Americee Nonsense

[billy]

1st edit , thanks to those who helped with feedback. completely changed the middle line of the 3rd verse.

Americee Nonsense

I know I'll never write Americee;
to use, to build a sort of Shakespeare dish
I'd rather not a Yankee Speller be.

Their silly bastard words don't work for me
nor syntax in a modern way; 'tis pish.
I said I'd never write Americee.

With ink and quill to pen, it's plain to see
your words don't work the way you wish
but what the fuck's a Yankee spelling bee?

A lean-to with a roof is not a lee,
an elevator's lift in Ing-earl-ish
I know, I'll never write Americee.

To call 'the sidewalk' path, I do decree,
caused me to drop a scone that looked delish
I will not touch a Yank's spell-checking knee.

A steer's a cow; and keep your KFC,
and shove the quarter pounder up yer gish.
I'd rather leave the Yankee spelling be.
I will not ever write Americee.

one small edit but it waa a big mistake so i'll mention it, kilt/] has been changed to gish, aka fanny [english one]

Americee Nonsense
original


I know I'll never write Americee;
to use, to build a sort of Shakespeare dish
I'd rather not a Yankee Speller be.

Their silly bastard words don't work for me
nor  syntax in a modern way; 'tis pish.
I said I'd never write Americee.

With ink and quill to pen, it's plain to see
my words do swim like water is to fish
but what the fuck's a Yankee spelling bee.

A lean-to with a  roof is not a lee,
an elevator's lift in  Ing-earl-ish
I know, I'll never write Americee.

To call 'the sidewalk' path I do decree,
caused me to drop my scone , it looked delish
I will not touch a Yank's Spell-checking knee.

A steer's a cow; and keep your KFC,
and shove the quarter pounder up yer gish.
I'd rather leave the Yankee Spelling be.
I will not ever write Americee.

[Magpie]

Hi Billy,

I'm really liking this and it is obviously very funny. I'm kind of struggling to come up with a serious amount of critique but I have got a few points, I just hope it's enough considering it is in 'Serious'.

Americee Nonsense

I know I'll never write Americee;
to use, to build a sort of Shakespeare dish
I'd rather not a Yankee Speller be.  ---- I notice that throughout after the word Yankee you sometimes capitalised Speller or Spelling and although I've looked I can't seem to find a reason for this.

Their silly bastard words don't work for me
nor  syntax in a modern way; 'tis pish. ---- I really like the use of 'pish' here even though I've just realised it's an actual word, I thought it was slang. I still feels as though it has the feel of a slang British word which sets up a contrast between Americee and Ing-earl-ish.
I said I'd never write Americee.

With ink and quill to pen, it's plain to see
my words do swim like water is to fish  ---- I'm not so sure that this is working here, it feels a bit forced for the sake of the rhyme. Also because you've got the majority of the 'ish' lines as either slang or 'altered' English words then I was thinking it could be a possible idea to have them all like that. It means you would lose the "Shakespeare dish" which I like but you could change that line so it ends in Shakespeare-ish so you've still got the reference. Possibilities for the other lines could be 'suspish' or 'mish', it's just a thought for a continuity throughout.
but what the fuck's a Yankee spelling bee. --- Should there be a question mark at the end of this line?

A lean-to with a  roof is not a lee,
an elevator's lift in  Ing-earl-ish
I know, I'll never write Americee.

To call 'the sidewalk' path I do decree,
caused me to drop my scone , it looked delish --- With this line I'm presuming that the 'scone' reference is there because of the difference in pronunciation. In which case it doesn't work as well as the others which are about the fact that the words are totally different. You could have something to do with chips and fries in this line which you could use to fit in with 'delish'
I will not touch a Yank's Spell-checking knee.

A steer's a cow; and keep your KFC, --- The KFC seems another odd reference here, it seems more for the sake of the rhyme than fitting in with the theme of the poem.
and shove the quarter pounder up yer kilt/ --- I'm totally lost here, is the '/' a typo? And I'm not sure of the type of poem this is and it's structure, but I was expecting another 'ish' rhyme to end this line.
I'd rather leave the Yankee Spelling be.
I will not ever write Americee.

