Baby eyes (with music version of an old poem)

[Keith]

Here is the link

Sore folds, dusted talc
mouth bubbles, gurgled out
chubby legs, dimpled knees
farm cheeks, need to squeeze

Bald patch, cradle cap
little mitts, hands clap
changing mat, wrestling ring
tear stained, teething ring

Full nappy, wobble weight
bath time, in a state
milk bottle, Sterilise
naked pee, past your eyes

Jim jams, romper suit
snuggle sniff, tiny boots
all clean, kissing heads
six o’clock, into beds

Big eyes, mobile spins
sucking cuffs, chime begins
wide awake, crying game
arm in ribs, me again

Bed head, cow lick
one am, covered in sick
magic moments, skin on skin
contact found, a smile begins.

[cidermaid]

Hi Keith,
remeber the original posting of this one and still like the word sounds and associations for images.
You have given this a totally different feel to the one I got from the read. I got a jig jog scamper when I first read this, your music has given it a slightly drugged, other world air to it. (Just how much talk sniffing was undertaken in the production of this one?)
Nearly lost me with the heavy monotone voice by the end of the second stanza, but then it got to me and I had a reversal and decided I love it.
AJ
Ps also loved your last one, sorry not got to commenting - thought it was very vivid images and the cynical twist at the end spot on.

[Balor1712]

I'll admit, at first I wasn't a fan. And then... I kind of got hooked? Your verse melody has a trance-like quality although the transitions between each one snapped me out of it. I would recommend varying those somewhat (and just as an aside, a pop-filter is well worth the money to get rid of the pesky popping noise when you make a "p" or "b" sound!).

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only feedback given in the three main crit forums count towards a members post count./mod

[crow]

Thought you might find this interesting. I'll delete it after 24 hours, but it's sped up 33% with the pitch raised on an iPhone app called Audio Speed Changer.

https://dl.dropbox.com/s/33avy47tt3x8vn5...a.mp3?dl=1

[Balor1712]

Thought you might find this interesting. I'll delete it after 24 hours, but it's sped up 33% with the pitch raised on an iPhone app called Audio Speed Changer.

https://dl.dropbox.com/s/33avy47tt3x8vn5...a.mp3?dl=1

That is really interesting. It changes the entire mood of the song. This version is definitely more frantic, and while still having a dream (drug?) like quality, I'm picturing some high on an upper instead of a downer.

[Keith]

Hi Keith,
remeber the original posting of this one and still like the word sounds and associations for images.
You have given this a totally different feel to the one I got from the read.  I got a jig jog scamper when I first read this, your music has given it a slightly drugged, other world air to it.  (Just how much talk sniffing was undertaken in the production of this one?)
Nearly lost me with the heavy monotone voice by the end of the second stanza, but then it got to me and I had a reversal and decided I love it.
AJ
Ps also loved your last one, sorry not got to commenting - thought it was very vivid images and the cynical twist at the end spot on.

Sorry so long coming back AJ I had missed this one completely, Yes you are right its bloody boring, I've tried listening to it and i lose the will to live half way through, to be honest I had the music and just wanted to put something to it, as you say it doesn't really fit with how the poem was intended to be read (fast paced) Ha Ha yes talk sniffing indeed. Thanks for taking the time to comment AJ much apreciated, Keith

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I'll admit, at first I wasn't a fan. And then... I kind of got hooked? Your verse melody has a trance-like quality although the transitions between each one snapped me out of it. I would recommend varying those somewhat (and just as an aside, a pop-filter is well worth the money to get rid of the pesky popping noise when you make a "p" or "b" sound!).

---

only feedback given in the three main crit forums count towards a members post count./mod

Hey Balor thanks for the comments and the advice I will look into the filter since the popping is driving me mad. Best Keith

---

Thought you might find this interesting. I'll delete it after 24 hours, but it's sped up 33% with the pitch raised on an iPhone app called Audio Speed Changer.

https://dl.dropbox.com/s/33avy47tt3x8vn5...a.mp3?dl=1

Ha Ha Crow this is much better and much more a tempo befitting of the poem, cheers Keith