No Eyes to The Abyssal Zone

[Animal Riots Activist]

No Eyes to The Abyssal Zone.

Monday knights fight Tuesdays never-ending; they
run strafing runs down submerged residential blocks
in the middle of the night. And the sun never rises;
they’re in a fish-tank looking at the surface.

And the rafters on the surface look like eclipses, and
the man-o-war and manatee birds, without wing-
beats, just contrast leviathans casually sliding
their way off into the humming blue crush.

And an unremarkable Sunday snowset rises from
the sea floor, all while naïve skin flakes
float down to feed all the bottom-scummer
weakdays that slither on the plastic pebbles;

there,   if they dug beneath the rocks,  they’d find the sand had turned to glass.

[Brownlie]

Ok, here we go then. 

No Eyes to The Abyssal Zone.

Monday knights fight Tuesdays never-ending; they -- I'm trying to figure out what the implications are of metaphorical Monday knights fighting Tuesday's never-endings or never ending Tuesdays. Not sure on the line break at they, I guess it's ok.
run strafing runs down submerged residential blocks -- You might be able to get away with the repetition of run because it apparently has the longest entry in the OED. 
in the middle of the night. And the sun never rises;
they’re in a fish-tank looking at the surface.

And the rafters on the surface look like eclipses, and -- Not sure about the sentence/ transition here starting with "And". Interesting imagery here, though. I suppose looking up from inside a fish-tank could look like an eclipse.
the man-o-war and manatee birds, without wing- -- Not sure what a manatee bird, could be something though.
beats, just contrast leviathans casually sliding
their way off into the humming blue crush. -- I  assume you meant blue crush as metonymic way of referring to the ocean. I guess you want to be getting the most out of this last phrase because it's the end of a stanza. So I guess you could consider if blue crush does that.

And an unremarkable Sunday snowset rises from -- Ok, I thought a sunset looked like it was going down into the ocean. How could a snowset, in the ocean or another sea, rise? Maybe you meant to have the question in there, not sure.
the sea floor, all while naïve skin flakes
float down to feed all the bottom-scummer
weakdays that slither on the plastic pebbles;

there,   if they dug beneath the rocks,  they’d find the sand had turned to glass. -- Not sure about this ending it seems like it was done quickly. I wouldn't really change the fairly regularized stanzas so quickly unless it's a thought out decision that you think really benefits the poem. 

I'll give you a brazen suggestion for the sake of critique. Why not call the poem Fish-tank, and make the thing about a fish-tank or the word fish-tank. I'm not sure how the days of the week are working here, but a large part of the poem seems to about inside water. Maybe providing a concise topic will improve things here.

[fluorescent.43]

No Eyes to The Abyssal Zone.

Monday knights fight Tuesday[']s never-ending; they i think it would make more sense if it were 'Monday's knights'-- also, ending the line on 'they' makes no sense.
run strafing runs down submerged residential blocks if you removed 'strafing' (get what you're trying to say, but it doesn't quite go with 'runs') it'd just be 'run runs' which isn't really great. maybe  i like 'submerged residential blocks' though; good imagery.
in the middle of the night. And the sun never rises; would 'the midnight' be better than 'the middle of the night'?
they’re in a fish-tank looking at the surface. who's they? the knights? bit vague, but lovely image.

And the rafters on the surface look like eclipses, and
the man-o-war and manatee birds no comma needed without wing-[beats]
beats, just contrast leviathans casually sliding get what you're trying to say but it's wordy and convoluted here.
their way off into the humming blue crush.  uh, what just happened in this stanza?-- and, do you mean hummingbird blue crush?--either way, the adjectives don't make sense.

And an unremarkable Sunday snowset rises from is unremarkable really necessary?
the sea floor, all while naïve skin flakes naive really does not fit skin flakes. but it's interesting to say the least.
float down to feed all the bottom-scummer personal nitpick: should it be bottom scum?
weakdays that slither on the plastic pebbles; is that a pun i sense?--personally, i don't like puns in serious poetry. otherwise, i like this line. original and non-cliché, although confusing.

there,   if they dug beneath the rocks,  they’d find the sand had turned to glass. why the spaces? i don't mind, but it seems an odd choice.

i like.

it could use some cleaning up and rearranging of sentence structure (as you probably know and as every poem does) and clarification of the ideas raised. you mention knights in the first stanza, fish tanks and odd creatures (without wing-beats, mind you ) in the second, and then the sea in the third. the common thread sort-of tying them together is the mentioning of the weekdays, which i don't fully understand. i think you have some lovely imagery going on (first two lines of the third stanza i particularly like), and the title seems to be referring the bottom of the sea-- so where do the knights come into play?

even so, i think this is good, confusing for not. makes for a fun read. good luck for your next edit (if you intend to do so).

43.