I do really like it, it has a simple yet effective northern British kind of humour feel about it. At the start after the first reference to 'spelling' I thought it was going to cover actual spelling differences like 'grey/gray' and 'humour/humor' as opposed to the use of different words to describe the same thing. Although technically I suppose it still is a difference in spelling but I did find the spelling reference somewhat slightly misleading.

Cheers for the read, I really enjoyed it. 
Humour without 'u' just wouldn't be right.

Mark

[billy]

thanks for the feedback. the poem was done in reply to someone saying they write in the english style of word while also using syntax from the classic
styles.
you are so right about kilt
? was a stupid typo, god knows why i pressed that key; that;s it, it's next to the period key which i should have pressed.
speller should be uncapped as you point out
i always thought of pish as a Scottish word though i could be wrong.
the water to fish simile is reversed on purpose. if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and i'll think about revising it.
scone is there because it's a especially English aberration that's eaten in t houses at 4 pm throughout the uk in quaint villages
i was slagging KFC down for it's American roots.
kilt will be changed to gish, it's a dish best served warm
the poem was an attempt at a villenal ...i always get one of the damn rhymes wrong

anyway, thanks for the feedback, i will utilise most of what you pointed out and think about the odd parts i'm not totally agreeable with.

[ellajam]

Hi, billy, I've been enjoying this. I think by using "Americee" you set up the appropriate nonsense. Some notes for you below.

Americee Nonsense

I know I'll never write Americee;
to use, to build a sort of Shakespeare dish
I'd rather not a Yankee Speller be.

Their silly bastard words don't work for me
nor  syntax in a modern way; 'tis pish. single space after nor. Tis pish made me laugh.
I said I'd never write Americee.
I love the screwy syntax of the middle line, it suits.

With ink and quill to pen, it's plain to see yes to the quill.
my words do swim like water is to fish
but what the fuck's a Yankee spelling bee.
Maybe because you've set up inverted syntax the middle line might work, but it doesn't really for me, a stumbling block.

A lean-to with a  roof is not a lee, single space after a, and in on the next line.
an elevator's lift in  Ing-earl-ish
I know, I'll never write Americee.

To call 'the sidewalk' path I do decree,
caused me to drop my scone , it looked delish
I will not touch a Yank's Spell-checking knee.
This doesn't quite make sense, as if the decree caused you to drop the scone, maybe a comma after path instead of decree.

A steer's a cow; and keep your KFC,
and shove the quarter pounder up yer kilt/of course, kilt wrong.
I'd rather leave the Yankee Spelling be.
I will not ever write Americee.

Thanks for the read, fun and a sound ville. Congrats.

[billy]

yes to about everything you pointed out, the double space is a carry over from my notepad.
you're the 2nd to comment on the upside simile and i've only had two replies so it looks like a 100%, maybe it needs working on,
will take take heed of the decree line and see if it can be better done
yes to kilt being changed. from hence forth kilt will be gish.
i'll see if anyone else has input and do an edit in a day or two. thanks for taking the time and trouble to read and leave constructive feedback

one small edit but it waa a big mistake so i'll mention it, kilt/] has been changed to gish, aka fanny [english one]

a proper edit will be forthcoming

[Magpie]

i always thought of pish as a Scottish word though i could be wrong. 

This might complicate things way too much, but I thought I would say it anyway because I've went and looked up the word out of interest and found far too much information.

Pish is an actual word and it's definition according to dictionary.com is "an exclamation of impatience or contempt", which in some ways is close to how it would be used by Scottish people although they are not the same word. In fact the Scottish word is slang, probably for 'piss', so it's not an actual word.

