Their Thoughts

[Mr. Creosote]

Their Thoughts

My thoughts belong to others
I own only a subscription
My head reproduces the past
I whisper footnotes after I speak
The great men of the past speak through me
I try to hide from them
They are leather bound black and white ghosts
They haunt my writing

[FindingJune]

I really enjoy the idea you have here. However, being an imagery junkie, I wish it had more. You repeat several words like "past", "speak", and "they", I would tweak those a bit. In such a short piece, the repetition of those just make it feel bland.

[Magpie]

Mr. Creosote,

An interesting short piece you've got here that I'm reading as a comment on originality, I've left a couple of thoughts below.

Their Thoughts

My thoughts belong to others
I own only a subscription --- 'I own' seems to be at odds with the statement on the previous line, is 'subscription' the right word choice?
My head reproduces the past
I whisper footnotes after I speak --- This line is a good image
The great men of the past speak through me --- Is the gender of the speaker the reason for the exclusion of 'great women', if this poem is what I think it is then surely this line would include all. Also careful with the repetition of past from two lines up.
I try to hide from them
They are leather bound black and white ghosts --- I feel that this is the key to knowing who 'they' are, however my twisted mind can't help seeing that there is a perhaps unintentional 'kinky' element to this line, like a multi-racial s&m orgy - but as I say, that could just be my twisted mind.
They haunt my writing

The lack of punctuation leads me to thinking that each line is to be classed as a sentence, in which case it reads like a series of statements rather than a poem, is there a way of enabling it to flow more naturally, I feel it would help the poem a lot. It is an interesting idea, I like the possibilities within.

Cheers for the read,

Mark

[hopefularahant]

Their Thoughts

My thoughts belong to others
I own only a subscription
My head reproduces the pastthis line seems kind off odd/ out of context
I whisper footnotes after I speak
The great men of the past speak through memaybe change the word speak? And shorten this line.
I try to hide from themthis line just seems to simple, and looks plain in the light of the rest of the poem
They are leather bound black and white ghoststake out "black and white"
They haunt my writing

Overall, I was left decently confused by this poem. The first two lines (my favorite lines) almost seem to tell a different story than the rest, and I wish you would go further with that idea.... Aside from that, you might want to add some sort of punctuation, and change your capitalization. I really do like the idea, and i think you could tweak this and capitlize on that idea real well

[nightKnight]

I like what the poem is representing, I'm assuming it's about being influenced by what you read.
I think though that it needs developing, some of the lines seem out of place:

My head reproduces the past

in particular doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. This line implies that your thoughts are stuck going over a troublesome memory, not that your mind is lost in the avenues of history. Also maybe consider using a different word to reproduces, it doesn't quite fit right, i would go for 'recreates' or something along those lines.

I do like the poem though, i like the idea behind it.

[jams01752]

Their Thoughts

My thoughts belong to others
I own only a subscription
My head reproduces the past
I whisper footnotes after I speak
The great men of the past speak through me
I try to hide from them
They are leather bound black and white ghosts
They haunt my writing

Hi,

Firstly an overall comment about the poem and its theme: I'm going to claim that the overall theme of the poem is that you feel you are lacking individuality due the influence of the authors or the works that you read/hear/receive information from in anyway. The tone of the poem and from the word choice used it seems that you do not like this. To have an input of my own I would suggest that there are few thoughts exempt from previous sources and there are very few truly original ideas. Our knowledge comes from the external world and therefore all of our thoughts and ideas must have a source. Even the greatest free thinkers in history have what you might call foundational ideas which they worked from. All ideas link to each other. The most you can hope for is a progressive idea rather than an unique idea (unless you are a true visionary of course).


Now,

L1+2: there seems to be a contrast here between having possession and not having possession. However, i can see the idea you're going for.
L3: I may have used a different word from reproduces in this line, maybe replicates, or duplicates.
L4: I like the way you've used footnotes in this lines, makes it clear that the work is academic.
L5+6: Not much going on here in terms of imagery or poetic techniques.
L7+8: Is this leather bound as in leather bound books? Enjoyed the imagery here and the idea that even from the grave they are influencing your writing.

[Vastile]

It is quite an interesting idea.

We're all amalgamations of the past, the longest game of telephone from the very start.

Now, I've not the experience to give you critique based on the technical aspect of writing, but I can give you my opinion on the ideas expressed in such writings. The idea is a good one, though could possibly have been elaborated upon. Though, true, we are all that came before us, we are also our own interpretation of these events. We choose what part of the past we hear and which parts we give credence. In my opinion, it might have been nice to mention the other side of the idea, that man, though tied to where he came, also wills newness throughout his own works.

To be Original is to be Human, even when using a base, built upon the ages.

Again, my critiques are mostly just conjecture, philosophy, and opinion, but it's all I have to offer, really.

[TheOnlyRedSmurf]

Their Thoughts
My thoughts belong to others
I own only a subscription have instead of own?
My head reproduces the past
I whisper footnotes after I speak footnotes whispered?
The great men of the past speak through me
I try to hide from them why do I try to hide from them?
They are leather bound black and white ghosts
They haunt my writing

those are the only three alterations I did in my head when I read it. I do like the ideas in the poem, not 100% sure on the meter though.I would say I love the last two lines as they are, but both start with "they" not sure of a replacement to use.