the spirit of justice eloped on the wings
Of a quivering vibrato's bittersweet sting."
just mercedes
Unregistered
I love the focus you use - hand print on glass - ephemeral
the contrast to your son's attitude - someone said 'poignant' but it's slightly more bitter than that.
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Nice one Keith, I LOVE the imagery, and also the, "but he hasn't collected wood/fought off raids/etc...."
Free verse poetry and jazz are like brother and sister.
Posts: 865
Threads: 232
Joined: Oct 2012
(09-19-2015, 02:17 PM)rayheinrich Wrote: And yes, why would he care?
It doesn't get any more poignantly existential than this.
Beautiful.
Especially:
"I can see them on the window sill
wrapped in brown paper,
Standard dark blue,
not to be opened."
Yes Ray, it seems I notice the differences more these days, must be getting old I guess. Thanks for reading Keith
(09-19-2015, 04:29 PM)NobodyNothing Wrote: I most always like your stuff. You got that weird psycho creative element. This one in the middle of the pack. That other one the other day...what was that? lol I forgive you.
I bet you could write a great poem about a serial killer. I mean it. In your weird subtle way I bet you could pull it off masterfully without the reader *quite* realizing who/what they are encountering...until it's too late.
Get on it. lol
Ha Ha, its good that you can give me a scale to work on
as for Serial killers....you really wouldn't want me to go there. Thanks NN much appreciate Keith.
(09-19-2015, 05:39 PM)just mercedes Wrote: I love the focus you use - hand print on glass - ephemeral
the contrast to your son's attitude - someone said 'poignant' but it's slightly more bitter than that.
Hi Mercede, Thank you for your kind comments, yes I suppose there is a bitterness to this because I feel large parts of growing up are being deleted by time spent on devices. I could well be deluded.
(09-20-2015, 08:36 AM)peacejazzspirit Wrote: Nice one Keith, I LOVE the imagery, and also the, "but he hasn't collected wood/fought off raids/etc...."
Hi PJS thanks for your comments, you pick out the core of the poem.
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