Ah, you may be thinking that I'm just talking a load of 'pish' for no reason but the word 'Pish' the actual real word is imitative of the sound you make when showing impatience or contempt and so is pronounced more like 'pshh'. So it's very much like other imitative words that express disdain or contempt like 'phfft'.

Basically what I'm saying is that it fucks up the rhyme because when you write 'pish' it is technically the 'pshh' word because the Scottish slang word doesn't really exist. And although it's close as a rhyme it's not exact.

If I'd never looked it up none of us would have been any the wiser and it would work perfectly well, so you can just pretend I never said anything, or you can just ignore what I've said anyway (I wouldn't blame you in the slightest), or I suppose you could just spell it differently and invent a new word.

Hope it hasn't complicated things too much, it's right boxed my head so I'm going for a lie down. 

Cheers,

Mark

[ellajam]

I've always heard pish used as pee, as in Gotta go pish or She pished her pants. It worked fine for me, although my americee spellcheck says it's not a word.

[Magpie]

I've always heard pish used as pee, as in Gotta go pish or She pished her pants. It worked fine for me, although my americee spellcheck says it's not a word.

That's what the "Urban Dictionary" has it as. Some dictionaries have got it as a normal word "Dictionary.com" and others don't, and they all seem to differ on pronunciation. It's probably more to do with the fact that I've got a day off work and instead of doing normal stuff I'm trawling through onomatopoeic dictionaries. It kind of made sense to say something at one point, but now I really wished I hadn't   oooppsss. Sorry for the confusion.

Mark pish

[ellajam]

I've always heard pish used as pee, as in Gotta go pish or She pished her pants. It worked fine for me, although my americee spellcheck says it's not a word.

That's what the "Urban Dictionary" has it as. Some dictionaries have got it as a normal word "Dictionary.com" and others don't, and they all seem to differ on pronunciation. It's probably more to do with the fact that I've got a day off work and instead of doing normal stuff I'm trawling through onomatopoeic dictionaries. It kind of made sense to say something at one point, but now I really wished I hadn't   oooppsss. Sorry for the confusion.

Mark pish

No more confusion than any other thread where a word slides around the world, a perfect fit for the subject of this poem, IMO.

[billy]

to talk piss, is to talk rubbish is to talk pish and any other variant one may wish to use.

[billy]

1st edit , thanks to those who helped with feedback. completely changed the middle line of the 3rd verse.

Americee Nonsense

I know I'll never write Americee;
to use, to build a sort of Shakespeare dish
I'd rather not a Yankee Speller be.

Their silly bastard words don't work for me
nor syntax in a modern way; 'tis pish.
I said I'd never write Americee.

With ink and quill to pen, it's plain to see
your words don't work the way you wish
but what the fuck's a Yankee spelling bee?

A lean-to with a roof is not a lee,
an elevator's lift in Ing-earl-ish
I know, I'll never write Americee.

To call 'the sidewalk' path, I do decree,
caused me to drop a scone that looked delish
I will not touch a Yank's spell-checking knee.

A steer's a cow; and keep your KFC,
and shove the quarter pounder up yer gish.
I'd rather leave the Yankee spelling be.
I will not ever write Americee.

one small edit but it waa a big mistake so i'll mention it, kilt/] has been changed to gish, aka fanny [english one]

Americee Nonsense
original

I know I'll never write Americee;
to use, to build a sort of Shakespeare dish
I'd rather not a Yankee Speller be.

Their silly bastard words don't work for me
nor syntax in a modern way; 'tis pish.
I said I'd never write Americee.

With ink and quill to pen, it's plain to see
my words do swim like water is to fish
but what the fuck's a Yankee spelling bee.

A lean-to with a roof is not a lee,
an elevator's lift in Ing-earl-ish
I know, I'll never write Americee.

To call 'the sidewalk' path I do decree,
caused me to drop my scone , it looked delish
I will not touch a Yank's Spell-checking knee.

A steer's a cow; and keep your KFC,
and shove the quarter pounder up yer gish.
I'd rather leave the Yankee Spelling be.
I will not ever write Americee.