Maypole (edit Tom)

[Erthona]

Maypole
 
In days long past when lad and lass,
looked forward to the fair greenwood,
they’d gather ‘round and pole put down,
deep in the ground, as a Maypole should.
 
The brawny lads and all their dads,
with a sweet song and nary a frown,
would dig a hole, for the maypole,
and bury a third of it in the ground.
 
Attached to the crown high up top,
hung colored ribbons to the ground,
made by mothers and their lasses,
in blues, and reds and golds and browns.
 
Then handsome lads and bonny lasses,
would take a ribbon and dance around,
sing and weave round about,
until the pattern reached the ground.
 
Erthona

©2002

[tectak]

Maypole
 
In days long past when lad and lass,
looked forward to the fair greenwood,
they’d gather ‘round and pole put down,
deep in the ground, as a Maypole should.
 
The brawny lads and all their dads,
with a sweet song and nary a frown,
would dig a hole, for the maypole,
and bury a third of it in the ground.
 
Attached to the crown high up top,
hung colored ribbons to the ground,
made by mother’s and their lasses,
in blues, and reds and golds and browns.
 
Then handsome lads and bonny lasses,
would take a ribbon and dance around,
sing and weave round about,
until the pattern reached the ground.
 
Erthona

©2002

Somewhat idealised but what the hell, all history needs debunking. Is this the land of my fathers?
No apostrophe in mothers. I am dizzy.
Best,
tectak

[Erthona]

Tom,

Thanks for the catch. I would say romanticized as similar to the era of the Errol Flynn movies, but yes, no attempt at historical accuracy. Just as we continue to put Christ on the soaring high cross, even though the cross he was actually crucified on was much closer to the ground, but what's the fun in that? That doesn't make for good story telling.

Dale

[ChristopherSea]

This brings back memories of 'May Day' in elementary school for me. I was wondering about this line:

they’d gather ‘round and pole put down,

Why the 'and', wouldn't it sound better and more accurate as:

they’d gather ‘round a pole put down,

Also, this poem may be a bit 'comma-tose' from the overuse of the punctuation mark.

However, I just realized this is in Miscellaneous, so you may disavow any or all of the above.

Cheers/Chris

[Rose Lanabell Cat Ear]

I enjoyed reading this because it made me picture the pleasant spring time scene. It was a nice little story of a tradition.
I thought the use of "dads" was out of place, as you used "mothers" later on (as opposed to "moms", "moms" and "dads" go together but "mothers" and "fathers" go together. ), especially since your poem sounds old fashioned and "dad" sounds very informal. However I can see why you would need to use it, it rhymes.
I like the last two lines because they make a nice conclusion and complete the poem well. "sing and weave round about,
until the pattern reached the ground." does not suggest that the fun of the holiday is ending, but only that the maypole is beautifully complete.

[Erthona]

Hi Chris,

Sorry to respond so late, I've been a bit underwater . Back now, at least as long as my IP lets me stay.

Cat Ear,

My cat's ears get extremely dirty all the time even though I clean them out often. But then the poor thing is quite the mess as he loses nearly all of his hair in the summer and looks like a big rat. It appears he is allergic to green grass. Anyway on to your critique. You are quite correct in your critique, however your corrections are generally just as bad as what I have. In he first instance they both leave incomplete sentences, which to tell the truth has always bothered me. I've often thought about this solution as it adds a half step which would mimic the dance step they might be using, that is if they are Scottish or Irish. The Welsh would probably use the ribbons to tie each other up, it was a fertility rite you know. Anyway, back to the poem. Here was the half step solution. Actually I see I've already changed it, so your solution works just fine, so we'll keep that. Good job.

they’d gather ‘round and a pole put down, the half step in on "and a", only pronounced as "anna".
deep in the ground, as a Maypole should. the half step here is on "as a", pronounced as "asa".

So if one reads "anna" and "asa" as diphthongs, that is as single syllables, it maintains the iambic tetrameter.

Oh yes, the dads thing. Yes I did it for the rhyme and also for the bounce, but it could easily be written as father, like so.

"The brawny lads and all their fathers." only and extra half foot, perfectly allowable. I'm sure Tom would like it better, as he tends to think everything should be seen through his viewpoint, he's very parochial in that way. You can take the boy out of the church, but you can't get the church out of his pants.

Tell me what you think and we will go with that and be done with it.


Feels free to jump in also Chris,

Thanks,

Dale