Ex-pat. (Julian 194?-2014)

[tectak]

Ex-pat fantasy, Indonesian bar.
Work away, play away, money turns to gin.
Fast sex, Rolex, ting-tong brides.
Fly back, cry back, wife gone away.
English beer, nothing here, fly back again.

Contract ends, got no friends, phone the agency.
Wait a day, start to pray, write a letter home.
Wait a week, start to freak, drink in bed alone.
Legs swell, feel unwell, temperature high.
Insects bite, hot nights, death a dream away.

Call home, “Hate you all, God fuck the Queen.
England, not my land, bastards…everyone.”
Head gone, house gone, nothing there but rain.
Monsoon, empty room, glasses lost again.
Fall down stairs, no one cares, found next day.

Next of kin disowned him, address not known.
ICU, just pulls through, insurance not enough.
Madness mauls, another fall…hit by a cab.
One more call, not him at all.
Ex-pat died today.

tectak
2015

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Tom-

Good story: beginning, middle, end-- all there.

Since I'm no grammarian I don't care that there are many probable sentence fragments, as the terseness of the tale moves it along quite nicely.

The only minor issue I have is the very end: "not him at all". I know that there is the implied phone call to inform the reader of the death, but "not him at all" came up a tad short (compared to the rest of the near perfect blitz style of this piece).

The poem is so full of images as to be almost overwhelming. In lesser hands this could easily have been a train wreck. Another fine example from you as to how to tell a story in a poem. In fact, you seem to know so much about this person that it reads like a (fictional) bio. But of course, it couldn't be your real and complete story, because you'd be dead and unable to tell it. That adds sort of a brain twist to it, which I also like.

OK- enough smoke up the ass blowing from me...
... Mark

[tectak]

Hey Tom-

Good story: beginning, middle, end-- all there.  

Since I'm no grammarian I don't care that there are many probable sentence fragments, as the terseness of the tale moves it along quite nicely.

The only minor issue I have is the very end: "not him at all".  I know that there is the implied phone call to inform the reader of the death, but "not him at all" came up a tad short (compared to the rest of the near perfect blitz style of this piece).

The poem is so full of images as to be almost overwhelming.  In lesser hands this could easily have been a train wreck.  Another fine example from you as to how to tell a story in a poem.   In fact, you seem to know so much about this person that it reads like a (fictional) bio.  But of course, it couldn't be your real and complete story, because you'd be dead and unable to tell it.  That adds sort of a brain twist to it, which I also like.

OK- enough smoke up the ass blowing from me...
... Mark

Veracity verse.
Terse verse.
Hearse verse.

Thanks Mark,
tectak

[Mark A Becker]

A bit of a note and a little more smoke-

Excellent examples of internal rhyming within this piece.

Readers take note of how that helps move the poem along...

Done now, before smoke catches fire...
... Mark